Ugh! BM drama!
TXMamaB
member
So the latest story and any advice would be appreciated!
The BM gets SK each year for the month of July. Each year, instead of spending time with them, she sends them off to her mother's house in TN (we are in TX) So it sucks being that far away from the kids for a whole month- especially when they are really wanting to come back home.
Anyhow this year she drove them out to TN and dropped them off. Now here we are 7/29/09- they are due back to our doorstep at 6:00 July 31st- and she hasn't left TX to go and pick them up. (it takes about 18 hours to get there) So we call her- and she has decided to fly them back home. (last week she told us she was leaving Monday to drive to get them) Great! Quicker trip for the kids! But no- they won't be coming home until Sunday night, flying into an airport that is about 3 hours away from where we live.
It just really sucks and it's really fustrating as the custodial parents- that whenever she messes up- what recourse do we have? I mean- is there anything that we can do? Thanks for letting me vent- and all advice- TIA!
Re: Ugh! BM drama!
That sounds annoying! I don't know what recourse you have though. What does the CO say about travelling out of state? Maybe the kids shouldn't be allowed to go to TN anymore, they can visit their BM at her house in the state she and you live in and that's it. You can file contempt of court probably if she doesn't have the kids back on time, but that might be about it.
I LOVE MY THREE KIDS!
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I'm sorry, I have to call you out on this one. And I apoloize for coming of snarky, but I think you're over dramatizing this. This is not her drama, it's yours. I see nothing wrong with what she's doing.
First of all, it does not take 18 hours to drive from Round Rock, Texas to Tennessee. I used to live in Texas in the DFW area and I drove between Iowa and Texas several times. It takes us 17 - 18 hours with a moving truck and two vehicles. It takes us about 14 hours straight there in a car with typical breaks. Tennessee is closer to Texas than Iowa is. It's more like a 12 hour drive. Most certainly, not 18.
Does she get them any other time - like every other weekend? I'm assuming so if she is reasonably close to you in Texas.
If that's the case, technically...she's doing nothing wrong. They are visiting their grandparents, possibly other family. My guess is, this is one of few times they get to spend with their grandkids.
My aunt and uncle in Florida did this. Sometimes they'd come with the kids, and sometimes they'd just send the kids when they were older and we'd get to see our cousins for a month each summer. It was great! To this day we are close and I know it's because my aunt and uncle made this a priority every year.
Regardless of whether or not you like it or they - like most children - would prefer to be home playing with their friends...she is entitled to send her kids to visit her family on her designated time.
Be grateful she's not trying to weedle more time out of you. If you take it to court, she could very well manage to do that and you'd see them even less.
I also don't think it matters how she brings them back. As long as she gets them back to you by the 31st, she's entitled to do it however she chooses. Unless of course it's spelled out in the agreement she do it via another means that is acceptable to you.
I'd seriously consider whether or not this is a battle worth fighting and getting worked up for. So far, I don't see why the fuss is necessary.
I'm with J&K on this. I actually had to re read your post to see if I missed something. Obviously I did because I do not see what she is doing wrong. I went to London for a month at a time as a kid (from Ireland). The summer of my 11th birthday I went for 3 months. I had a ball, I loved hanging out with my cousins. Also they would come to Ireland for several weeks at a time.
I think the drama is in your imagination.
one last note, and insight as to why I don't really cry for your step kids going to their grandmother's for the month....when i was kid...I had to spend one night a week at my grandmother from 3rd to 6th grade because my middle school and my piano lessons were in the same town and close to my grandmothers. It was very convenient.
I hate the liver and frozen green beans sne made me on occassion. I didn't really care for the raisins she put in all her cookies, and she was kinda strict...but you know what? I may not have appreciated her when I was 9, but I cherished that time when I grew up and I am so very grateful i was lucky enough to have that time with her now that she's gone.
Your step kids will too.
Really. It's really not that horrible that she's sending them off to spend time with her.
I see both points of PP- no big deal for the kids to spend time with grandparents.
There is a lot of other issues here- that aren't included in this story. Yes- she does get every other weekend- but barely uses that time. I talk to SD everyday- and she is miserable. Both grandparents work- so she , 11 and her brother,9 are left at home all day by themselves. Cousins all live in Indiana- so no kiddos around to play with. And then when grandparents get home- they say they are too tired to do anything. So they have basically been sitting in a house for 30 days.
As far as driving distance goes- I don't know how far it is. The kids just told us on the way there- they drove two 9 hours days. And as far as them coming home- I really don't care how they get back- as long as they are back on the date and time schedule in our court papers. But in this case- she is still here in Austin- and is saying that she is going to buy plane tickets- which she may or may not have done- so as of today- I don't think SHE even knows how the kids are going to get back on Friday. And with her being over $10K behind in child support- I wonder where she is getting the funds to buy plane tickets on such short notice.
I am happy that the kids get to spend time with thier grandparents- I did the same between TX and GA when i was a kid. But my Grandma didn't work, activities were planned, and cousin and friends were around to play with.
I guess I am just more dissapointed- I was SO looking forward to them being home on Friday and getting to spend the weekend with them! We have missed them for so long. And then with the BM- it's always something with her.... I just wish some things would go smoothly....
Can you question the mom as to why she wants to send her kids to the grandparents to just sit there alone all day? It doesn't really seem to do much for either the kids or their grandparents.
If you're really concerned, maybe bring it up with their mom and let her know that they seem really bored and miserable. Maybe one or both the grandparents could take some vacation time and really spend some quality time with the kids.
You mentioned that they're flying into an airport 3 hours away on Sunday night. I'd be pretty annoyed by this if it was the Sunday before a school day. As for just the convenience factor, maybe in the future let her know that you can pay the difference between airports to have them arrive closer to home? I think I'd also ask that you and your husband be consulted before final travel arrangements are made. It affects you and your plans and it's only courtesy.
I think spending time with grandparents is great. I used to spend a block of time with my grandparents, too, who were not working and made great effort to provide activities for me, take family trips together, and have fun with me while I was there.
However, I think in your SK's case, it sends the wrong message to ship them off to grandma and grandpa's when BM is not usually with them. EOW still only gives her about 60 days a year of time together with them.
And, I'm slow.
I just put your two posts together to realize this is the Stripper BM. Let her send the kids away.
Yes! I agree- I would actually rather them spend time with Grandparents than with her.... I just wish we knew when they were going to actually be returned home...