s/o Kindergarten - Spacing of kids ages

SalisburyBride · July 2009

Has the kindergarten age requirements and the decision to have them be the youngest or oldest had an impact on your spacing between #1 and #2?

For example, DH and I want our kids around three years apart but if we keep him back that means they will only be two years apart in school (if #2s b-day makes them them the younger in the class). DH really liked being three school years apart from his sister but four years in age. His thought is that two years apart in school may cause too much competition if they are the same gender. I know I am thinking WAY too hard about this! I need a really big calendar to count out the timeline years from now! Oh, yeah and throw in the fact that I have no control how quickly I will get pg again when we start TTC#2 so geez, there's something else to think about! I am too much of a planner I guess!

WendyNC · July 2009

It wasn't really a factor for us in determining when to TTC, but your post got me thinking if Caylee was born closer to Aug. 31st, she could potentially go to school earlier and then they would only be one grade apart. Not sure how I feel about that. Hmmmmmmmm

ECUGirl2004 · July 2009

My siblings and I are all 2 years/2 grades apart. I loved it and it has definitely influenced me to wanting to have my 2nd child sooner rather than later. It was nice having my big brother at school when I went into my first day at 6th grade, and again my first day at HS. I felt a lot more confident knowing that he was there. Plus, he drove me to school, which was really nice. I also loved being at school with my little sister and she loved it too. When I was a senior and could go out to lunch, I'd bring something back for her. And, I drove her to school!

I never felt like I was in competition with either of them. I think my parents always did a good job of making us feel like individuals with our own strengths. And even though teachers would ask if I was my brother's sibling, they never seemed to expect for me to be like him (and if they did expect that, they didn't let on).

My sister said she felt a little pressure from teachers after me because I was a good student, but she was too so I don't think it was a big deal. Plus, she had her own strengths that were different from mine, so it was fine.

raceyrae · July 2009

I haven't taken this into consideration at all in my planning and am not really worried about how many years apart they will be in school. There's always going to be something that could cause competition etc. (even with my sister being 11 yr younger than me, she still heard about me from her teachers, not that I think that's right). I don't necessarily think being 2, 3 or 4 yrs apart in school will make that much of a difference.

ECUGirl2004 · July 2009

raceyrae:
(even with my sister being 11 yr younger than me, she still heard about me from her teachers, not that I think that's right).

Yeah, DH is 7 years younger than his sister and she was a HELLION. When he got the same teachers as her, he immediately told his teachers, "I'm nothing like my sister!" LOL

Evans · July 2009

I think two years is fine and that is our plan and one of the reasons we are hoping to not hold DD1 back.

I was one year apart with my sister and we had an number of the same classes together, a number of the same friends, same activities, and sometimes it was a competition and we had trouble being friends when we were in high school because so much of our life was the same. ?It actually prompted me to do everything different from her to carve out my own place.?

ETA: ?But we are the best of friends now and I love being so close in age (16 months). ?It was just those teenage years where it was tough to be in the same school for 3 years with the same friends, teachers, activities, etc..?

murph04 · July 2009

My sister and I are three years apart and were three grades apart in school. I especially enjoyed it in high school when I was a freshman and she was a senior.

It didn't really inspire any competitiveness between us, but my sister was super smart (still is) and people would always ask me, "so, are you as smart as your sister?" That was annoying, but not a huge deal.

mrsmikey · July 2009

SalisburyBride:

I know I am thinking WAY too hard about this! I need a really big calendar to count out the timeline years from now! Oh, yeah and throw in the fact that I have no control how quickly I will get pg again when we start TTC#2 so geez, there's something else to think about! I am too much of a planner I guess!

You pretty much said it yourself! I think unless your planning of #2 includes not having 2 in daycare at the same time for financial reasons, you shouldn't worry so much about it. Being 2 grades apart vs. 3 grades apart really isn't a significant factor to me. You just can't plan these things that exact! There are pros and cons to every age and grade difference, so just get to it when you're ready

alchris · July 2009

Oh dear, you sound just like me! I was actually just thinking this *exact* thing a couple days ago in terms of timing when to start TTC #2. It'd really only be an issue if we have a summer baby, because then (if we're looking at summer 2010) we're looking at them being 3 years apart but only 2 grades apart. Still, it's enough less than 3 years that I don't think it matters. And, as a summer baby myself, I really hated it (and still do in all honesty!) so despite IF issues I can't help but think it'd be nice not to have a summer baby. Based on the summer of 2007 that lasted into November, I also would rather not have a fall baby and be pregnant through 7 months of heat. So you see, I spend too much time thinking about this too. I have no answers, just sympathy.

I'll add that I wouldn't worry about comptetition or the like -- my sister and I were only 1 grade apart and it was essentially a moot point at school. As counselor, I saw it once where a sister who was 1 year older was retained in 3rd grade so they were in the same grade, but in all honesty I can't speak as to how that's going now that the girls are in HS. Oh, and my cousins who are a lot older than me, 11-12 years older, ended up being in the same grade but I actually didn't know that until recently -- in other words, the older one was still treated older. In terms of the decision to send or not to send to K, or to retain or not to retain, I just really think you need to meet each child's needs, regardless of perceived fears of how it'll impact the other child or their relationship, esp. one not yet conceived. I know you know that, but that's my main reaction here, in addition to sympathy.

starz080 · July 2009

I think about these things too and if I had my way, our children would be 3 years apart. But plan as I may, it might not work out that way and that's perfectly fine with me. I've always thought 2 years apart was too close for my liking. It's just b/c I had an older brother by 3 years and it worked out great for us and DH is an older brother by 3 years and it was good for him too. I'm starting to lean towards 4 years apart but that's really just b/c of career/school issues that I have and it might be for the best. But 3 is best in my book.

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