shower just HAS to be a surprise...

nat6102006 · July 2009

I live 300+ miles from basically all of my friends and family except for my inlaws. When I had my bridal shower, it was a surprise back in my hometown (during 1 of 2 planned visits home before the wedding). I dont have any planned weekends to visit before the baby is born, so I wanted my mom to just let me know when she wanted me to come in for the shower. Well, that was a mistake.

Apparently my shower just HAS to be a surprise, and I cant even ask about it. I have no idea how she plans on "tricking" me to visit for a weekend, because any time I come home I will obviously be expecting it. Unless she plans on having it here, which would be even more ridiculous, since no one would travel this far for a day for a baby shower...(espeically older relatives, plus my friends who've just had babies...)

WHY is she so insistent that it be a surpise?!? All I want to know is the weekend! That's all! I'm not asking to be involved in the details! They will still be a surprise!.....

RoxyLynn · July 2009

I seriously don't understand this PA/NJ/NY "surprise shower" business. Do you know for sure that there will be a shower?

nat6102006 · July 2009

oh, yes. I was told to provide a list of addresses since the invitations are going out this week. I feel like I can't make any plans for any weekend from now until November in case it will be the weekend of my shower....and my DH is just as annoyed with it as me, since no one will tell him anything either (he isnt just pretending and really knows, he isnt that good of a liar, so I hope

ruthie oct3 · July 2009

My Mom and MIL want to keep the shower a secret from me. I don't know how they will get me anywhere without me being suspicious. Especially if its DH that suggests we go somewhere - He never wants to go anywhere.

I am originally from NY and for the wedding shower we had it in NY - even though the wedding was in PA. My Mom also had a small shower for me in PA for some people that couldn't come.

This one I think will be in PA. I have no idea where - but have to guess its either my Moms or my SIL (brothers wife.)

They are both over an hour away - and I plan on just being concious of the month os august and how I am dressed when I go places.

Jennifer2008 · July 2009

If I was you, I'd approach a loved, trusted, close friend who is sure to be invited and ask her to tell me. If you were my friend, I'd spill the beans (secretly, but so you don't have all this stress!)

EastCoastBride · July 2009

nat6102006:
oh, yes. I was told to provide a list of addresses since the invitations are going out this week. I feel like I can't make any plans for any weekend from now until November in case it will be the weekend of my shower....and my DH is just as annoyed with it as me, since no one will tell him anything either (he isnt just pretending and really knows, he isnt that good of a liar, so I hope

And this is ridiculous too. You need to tell your mom "Well, mom, that's fine. You can try to surprise me. but I won't be leaving all my weekends open and any weekend you try to trick me into coming home- I'm going to know that it's for my shower..... and if I've already made plans, then what are you going to do?"

MumtoB · July 2009

I specifically asked that mine not be a surprise since pregnancy is stressful enough without worrying about showing up looking like a well-dressed homeless person.

liljooly · July 2009

While I would be extremely thankful for anyone who hosts my shower, I will say one thing about "suprise" showers: I want to look (and most important, FEEL) like a beautiful mommy-to-be at my shower. I would hate to show up in sweats just so someone could get a surprise out of it. And I sure don't want to be stressed out over it, wondering when I'll be expected to travel out of town. Baby or bridal showers just aren't the time or place to blindside anyone.

Can you tell I'm not a big fan of suprises? LOL. I agree with the PP who said to confide in a good friend... she would completely understand and hopefully fill you in on the details.

sandollar · July 2009

I really don't like surprises either, that would totally stress me out!

hopefulmom · July 2009

I don't care for surprise showers. Birthdays...OK...but not showers. Like you said if you don't know when it is (and neither does your DH) I would certainly not keep week-ends free just because... You'll have enough to do (on week-ends) before you deliver not to have to worry about trying to keep them free. That being said, you mentioned that the invites are going out this week. Is it usual for them to go out 3-4 weeks ahead in your family? That might give you a clue that the shower will be late August or early September. Maybe you could just tell your mom that it is stressing you out not knowing the date and might accidently schedule something on the day they are planning the shower. I would do as the one pp suggested and ask a trusted friend to ease your stress. Personally, I think I would boycott the shower if it were me and I definitely would not change plans I had made to accomodate a surprise shower no one would tell me the date of!

WhiteysWifey · July 2009

I had this argument with my mom....my bridal shower was a surprise....in ever single picture everyone looks nice, but there I am wearing a stained t-shirt and jeans (plus, I had already figured out when it would be...but didn't want to be suspicious having extra clothes with me).

I basically broke down crying when my mother was telling me I have no say in anything, but I did convince her not to have it be a surprise. I want to look nice at my shower and enjoy it.

It must be a NY thing...

shower just HAS to be a surprise...

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