Testing & Friends Baby Has Problems...

Re: Testing & Friends Baby Has Problems...

• Tonya_G member

  July 2009

  I didn't opt for any of the testing, b/c, like you, DH and I have talked and knew termination wouldn't be an option for us, so really, what's the point? It is hard when those around us have difficulties with their pregnancies or babies, but just keep in mind that these problems are not "catching"- I have a friend who was TTC when I had my second m/c, and she avoided me for quite some time after, until she had a viable pregnancy, b/c she was afraid of "catching" my m/c's. Silly, I know, but it can go through people's minds. It sounds like you're a concerned, supportive friend who will be a good shoulder for this friend to lean on during these hard times- if your baby is born "just perfect", don't begrudge her either if she needs some distance though- sometimes seeing what you dreamed of having when it's not your reality is a tough pill to swallow.

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• kauai04 member

  July 2009

  Tonya_G:

  I didn't opt for any of the testing, b/c, like you, DH and I have talked and knew termination wouldn't be an option for us, so really, what's the point?

  That is exactly what we are thinking! 

  It is hard when those around us have difficulties with their pregnancies or babies, but just keep in mind that these problems are not "catching"- I have a friend who was TTC when I had my second m/c, and she avoided me for quite some time after, until she had a viable pregnancy, b/c she was afraid of "catching" my m/c's. Silly, I know, but it can go through people's minds.

  Ugh.  I'm sorry your friend treated you that way, that is rough.  I know that it is impossible to "catch" any birth defects.... you just see this other person and think that you know they did everything right, you know they are a great person and a great mom.  It is sad to see others suffer!

  It sounds like you're a concerned, supportive friend who will be a good shoulder for this friend to lean on during these hard times- if your baby is born "just perfect", don't begrudge her either if she needs some distance though- sometimes seeing what you dreamed of having when it's not your reality is a tough pill to swallow.

  We are not close friends.  This lady goes to the church I went to growing up and I really never see her- but if I do see her out we will say hello and talk for a minute.  I have just been letting her know that she is in my prayers on facebook & when they get home I may offer to bring them dinner or something!  Small things, but I know when you are going through so much (especially with several other children at home) things are bound to be overwhelming!

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• tklmechris98

  July 2009

  That is really horrible.  I feel terrible for her.  I mean these things happen in life and I guess thats why they have these tests so you can prepare yourself for the unimaginable. We opted out of all the tests as well because I'm only 30, there have never been any problems within either of our families and we figured if there was any problems with our baby we would love her and do everything we could for her regardless. I have grown so attached to her already I could never imagine terminating her. It would break my heart.  Plus I wouldn't want what was wrong with her hanging over my head for the next couple of months.  When she is born we will handle whatever is given to us but we are praying that she is perfecly healthy.  We have our level 2 sonogram next weekend so I am really nervous but also really excited at the same time.
  

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• kauai04 member

  July 2009

  tklmechris98:

  That is really horrible.  I feel terrible for her.  I mean these things happen in life and I guess thats why they have these tests so you can prepare yourself for the unimaginable. We opted out of all the tests as well because I'm only 30, there have never been any problems within either of our families and we figured if there was any problems with our baby we would love her and do everything we could for her regardless. I have grown so attached to her already I could never imagine terminating her. It would break my heart.  Plus I wouldn't want what was wrong with her hanging over my head for the next couple of months.  When she is born we will handle whatever is given to us but we are praying that she is perfecly healthy.  We have our level 2 sonogram next weekend so I am really nervous but also really excited at the same time.
  

  I am a worrier, so I agree with you- I don't want to worry any more than necessary during the coming months before baby arrives.  I want to enjoy my pregnancy, not get a false positive on a test and be worried sick.  That false positive would cause me so much worry and I wouldn't enjoy the pregnancy I would be consumed by the "what if's".  Before being pregnant I never thought about the ultrasound being worrisome at all.  It is glamorized as just being exciting and as just being to find out what you are having.  I CAN'T wait to find out if we are having a boy or girl... but I am also nervous, just praying all looks good at the ultrasound!

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• denahamilton@cox.net

  July 2009

  Brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry about your friend.

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• rnbride18

  July 2009

  we did not choose to do any extra testing b/c we also felt strongly against termination (just what we believe:))...I figured what is done is done and if anything goes wrong we will deal with it then. I didn't want to spend my whole pregnancy worrying for nothing. just remember, these problems are rare not the norm

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• DiscusCoach

  July 2009

  I am totally cool with people deciding not to test but it really bothers me when people say it is because they are not going to terminate. Thinking that the only reason people test is so they can terminate is ignorant (not that this is what you are saying - I am just venting). With certain defects there are drugs that can help the baby's lungs develop faster because they are at high risk for early delivery. With others there are important things that can be done as soon as the baby is born, medical help that they are going to need immediately that, if you don't know there is an issue, it might take a while to pull together.

  Some friends of ours decided not to test. They also decided on a home birth. Their daughter had some pretty drastic birth defects and did not get the medical help she needed immediately. 
  

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• KatiKM

  July 2009

  I had the Quad screen done, for the simple reason that my Dr. gave, which is...regardless of if you would plan or not plan to terminate (we would not) the results of these tests could change the way he allowed me to deliver and other treatments.

  I did actually get a false positive for Spina Bifida because of an incorrect calibration of the screen. I am a total worrier, but they got me in for my ultrasound early and found that everything is fine. However had it been correct I would have gotten on the schedule with a genetic specialist who only comes to our area 1 time a month.

  In retrospect, I am not sure if we will do the test with futher DC's but I can see both sides of the argument.

  ~Kati~

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• kauai04 member

  July 2009

  KatiKM:

  I had the Quad screen done, for the simple reason that my Dr. gave, which is...regardless of if you would plan or not plan to terminate (we would not) the results of these tests could change the way he allowed me to deliver and other treatments.

  I did actually get a false positive for Spina Bifida because of an incorrect calibration of the screen. I am a total worrier, but they got me in for my ultrasound early and found that everything is fine. However had it been correct I would have gotten on the schedule with a genetic specialist who only comes to our area 1 time a month.

  In retrospect, I am not sure if we will do the test with futher DC's but I can see both sides of the argument.

  One thing that worries me is that I read if they are wrong about your DD and you are less far/farther along than they think it can screw up the results.  I have not yet had an USound & my dr. just calculated my DD based on my LMP.  I charted & am sure I didn't ovulate on the typical day 14.  Based on my chart I ovulated on day 24, but my dr. doesn't care about my chart.  If she is off on my DD by 10 days it could really mess up my results (from what I've read in Mayo Clinic).  I do wonder about the testing and having the right doctors there, but from my understanding this test is just for downs & spina bifida (correct me if I'm wrong), which can be detected via usound. 

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• kauai04 member

  July 2009

  DiscusCoach:

  I am totally cool with people deciding not to test but it really bothers me when people say it is because they are not going to terminate. Thinking that the only reason people test is so they can terminate is ignorant (not that this is what you are saying - I am just venting). With certain defects there are drugs that can help the baby's lungs develop faster because they are at high risk for early delivery. With others there are important things that can be done as soon as the baby is born, medical help that they are going to need immediately that, if you don't know there is an issue, it might take a while to pull together.

  Some friends of ours decided not to test. They also decided on a home birth. Their daughter had some pretty drastic birth defects and did not get the medical help she needed immediately. 
  

  I was unaware the test had to do with the baby's lungs?  From what I read it focuses on Downs & Spina Bifida.  Please correct me and if you can explain the lungs thing?  My doctor didn't really go into any details.  That is sad about your friend.  I would never do a home birth just because I want to be right where help is immediately. 

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• hanson4

  July 2009

  I went back and forth over the testing for the same reasons as you. I decided not to get the test, and a large part of that was because my doctor told me that the results of the test would not change how he handled my pregnancy or delievery.  I have heard people here before say it would change the delivery but that's not the way my doctor explained it, so you should ask your doctor and see what he or she thinks the value of the test is in terms of planning or changing treatment.

  On the other hand, I do sometimes wish I had done the testing. They found one soft marker (choroid plexus cysts) on my u/s and while everyone has assured me it is meaningless, it would be a lot more comforting if I had good test results to lean on too.  Of course, I could have been a false positive and then I'd be just as worried, if not more. I think with some things in pregnancy, you just can't win.

  Just an absolute casserole of nonsense.
  CDH, born 10/26/09.... now I see a family, where there once was none.
  

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