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Adoption
firefightersgal
member
XP: Considering the possibility of adoption...questions
firefightersgal
member
in Adoption
We are currently battling with infertility. We don't want to take
treatments any further than what we are currently doing (so no IUI or
IVF). Our insurance doesn't cover it and it seems like even more of an
emotional and physical roller coaster than we are already on. (Not that adoption isn't an emotional roller coaster!)
Anyway, we
talked yesterday that if we cannot have a baby on our own, we'll
probably look into adoption. I found a few things online, including a
free survey for more information. I started to fill it out, but felt a) scared and overwhelmed (and I'm not even 100%
serious yet!) and b) very sad at the idea of not being able to have
another child of our own.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: XP: Considering the possibility of adoption...questions
IMO, the first step when considering adoption after infertility is to first deal with the infertility emotionally.
Until you have worked through and made peace with infertility, I'm not sure you can fully appreciate and enjoy an adoption journey as it also has its own highs/lows towards parenthood.
In our area we have an infertility and adoption counseling center that is not an adoption agency nor do they provide fertility treatments. They help you work through any infertility issues and then once you are ready they help educate you about adoption in general. Your fertility doctor/clinic may have some recommendations for you for your area.
So that covers your beginning the process. There are also many books on the market about adoption - amazon is a great site as well as tapestrybooks. Knowing cost, wait times and the such all vary depending on what path you choose (which may become clearer to you after you have a chance to research).
If you flip through a few pages back you will find a poll that was done where people selected how much their services surrounding their adoption were expected to financially cost. As you will see - it varies a lot.
Welcome to the board, stick around for awhile!
We too, struggled with infertility. (Alot on this board did/still are). We are like you, we did not do IUI/IVF, so we entered the adoption world before spending 1000s on those procedures. (We did so for religious reasons). Like the previous poster mentioned, dealing with the infertility is the first step. Some other starter stuff:
*Start a savings account, or pay down debt!
* Start following along on some message boards / read some books to become more educated and look at all your options.
At some point, you'll need to decide "what" type of adoption you're interested in (foster care to adopt, domestic adoption or international adoption). When you decide what type, then, decide what you're comfortable with.
Good luck, let us know if you have any questions, we have a very diverse group of women on this board, who love to jump in and help.
Ditto the pps. Getting to a good place in dealing with your infertility is a good first step. I found Adopting After Infertility to be an outdated but helpful book. The opening chapters give you a lot to think/talk about when making decisions.
As for how to start, research is usually a good first step. A lot of people recommend beginner books like Adoption for Dummies or the like, or websites like adoption.com, adoption.org, and resolve.org. The Resolve website may be a good resource for you, since it deals with infertility as its main focus. Once you've decided what kind of adoption you're looking at, you can just start checking out websites and making phone calls to see who seems to fit what you're looking for. Once you're comfortable with whoever you're going with, you can take the signing up at your own pace.
Cost vary so much, and it's hard to nail down without knowing how you're going to pursue adoption. Foster/adopt can be free or close to free. Domestic adoption costs/fees vary form agency to agency, ditto for international. Some agencies charge on a sliding scale. Or you may go with a lawyer who has their own fee schedule. And there's a tax credit available after you finalize. Your companies may also provide adoption reimbursement programs, so it's worth looking into when you're ready.
Feel free to come visit here often, and ask as many questions as you want. The gals here are great, and there are people in all stages of all kinds of adoption, including birthmoms and those who were adopted.
Good luck!