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how can DC learn to self-soothe without CIO?
i get frustrated hearing all the advice to put them in the crib drowsy-but-awake so they learn to self soothe. for us, that becomes CIO, because she is a screamer. always has been, it's all she did for the first 3 months of her life unless i held her all the time!
anyway now she is really heavy, and we still either rock/bounce her to sleep, or she falls asleep in the car and we transfer her to crib, or i nurse her to sleep (i'm a SAHM). which isn't so bad, but sometimes she will wake when we put her in the crib and it can take 3 re-tries until she stays down, it is exhausting. but are these my only options?? am doing a dis-service to her by always comforting her so she never learns how to do it herself??
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Re: how can DC learn to self-soothe without CIO?
Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? She has some tips on how to make new sleep associations for your kiddo that will help her go to sleep on her own.
I don't think you are doing a disservice to her by comforting her - i still do the same thing. My thinking is that I'm teaching kiddo that sleep is a good and safe thing that he should be happy about. He is already starting to fall asleep on his own some (and I haven't even really tried the NCSS stuff yet) - sometimes he'll finish nursing. look at me, roll over and go to sleep. Other times he wakes in the middle of the night, looks at me and go back to sleep. Those times are increasing so I think he is slowly learning how to put himself to sleep.
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Does DS use a pacifier? We were reluctant to introduce one and held off until 3 months but he clearly had a big need to suck and it helped tremendously with his ability to self-soothe. Not that we were looking to do that - I was, and am, happy to nurse him to sleep. But it seemed sometimes that he wanted to comfort nurse without getting any milk but it wasn't working the way he wanted (I had an oversupply). Anyway, between the pacifier and his lovey (which I believe we gave to him at maybe 4 mos) he started using a combo of the 2 to put himself to sleep. He still nurses to sleep but some of the time he won't fall asleep while nursing but will be drowsy, so we will put him down with the paci and lovey (or just a burp cloth) and he self-soothes his way to sleep. Just some thoughts...
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6 months is still really young. I agree crying does not teach a child to self-soothe, it eventually just teaches some of them them to give up, since they realize that mom and dad aren't available to give them the comfort they need. And those that don't give up? Just keep on crying.
NCSS actually didn't have all that many solutions for this.
The lovey was the best I gleaned from it. (Not so helpful.) I actually found the Baby Whisperer more helpful. (Pick up/put down, etc.) Some AP parents don't love her, but she's definitely no-cry, so that was my only major criteria for getting sleep help.
Anyway, DD *still* likes help getting to sleep at night. But we've done a gradual taking away of all the bells and whistles. She liked to be nursed, rocked, sung to, bounced, and offered a partridge in a pear tree. So we got rid of one thing at a time. First the bouncing... then the rocking... etc...
Now? We just need to sit there. For a few months she was doing it all on her own, but now she needs the reassurance of our presence again. It's a bit of a pain and we're working on moving ourselves out of the room.
When DD was small, I always nursed her to sleep. Sometimes she still does. But lately it seems, she'll nurse & then DH puts her to bed. He goes in & rocks (standing) and then lay her down when she's asleep. If we put her in awake before she requests to lay down, she'll stand & scream instantly. Many times I'll be laying her down (asleep), and the second she's on (or almost on) the crib she wakes up demanding to be held again.
There are nights when I'll sit next to the crib & put my hand on her belly and sing to her, but it's IMPOSSIBLE to leave her side or the room if she's still awake.
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I read the NCSS when DS was 9 months old, and it helped us so much. Using the tips in the book, we helped DS learn to put himself to sleep without being nursed all the way down, and even when he wakes up to nurse at night, he is able to go back to sleep so much more easily. He went from waking an average of three times a night to just once, and a few times lately, he has made it all the way to 5:30 am. And it involved no crying, truly. I think it's a great book with a lot of helpful tips.
Yes it's possible. We did not do CIO with either of my children and both go down awake and fall asleep on their own without crying. We have always helped soothe them, but around 9/10 months old they seemed to need us to do less soothing.
Also we found that NCSS did wonders! My DS had a suck to sleep association so once we broke that (unlatching him once he slows way down in sucking, allowing him to latch again if he roots, repeat until he no longer roots) he did much better. We also introduced loveys, use white noise, gave them crib soothers, dress them warm, gave them blankets and pillows and follow a strict bedtime routine. Additionally we use the method of my DH attempting to pat, sing, or rock them back to sleep first, if they wake, before offering the boob, bottle, or sippy.