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Adoption
Gift for First Meeting?
We got "the call" last Friday and we have our first phone call scheduled for this Saturday. SO EXCITED!!!
After this, we are hoping to schedule a visit with her so we can meet in person. So, I was thinking, what should I take for the visit? Should I take her a gift? I plan to definitely take a photo album with more pics of the family and stuff and a camera, but should I take anything else?
I figured you all would have the perfect answers. 
Thanks!
Erica
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Gift for First Meeting?
I agree - nothing sentimental. You should talk to your attorney or agency and see what they recommend. Our attorney/agency recommended no gifts - it sets up an expectation, and you have to check to see what your state's law allows in the way of the value of gifts.
I completely agree with giving a sentimental gift within your law's gift value allowance at time of placement though.
Good luck. BTW you just have to do what you feel is right and what is recommended to you by your agency/attorney because there are many supporters as well of giving gifts at first meeting.
We didn't take anything for S when we first met her. I was going to bake cookies but then I thought what if she doesn't have a sweet tooth (she doesn't) or what if she thinks "Great, more stuff to add on the pounds!" I also just felt uncomfortable at that point giving her something. Our attorney told us to stay away from getting anything that might be frowned upon by the courts. We had to document every $ amount that we spent on S. We treated her and her mom to lunch and kept the receipt for court. It's hard because you want to do so much but also you don't want to put pressure on her to make a decision or look unfavorable to the judge.
Another gift idea is a little basket of lotions, bubble bath, candle. That way she can kind of pamper herself.
After Shelby was born we gave her a framed pic of her holding Shelby and we made a photo book of all the pics that were taken those 3 days in the hospital. I eventually want to get something like a charm bracelet, locket or birthstone jewelry, but that will be after finalization.
I also think something baked would be fine, or even just flowers for her. The other thing I have heard is to give her the photo album if she wants it...
Hi Erica,
Our agency suggested we bring flowers or cookies. They also suggested we bring photos.
When we read her file, the birth mom had said that she really liked art. I asked the director of our agency (who had met with us) if it was okay to bring some small art supplies for her, too. She said that was a great idea. So we went to the meeting with the art supplies in a little gift bag and some cookies I had made. I had put together a mini 8"x8" scrapbook for her with pictures of our family. I gave that to her at the meeting, too.
Check and see what is allowed or not allowed as far as gifts go - that's the main thing.
Personally, I would bring nothing. Looking back, it would have felt too weird and presumptuous if I had taken something to that first meeting.
Our second meeting was at our house and I had snacks out. Prior to delivery, I did a tote with goodies for the hospital. We also gave flowers and an engraved frame after placement.
Be careful about sweets--she may be watching her weight or blood sugars.
Thanks for all the great suggestions! I think something baked would be wonderful, as long as she's not having to watch her weight or anything. Cupcakes are one of my favorite things in the whole wide world! I'll have to see if she enjoys sweets when chat with her tomorrow.
I think the scrapbook idea is a great one. I may go ahead and start working on that.
Thanks again!
Erica
Lingering....Sorry, I love hearing about your stories and wish all of you the best of journeys while trying to adopt happy healthy babies. Plus, it's always good to get a different view on things...I'm a birthmother of 7 years now and at my first meeting, the adoptive couple brought me a small basket of girlie soaps and lotions. They told me to pamper myself! I really appreciated their thoughfulness. It wasn't over the top, but let me know they were thinking of me and my well being too.
For me, the first meeting was terrifying! I had so many different thoughts running through my head...I hoped they liked me, I hoped I looked ok, I hoped I said the right things, and so on and so forth. Just remember, she's probably asking the same question you are and hoping it goes prefect! Atleast, I did when it came to my first meeting and every meeting after that!
Good Luck!