Sick and Tired-Vent

corgidogs · July 2009

Sorry I have to post and run ladies, but I would truly love to hear your responses on this.

I am so sick and tired of talking to people IRL about us TTC and getting these responses: it will happen when it happens, don't stress and it will happen, if it's meant to be it will be.

I am thinking that for now on I am only going to talk to you ladies about our TTTC because you ladies are the only ones who understand and I am sick of people using these lines.

So here's my question, do any of you have good comes backs for when people say these horrible things to you?

AJflowers · July 2009

yes, silence. I don't talk to people about it at all, except on here...and I have one friend who asks how things are going occassionally, and I tell her. She's pretty cool about it.

mrs.g_6708 · July 2009

F*** you Devil . Well, I think it anyway

ETA: Okay my real answer, the one of my girlfriends that I have told (totally wish I hadn't) asks occassionally and I just say 'it's going, nothing yet- we're just seeing what happens' to relieve some of the pressure.

Mrs_Carroll · July 2009

I didnt tell anyone IRL for that reason. I say dont talk with people about it and if someone brings it up, just tell them that for now, youre keeping the topic between you and Dh.

wlknsnlrn · July 2009

I just started telling people we aren't trying anymore and walk away.

Mrs.PinkPearls · July 2009

I have no good comebacks. : ( I get shell shocked when someone, especially family, says things like that. They got pregnant easily so I guess they think I should. It sucks.

jteam06 · July 2009

Sorry that you're experiencing that. I think that people just don't really know what to say if they haven't been in that situation. All of those typical responses are said over and over, and I think it's probably just a knee-jerk reaction for people to say that. It sort of fills the space, almost like a verbal pause. I think that they're trying to be encouraging, but obviously not being entirely sensitive about it.

We haven't really told anyone IRL that we're TTC because I wanted to avoid this, so I don't have any good comebacks. Maybe just shoot 'em the middle finger?

Good luck.

shanmoyer · July 2009

I find silence works the best when they come at you with comments like that. It shows them that you're hurt by what they said, and that you really don't want to dicsuss it any longer if they are going to be negative about what you are specifically going through.

ondjima · July 2009

I say "How is that going to help? You know where babies come from right? How is relaxing having sex going to result in a baby? That doesn't even make sense."

I works pretty well. And depending on who it is, you can sound like you are joking or pissed off the message gets accross.

epirani · July 2009

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It pisses me off especially when it is someone who got pregnant first ttc cycle! I just want to scream! I wish I did have a comeback! Just glad we have support here

kb75 · July 2009

I'm sorry. It sucks because we find those comments hurtful and ignorant, yet the people saying them usually think they are being helpful and supportive. They don't realize what stupid things they are to say.

I would just stop talking to those people about TTC and if they ask, just tell them you're not in the mood to discuss it and leave it at that.

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · July 2009

I don't really talk to anyone about it. Everyone in my family who knows we are TTC honestly believes that I'm fine with how long it is taking so they don't have the oppurtunity to tell me to "relax, etc."

jteam06 · July 2009

ondjima:
I say "How is that going to help? You know where babies come from right? How is relaxing having sex going to result in a baby? That doesn't even make sense."
I works pretty well. And depending on who it is, you can sound like you are joking or pissed off the message gets accross.

I do like this one a lot. I love snarky sarcasm.

bannedmonkey · July 2009

I can't imagine wanting a "comeback" when people are trying to offer you their support. It doesn't sounds like anyone has said anything truely rude or negative.

If you're feeling that sensitive about it, just leave it be. A simple "I'd rather not talk about this anymore" should get them to leave it alone.

Rubys_Mom · July 2009

I specifically didn't talk to anyone about TTC at first. Obviously they all knew after I m/c the first time. Otherwise I specifically don't bring it due to those comments. Good luck!!!

k-mart · July 2009

You can say that when it happens they will be the first to know - before dh. That might shut them up. But for the most part I would just not bring it up and if they have their "wise" comments to share with you - walk away in the middle of the conversation. They should get the picture then.

corgidogs · July 2009

Oh and and my DH is even like, If it's meant to be it will be. UUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH

wildwestbride · July 2009

i'm with you. this topic is the single most annoying thing about TTC. what i secretly look forward to are the times after i've become pregnant when i can be the one to offer other women real advice rather than the same thing they've heard over and over from a bunch of fertile myrtles.

11Lemon11 · July 2009

I would just tell them that you all decided not to try anymore for personal reasons, then maybe they won't ask you anymore.

And for your DH, let him know that you know it will happen when it's meant to be, but that you don't appreciate him saying that because its so hard to hear, hopefully he will understand.

wildwestbride · July 2009

M.Monkey.:
I can't imagine wanting a "comeback" when people are trying to offer you their support. It doesn't sounds like anyone has said anything truely rude or negative.
If you're feeling that sensitive about it, just leave it be. A simple "I'd rather not talk about this anymore" should get them to leave it alone.

i don't think these comments are rude or negative, but i do think they are a bit insensitive, especially when they come from people who had no TTC struggles whatsoever. telling someone to "just relax and it will happen" when they know you've been trying for several months is just ignorant.

rebelina1 · July 2009

I don't talk to anyone IRL about TTC. My BFF has been trying for years and just went through her third round of IVF so I will talk with her about her issues when she wants to but I don't really talk to her about mine. I do ask her the occasional questions because she is the TTC guru after all of these years!

BTW, please send her baby dust. She finds out today if this IVF round took. She is the most deserving person and should be rewarded with motherhood. Not only has she been battling IF for almost 8 years she is also a cancer survivor.

k-mart · July 2009

M.Monkey.:

I can't imagine wanting a "comeback" when people are trying to offer you their support. It doesn't sounds like anyone has said anything truely rude or negative.

If you're feeling that sensitive about it, just leave it be. A simple "I'd rather not talk about this anymore" should get them to leave it alone.

I do agree with you Monkey, after re-reading the original post.

I would have to say that if YOU bring up the subject, then you should be a big girl and take whatever they say to you. There really isn't a "right" thing to say in that situation so that a conversation is carried on. If there is a "right" thing to say - please let me know because I know I have tried to be carring and supportive with people with my comments.

My response of comebacks was meant for those people who make it their goal in life to prod and ask you when you are going to have kids and why are you not pregnant, etc. If you bring it up - deal with it.

JMRau · July 2009

AJflowers:
yes, silence. I don't talk to people about it at all, except on here...and I have one friend who asks how things are going occassionally, and I tell her. She's pretty cool about it.

This. I haven't told anyone IRL that we're TTC except for one of my very best girlfriends, who's due with their first next month. They are the first of our good group of friends to have a baby and just recently went through everything themselves, so I feel comfortable talking to her about it and know she keeps it all in confidence. Otherwise - no one will know until I (hopefully!) get that BFP.

engrider18 · July 2009

I flat out tell them I'm sorry its not that easy since I only have 3-4 chances a year instead of the ideal 12x. That usually changes their tune real fast. Though it's getting old trying to explain ovulation to grown women that don't understand how their bodies work.

EmmaBrooke · July 2009

I know exactly what you mean, but I only discuss it with my SIL/BF & she's sworn to secrecy! Whenever I mention anything to her about temping or charting, she immediately tries to put it down & says that she "knows me" and that it's only going to stress me out. I've told her a million times that it's way less stressing than not knowing what's going on with my body & that I kind of like watching my little graph on FF be made. No matter what I tell her, I just can't get it through her head that it's actually a good thing, and that the old hope & pray method is actually not the best method.

Phew! Sorry, kind of went off on my own little vent there. Anyway, to answer your question, she's chock full of all the "if it's meant to be" & "let it happen when it happens" phrases & every time, I just ignore her & try to change the subject. Otherwise it's like trying to argue with a wall. It's for this exact reason that we haven't told another person IRL about our TTC plight.

Mrs. BZ · July 2009

Silence. I really dont say anything.

Mizz&Shizz · July 2009

I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY SHIZZ LIKE THAT.

I usually say something kind of pissy pants like "Relaxing? Really? That would be awesome if that worked! Do you think if I relax I will somehow become a millionaire too?" Usually people just give me a wierd look but they get the point.

Or, a lot of times people will ask (ones who don't know we are TTC but suspect we are because most of my friends are either TTC or KU) "When are you going to get pregnant?" So I will say, "I don't know, you tell me".

I once had someone at work ask me if there was a baby bump underneath my scrubs. I said "No, its just bloating, but thanks."

bedebum13 · July 2009

A friend of mine (who is 3 months pregnant) tried for about a 1.5 years with DH and made the mistake of telling people they were trying. Everytime we were all hanging out 5 or 6 people would ask her about it. One girl even called her every morning to ask!! Eventually (about 6/7 months in) she told everyone they decided not to try because they had other things they wanted to do. People are ridiculous and will make ridiculous comments - I would tell them you aren't trying or say nothing.

raskind17 · July 2009

wlknsnlrn:
I just started telling people we aren't trying anymore and walk away.

This! I say we are just having fun as a couple and then we will start again SO THEY LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

AJflowers · July 2009

wildwestbride:
i'm with you. this topic is the single most annoying thing about TTC. what i secretly look forward to are the times after i've become pregnant when i can be the one to offer other women real advice rather than the same thing they've heard over and over from a bunch of fertile myrtles.

*dies* I love it.

craftlady07 · July 2009

I either don't say anything or reply "yeah I wish". i get question-ed looks, but most ppl shut up

hainesherway · July 2009

wildwestbride:
i'm with you. this topic is the single most annoying thing about TTC. what i secretly look forward to are the times after i've become pregnant when i can be the one to offer other women real advice rather than the same thing they've heard over and over from a bunch of fertile myrtles.

Ditto this! And LMAO at "fertile myrtles"!

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