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mom2ll
member
Tell me I'm being stupid...
mom2ll
member
Dh comes home and helps with the kids every night.. They are his kids too..... Today I tell him I'm working next Sat for 2 or 3 hours. He says "in order to be on my bike team I'm supposed to lead a ride... I've scheduled it for Wed night and I probably won't be home in time to help put the kids to bed".... I'm PISSED... he pays to be on the team, but hardly rides because WE HAVE 2 SMALL CHILDREN. Not like they are going to kick him off.... I got steaming mad and said "I'm sure you can get out of it"... Then he tells me that he watches the kids FOR ME ALL THE TIME... ONCE he watched them when I went to do something social (the package party) and he literally pushed me out the door and had 2 friend over helping him (and he hadn't been with them ALL DAY and I bathed Lila and had all the bottles made). I left at 6:00 so he was with them 2 HOURS. I'm with them all day every day (except 15 hours a week I only have 1 instead of 2 because of MDO). Then he says "no, I watched them for you when you go to work"... Yes, just like I watch them while he is at work.. Am I out of line? He rides his bike for 4 hour every weekend. I make sure he has "his time"... He's going OOT this weekend.. By Wed, I will not have had one minute pf "child free" time in over a week... If it was work I could let it go, but he just wants to go drink beer with his friends.
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Re: Tell me I'm being stupid...
Pics by Fleurish Imagery
You are absolutley entitled to being upset!
I get mad a DH all the time for this reason. Only his escape is fishing. Last weekend as a matter of fact we got into an argument because of this. He had gone fishing that morning, then at night he wanted to go play basketball with some buddies from work. Meanwhile I had worked all week, plus attended a playgroup with DD. The dog had gotten stung by a wasp and he wanted me to take care of the dog while I still had to give dd a bath and get her to bed, a feat whichlately requires two people cause one does not have enough patience!
I get mad because every activity I plan involves Elysabeth but every activity he plans involves him having fun and me watching on the sidelines. He plays indoor soccer for a league, we don't go to the games because they usually start after Elysabeth's bed time and the few times I've taken her she cries all the way home. He goes fishing either late at night or early in the morning. Now he wants to play basketball with buddies from work on Sunday nights (again after DD's bedtime). He gets home some nights 2 hours before I do and the only thing he does to help out is pick up the kitchen (on some nights).
I totally understand your frustration...btw sorry to highjack your post!
Hope it gets better...let me know if you come up with something!
Del
if you're looking for someone to tell you that you are being stupid, then don't look here. i'd be just as upset as you. i'm convinced that you and i are married to the same man because i've had the same conversation(s) with my DH. ask me when the last time DH fed our DD her breakfast on the weekend was? oh yeah...that's right...he NEVER has...because he HAS to get up and go running every saturday morning. and then, after i give him grief over it, he tells me "so what? i get 3 hours to go running at the crack of dawn. you get to go get your nails done every 3-4 weeks." BIG DIFFERENCE. i get one nail appt. a month and i always schedule it for when DD takes her nap, so all he has to do is sit there and watch TV.
ugh! men suck sometimes.
Men....ugh
my dh said the other day that dd waking up at night hadnt been that bad...um, shes 4 mo and wakes up at 2 and 6am. he's never NEVER gotten up to feed her so what the heck does he know!
I agree with Thatsmygirl 100%. You're not going to get anyone telling you you're stupid here! Men JUST DON'T GET IT. I am completely convinced of this. My DH is awesome about this type of stuff, but it just isn't the same. They really probably can't handle being with the kiddos (however many) more than a few hours, and when they are, WE feel guilty about leaving them. I usually try to either take Charlotte with me, schedule things after she's gone down for the night, or do stuff during her naptime. I can't really complain about it because he is happy to take her if I have something I need to do, but I often feel like the things I "do" when I go out w/o her are family-related ~ going to the store, going to run necessary errands, doing stuff for other people, etc.
On the flip side, DH went to his parents' house to brew beer a couple of weeks ago (w/o us b/c it's too f*cking hot without central a/c at the farm), he's going on a five-day trip with his sister to accompany her driving back up to NY for school, he's going back up to the farm in about three weeks to bottle the beer he and his friend made, he's going out of town for work in a couple of weeks for 3-4 days, and then in November, he and the guys in his stepfather's family are having a boys' get together for 4 days. Granted, they do this every year and it's at his parents' farm this year, but Char and I will probably only go up for a night or so and then come back home.
I can't help but be jealous and kind of pissed that he gets all these fun, responsibility-free trips (one can argue that work trips don't count in that, but I beg to differ as he gets to do what he wants w/ no home/child responsibility), and I haven't had a freaking massage or mani/pedi in over a year. Ugh.
Umm, sorry to hijack your post, but I totally understand. Like I said, I shouldn't complain b/c he's super helpful with Charlotte (as she IS his child, too), but I sometimes feel like men are just the babysitters while women do most of the work with kids.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. (for most men... there are exceptions.)
You aren't being stupid and you have EVERY right to be upset. DH and I have the exact same issues, cept his is for golf, not biking.
He doesn't get it either and tends to throw a fit when I have something going on that interferes with him playing golf. I haven't yet figured out how to make him realize that he's not a babysitter, but a PARENT.
To add to this, when I was BF'ing full time (not just first thing in morning/last thing in pm like I am now), I do realize that it was different, and I had to leave enough bottles w/ breastmilk for DH to use, and she wasn't as "easy" to take care of as she is now. It's much easier for him to take care of her now b/c she's mobile, eats big girl food, doesn't need bottles, and is happy to go along on errands and car rides (for the most part). Yet, I still feel guilty if I leave to go do something before her bedtime and he's the one who handles dinnertime, bathtime, and bedtime without me.
Yet, when he goes out of town, I do 100%. Everything. I have to juggle her needs, my needs, and our three pets' needs, plus usual household stuff. I don't think until and unless I were to leave her alone with him for even 24 hours would he truly realize how much it is to take care of her with no assistance.
Again, he's a wonderful dada and parent. That doesn't change my stance that men/fathers usually will just not understand fully, ever.
preaching to the choir here ...
josh is back in marathon training now and its pissing me off because he has to do at least one medium long run a weeknight which means she's mine all day long.
after saturday, being gone just what, five hours? i came home and he was like, "she's exhausting!" and i said, yup, it sure was nice to use the bathroom by myself.
i feel just like you brandi, his life gets to be normal and mine is the one that has been turned upside down.
j+k+m+e | running with needles
I'll start by saying I completely relate to everything that was said here. I am in the same situation, completely. Except my husband doesn't go off on trips or running or whatever. He's usually home--he just doesn't help out unless I'm not there. Meals, changing diapers/pullups, bathtime...we used to share bedtime responsibilities (except for bathing), but even that has changed now. However, I take full responsibility for being in this situation. I have allowed it to happen. Instead of doing something about it, I've just gotten all passive-aggressive.
So with that said, I have a question. Do you guys make the time for yourselves just as your husbands do? Do you make plans to do things with your friends/family, without your kids and husband? Do you make it too easy on him?
This. It's because I feel so guilty for staying home and not contributing financially, so in my mind, I'm not "working" and he is, so I feel he deserves more of a break than I do.
j+k+m+e | running with needles
yeah- this is true to an extent. from 8-6 the kids are my job and if i don't like it i can go back to my office job. that is very true. but when he gets home, that's it. we share 100%. i look at it this way- we've both done our job all day and we have responsibilities at night at home. mine happen to be the same as they were during the day and his happen to be more demanding at night (which is saying a lot since he is a trial attorney. lol). i am lucky though. while my DH works to support us, he truly does see my 'job' as the most important job in the world. so, i do make it easy on him b/c i could go out a hell of a lot more than i do...
you are so sweet... come to lunch... 11:45 at Russo's (see the main board). I'll let you hold her while I eat
want to get the kids together on Tues?
Let's see... It's 10 til 10 and my DH hasn't been home yet... Guess where he's at?
I've never understood why we feel guilt for wanting some "kid-free" time when the guys typically don't. I think it's just because we all want to be such awesome mom's and we are!
I"m pretty sure Natalie's not going to end up going to school. They were going to call me if they had room for her and I haven't heard from anyone yet. I don't think I can make it to lunch today though
But I def want to get together on Tuesday!
Just a thought, since I'm not in the position yet. What if you had a schedule of days you needed to be out of the house kid free and times he needed to be kid free? Is that dumb and potentially useless?
Seems like part of the problem is that it's last minute on his part to let you know and that's what causes frustration. Just a suggestions - take it or leave it.
Either way, it sucks. I have mentioned over and over the whole "dads as babysitters" thing to DH. He commented a few weeks ago that a friend was babysitting his son. I quickly corrected him that parents don't babysit. They do their job as a parent! I think after my rage he'll be careful in saying that again. :-)
Sorry but I can't tell you that you're stupid
My DH steps up and does a lot with the kids. Granted he was better when we had 1 and not 2 but he is still better then most that I hear about. However, he gets to go to the gym every day for a couple of hours. I get zero time to myself unless you count driving to/from work 2 days a week. I feel like I can't even shower alone. I leave him alone when he is on the computer (which feels like all the time lately) and if I go to check my email, pay bill, etc. I feel like he is hovering over me with Abby and I usually give up on what I am doing. It's hard. The other weekend when I went to Harmony's on Friday for the party and then a baby shower the next day I felt guilty for all that time. He didnt' make me feel that way but I did. I can guarantee you that he doesn't feel guilty in his time away.
Crazy Christmas Kids!
You see, this is why I love this board. it's so nice to hear I'm not the only one who has these kinda issues with DH. I'm not working outside the home, he is. When he gets home he'll sit down on the couch, relax, read his cookbooks. His hobby is cooking so he loves 2 read all the cookbooks. I go to sleep earlier than does cuz i sleep with the baby (thats another long story
) so I leave him a list of to-do's..sometimes i think he doesn't like it so much like he's not at work anymore. I've asked him before "what did you think having a family was going to be like?" Yes it's work, work and then more work. When you get home you start your second shift 
. My job is 24 hours but he thinks his isn't?? And then he talks about the great things he's gonna cook on the weekend which will take him half the day on Saturday. Uhm no you need to help- darn i used the word help- i meant take care of the baby!! He used to look at me kinda confused. Does he not think I would like to do the things I used to do (run, bike, swim, train) YES! YES! YES of course I would but it just isn't the same anymore with baby.. Men! they just take longer for it to sink in - Life as you knew it no longer exists!