I have some questions. f/u to 2nd baby showers

Sheeks88 · July 2009

What are your views on having birthday parties? Are those just as tacky? Are you going to tell your child that it is selfish if your friends give you presents on your birthday? If anything birthdays are worse, because they are every year. Are you going to tell your parents not to buy their grandchild a present because you can support them yourself?

Its not about the money or the amount of things you get. People just like being nice to each other.

sspyles · July 2009

Oh good grief. You can't be serious.

SmallandNeedy · July 2009

So is the original problem that people are saying it's tacky to have showers for your 2nd or 3rd pregnancy??

I would say that birthdays are different -- if only because a shower is meant to prepare you for your baby, and if you already have children you probably have most of what you need. Does that make sense?

I may have misunderstood without seeing the original post.?

jdlocke · July 2009

I think there are certain situations for 2nd showers. For example, my BIL already had a 2 year old girl, and they were having twin boys. They had NO boy things, at all! I think that is appropriate. I also think that having friends and family getting together to celebrate the 2nd baby is great, just without the gifts. And if they bring a gift out of the kindness of their hearts, then that's great. I know that when I have #2, I will not have a 2nd shower, just maybe a family party with close friends.

Tchaikov32 · July 2009

jdlocke:
I think there are certain situations for 2nd showers. For example, my BIL already had a 2 year old girl, and they were having twin boys. They had NO boy things, at all! I think that is appropriate. I also think that having friends and family getting together to celebrate the 2nd baby is great, just without the gifts. And if they bring a gift out of the kindness of their hearts, then that's great. I know that when I have #2, I will not have a 2nd shower, just maybe a family party with close friends.

I agree with this. If you have a different gendered baby the second time around, you may need some new things. It just makes sense. Or if you have your babies a significant amount of years apart it makes sense to have another shower.

Nicole731 · July 2009

I think the bottom line is that everyone has different opinions, whether it be because they were raised a certain way, grew up in a certain area, whatever. If you want a shower for your second baby, have one. Like I said, I didn't want one but my family wants to throw one. They would rather have help knowing what I will need instead of blindly buying gifts that I may not use, therefore I am registering. Nobody in my family thinks it is tacky, and that is all that matters. It has nothing to do with the fact that I can't support my own kids, nor do I expect anyone to buy my kids gifts or to buy things that we need for them so I don't have to. If someone decides to judge me and think that's the case, then that is their (incorrect) opinion.

Saran · July 2009

Oh here we go again.

My take on it is that at b-day's, people give age appropriate gifts where is at baby showers, the same gifts would be given so the assumption is that you already have all the baby stuff from the first baby. I had twins, so I have 2 of everything. I can't imagine having another shower to end up with 3 of everything for 1 baby.

oregontechmom · July 2009

What I find entertaining about this whole issue is that before I was pg and started hanging out on these boards, I had no idea about all these etiquette rules and things. I think unless you're pg, most people don't know any better or care. If they are your friends and family, it's likely they'll get you things any way so why not just have the party. I dunno...I know that's not a popular opinion here but I just find this whole subject entertaining.

(I'm also glad I don't have to deal with it. It's the one benefit of having no one close enough to throw you a baby shower any way =P)

NC_Momma · July 2009

My mom offered to have a second shower for me once the baby arrives....but my last child was born over 8 years ago! I have nothing left!

Sheeks88 · July 2009

sspyles:

Oh good grief. You can't be serious.

Why wouldn't I be. If the topic was getting presents for having multiple children is tacky and selfish, then would having a party for the same child every year be just as tacky. I have never heard of someone to have a shower or party as a way to support their family. At the very least that is not the reason why I have had any.

My point is being lost on you. What I am trying to say is that none of these things are about collecting presents. It is about celebrating and you should be calling it tacky or calling someone selfish because of it.

mamalae · July 2009

I think kids should get a Birthday party every year! If you don't want or need gifts write it on the invite. 2nd baby showers are situation depending. Like for example I have 4 daughters, so if we have a boy this time we will have nothing. Not to mention we got rid of everything because we were not planning on having another child.?

JinglesChic · July 2009

My husband is having a birthday party a week from now and I don't think anyone is going to give gifts, barring from the novelty over the hill item or something. At this point in life, it's about celebrating the good times with your friends, not about the gifts. I'm ify about second baby showers, but if you really want one, then do it. But to me, a baby shower is around 80% about gifts. That's why you make a big deal about opening in front of everyone and sending out thank you's etc. If it was about the friendship then call it a celebrating baby or welcome baby (once your LO is here) instead so your guests know it's about having a good time. Let's face it, most people have more fun at a low key event than a real baby shower.

LilMissSunshine · July 2009

Apples to oranges, my dear.

With that said, showers for 2nd+ babies are just not customary in my area. I'm sorry people are offended by this, but it's just not what people do in the northeast as much. If it's my 2nd niece or nephew on the way, I will buy some new things, just as I did for their first one, but overall, people here do not have 2nd baby showers when LO is still young.

Sheeks88 · July 2009

jmichgale:

What I find entertaining about this whole issue is that before I was pg and started hanging out on these boards, I had no idea about all these etiquette rules and things. I think unless you're pg, most people don't know any better or care. If they are your friends and family, it's likely they'll get you things any way so why not just have the party. I dunno...I know that's not a popular opinion here but I just find this whole subject entertaining.

(I'm also glad I don't have to deal with it. It's the one benefit of having no one close enough to throw you a baby shower any way =P)

That is what I said in the other post. Some people assume that a shower is about getting as many things as you can.

avbliss · July 2009

I think with 2nd or 3rd babies having a homecoming party to celebrate their birth is appropriate as opposed to a shower, since that is more equivalent to a birthday party. But if people offer to throw showers for subsequent pregnancies then by all means.

beckys96 · July 2009

Sheeks88:
sspyles:

Oh good grief. You can't be serious.

Why wouldn't I be. If the topic was getting presents for having multiple children is tacky and selfish, then would having a party for the same child every year be just as tacky. I have never heard of someone to have a shower or party as a way to support their family. At the very least that is not the reason why I have had any.

My point is being lost on you. What I am trying to say is that none of these things are about collecting presents. It is about celebrating and you should be calling it tacky or calling someone selfish because of it.

I must say I sort of agree with you. My baby shower was a surprise and I got awesome gifts but for me it was MORE about celebrating the birth of a child then anything. Why wouldn't you want to celebrate EACH child you have.

kuzzu25 · July 2009

jdlocke:
And if they bring a gift out of the kindness of their hearts, then that's great.

Aren't they ALWAYS bringing a gift out of the kindness of their heart? I would hope so anyway.

k.linn · July 2009

LilMissSunshine:

Apples to oranges, my dear.

With that said, showers for 2nd+ babies are just not customary in my area. I'm sorry people are offended by this, but it's just not what people do in the northeast as much. If it's my 2nd niece or nephew on the way, I will buy some new things, just as I did for their first one, but overall, people here do not have 2nd baby showers when LO is still young.

Ditto this. I also don't really buy the "but I had boy first and now it's a girl and I have noooo girl things!" as a valid reason for having a second shower. Use a little foresight and perhaps buy some of the more standard items that you'll use again (car seat, stroller, bouncer, etc.) in gender neutral patterns.

Maybe it's moreso a regional thing. We would also generally never have showers for a second marriage.

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