upset

jersangl · July 2009

I feel like such a mess right now. We adopted a newborn baby. She has been home with me for a week now. I have a close relatonship with the birth mom, but the birth father is a jerk. I heard he may want her now. I cant stop from crying. I dont know if I could handle her being taken away from me

Temp206787500007404 · July 2009

What is the revocation period where you live or where your adoption is being finalized? Did the birth father not sign the papers?

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

jersangl · July 2009

He didnt sign. He was saying the baby wasnt his before. So it would be 4 months, if he shows no sign of interest we can terminate his rights

Temp206787500007404 · July 2009

I don't know if this helps, but we've asked the question of our attorney and social worker what happens if something like this comes up.

And at least where we live, the attorney and social worker both had similar answers. And that is you will end up in court, and the birth father will have to prove his case to the judge. The judge usually wants to know where he was for the entire 9 months of the pregnancy (especially if you've been matched for awhile and have formed a relationship with the birthmother and provided for expenses), why he didn't support her, if he didn't think it was his before, why does he think it's his now, how he plans to care for the baby without her in the picture, what his childcare plans are, plans for schooling, etc. Basically a homestudy, but on the spot with little to no prep -- and he would get drilled on it -- again, that is what would happen here.

I don't think the court would let him waltz in and take the baby from you guys without making some effort and doing some explaining for where the heck he has been for the past-however-long.

Of course, it may be different where you are, but I would be asking your caseworker/attorney these questions for sure.

jersangl · July 2009

that is good to know

GLynn2009 · July 2009

Take to your SW and lawyer. I am sooooo sorry. Let us know how things are going because I think this is a fear that we all have to some extent.

so1966 · July 2009

I"m so very sorry you are going through this. (((HUGS))) I hope all works out for you. Pls keep us posted.

jacksjerseygirl · July 2009

First, congratulations on your new baby! Becoming a mom is so hardest but rewarding. I imagine you are under a lot of stress with just becoming a mom and having a newborn let alone all that comes with DA with birth parents and the legal aspects.

Secondly, enjoy your baby. If need be, stop communication with the birth father. And, if the birth mother is adding fuel to the fire by relaying what the birth father is saying then perhaps take a break from communicating with her too. I think that in the beginning, you need a bit of time to get your emotions in order, to adjust to the sleep deprivation and the whirl wind that you have gone through.

Third, as I believe a PP stated talk to your agency or attorney.

Good luck to you! Those first few weeks were soo tough! We are also still dealing with some potential issues with our BF but we can't worry about it and let our agency, attorney and court system do their job.

Take care!

kgs0505 · July 2009

Ditto what MrsB said. The attorney I'm going through said that it's much more difficult for the birth father to gain custody and virtually impossible if he didn't provide any support to the birth mother. It pretty much all comes down to whether or not he played a part in supporting her during her pregnancy.

Congrats on your new baby! I'm sorry this issue is stressing you out, having a newborn is stressful enough.

CaptainSerious · July 2009

I'm so sorry you have to face this. Take heart, though, these women know of which they speak. I wouldn't be surprised if the birth father backs off once he knows what will be required of him.