s/o BW's post - how do you stroke your DH's ego?

Momma.Brown · July 2009

its funny that this came up today. I was listening to a conversation about this very topic on the radio this morning. They were talking about how we (women) forget to compliment our husbands. We?subconsciously?see them as being stronger and not in need of an ego boost.

They were also saying that we dont hold back on nagging and berating them because we view them as infinitely confident. Like, when we upset them they are just being babies. But when they upset us they are being jerks who dont care about our feelings.

I always try to pepper in some good with the bad - even if i have to grit my teeth while i do it. i can be very critical of DH because i am picky about the way i like things to be done. I have to check myself daily so that i dont nag him into the land of resentment.

Lately i also try to throw in one little compliment a day. It could be something silly like i like the way his hair looks today (which always makes us laugh because DH is balding yet somehow maintains a mohawk). Or i get all sappy and tell him how much DD loves her daddy because he is such a good dad (this usually results in him spending time with her and me getting a break. score!)

what do you do for your H to show your appreciation? Do you think you've neglected him since baby was born? (i know i have)

*Bre* · July 2009

Meh, when he says "honey i'll do the dishes before I go to work" I say, "you don't have to honey, I can take care of it, you relax"

I say "thanks" when he helps me put away laundry and stuff, but he gets mad if I coddle him.

ABMcKinney · July 2009

I am truly, truly greatful that my DH works so hard to let me only work part time. I make sure to tell him this almost every single day. I know he really appreciates it when I know he is having a bad day and I send him a text message that says something like "Sorry you're having such a crappy day but Robbie and I really thank you for working so hard so we can spend extra time together. Hope your day gets better and we can't wait for you to get home!" It makes him feel like he is really busting his butt for a purpose.

*blondiem* · July 2009

The occasional BJ seems to work

No, really. I also do the compliment thing. He doesn't seem to have confidence in his choosing of his suit and tie in the a.m. and I like to tell him the combo looks nice (it most always does!). We are both losing weight (or attempting to) right now, and often I compliment his body too.

I don't think I have neglected him, as we make it a point to get out of the house for dates and what not, but I do think we need to focus more on each other in the evenings. We tend to go our separate ways after C is in bed.

Sunny1inTucson · July 2009

I know I need to do more of this just to be a better partner.

Every once in a while I compliment him in the morning if he looks nice for work. I need to do more about complimenting his good parenting skills. Thanks for the reminder.

He's taken my hints and compliments me on my mothering skills - since she still sometimes wakes at night and I deal with it while he sleeps.

Wink

Lucky_Dragonfly · July 2009

there are things. i love when he tells me to go to bed i'll wash the bottles tongiht but i know that there is 98%chance tha they are not goign to get done. someof the things is when I come up behind him and give him a quicj back rub. he works on computers all day so I know that he needs that TLC or he likes ot have his hand and amrs scratched. I make sure that he always has a snack to keep in the car since he drives around to different service calls and i will put it by his keys so he doesn't forget. if he is not feeling well i will make him some toast and tea and run him a hot shower.

megontoast · July 2009

I really think I am one of the fortunate ones. My DH makes it easy and natural for me to give him compliments. He does so much for me and Sammie. He's the SAHP for now and he's a natural at it. I'm constantly telling him how awesome he is with her and how lucky I am to have him in my life. I've never really had to stroke his ego to get something I want, because he's usually one step ahead of me.

I will say, it wasn't always like this. Things definitely changed when Sammie was born.

Judah'sMommy · July 2009

I like to send him emails at work telling how much we love him and appreciate all he does for us. Sometimes I'll send a picture that I've just taken of J with the email. I think it helps him get through the day at work knowing that his family is here waiting for him and that we love him.

When he comes in I give him a big hug and *try* to look like something he wants to come home to (I don't always win this one! lol). After bedtime we have a glass of wine/beer together (or last night we played Scrabble. I beat the pants off of him!).

punkfiction · July 2009

well since all the people i agreed with are on this thread (mb, blondie, abm, etc....). im sure you can muster up a good answer for me LOL

dh helps a lot, but i make sure i say "hey, thanks for doing those dishes for me - it was hectic today" and he always says "all you have to do is ask". so i dont have a hard time with that - but we also do 99% of the things together (when we're here at home). so "hey lets go get aidan!" or "hey lets give them baths" - so its not a stretch when i go to dinner with a friend and come home and the girls are bathed and put into pjs. and id make sure i gave him a big smooch and say thanks for being on top of things.

nicoleRI · July 2009

I have been leaving him a card somewhere where he will find it when I am not around that thanks him for something he has done in the past week...I know he loves those cards and is starting to look for them (I have only been doing this for about 2 months and usually leave him one card per week)

*blondiem* · July 2009

punkfiction:
well since all the people i agreed with are on this thread (mb, blondie, abm, etc....). im sure you can muster up a good answer for me LOL
dh helps a lot, but i make sure i say "hey, thanks for doing those dishes for me - it was hectic today" and he always says "all you have to do is ask". so i dont have a hard time with that - but we also do 99% of the things together (when we're here at home). so "hey lets go get aidan!" or "hey lets give them baths" - so its not a stretch when i go to dinner with a friend and come home and the girls are bathed and put into pjs. and id make sure i gave him a big smooch and say thanks for being on top of things.

I think our DH's would be good buddies. Yes

lanie26 · July 2009

punkfiction:

well since all the people i agreed with are on this thread (mb, blondie, abm, etc....). im sure you can muster up a good answer for me LOL

dh helps a lot, but i make sure i say "hey, thanks for doing those dishes for me - it was hectic today" and he always says "all you have to do is ask". so i dont have a hard time with that - but we also do 99% of the things together (when we're here at home). so "hey lets go get aidan!" or "hey lets give them baths" - so its not a stretch when i go to dinner with a friend and come home and the girls are bathed and put into pjs. and id make sure i gave him a big smooch and say thanks for being on top of things.

This sounds like our relationship. We just appreciate each other and say it often. I don't feel the need to stroke him. He's not a puppy. We just like being together and like making each other feel loved and respected. ::Shrugs::

mabst196 · July 2009

I try to complement him as much as possible. He does all the dinner cooking so I tell him how great everything tastes and how grateful I am that he enjoys a chore that I hate. I even completemented him on how nice the lawn looked the other day after he cut it. He gave me a funny look for that one, but I try to get one in where ever I can.

Valentine99 · July 2009

DH helps a lot. He is a SAHD and does everything around the house. We always let each other know how much we appreciate each other. I am blessed to have a wonderful DH. I don't know how the gals who don't have one do it.

ABMcKinney · July 2009

punkfiction:

well since all the people i agreed with are on this thread (mb, blondie, abm, etc....). im sure you can muster up a good answer for me LOL

dh helps a lot, but i make sure i say "hey, thanks for doing those dishes for me - it was hectic today" and he always says "all you have to do is ask". so i dont have a hard time with that - but we also do 99% of the things together (when we're here at home). so "hey lets go get aidan!" or "hey lets give them baths" - so its not a stretch when i go to dinner with a friend and come home and the girls are bathed and put into pjs. and id make sure i gave him a big smooch and say thanks for being on top of things.

We do most stuff together too. Honestly we love doing bath time together! It's a great time to unwind at the end of the day and concentrate on Robbie before he goes to bed. We have fun with it and I think it makes us stronger as a family.

Another thing I do... he's on a pool team with his father and a bunch of his uncles. I encourage him to do it and he's thankful to get the time out of the house to do something he loves. It makes it so much easier when I need a girls night! He's never once complained about me making plans to do something with friends and leaving him at home because he gets a regular weekly night out.

punkfiction · July 2009

and you know with the bath stuff - its nice now bc he has the confidence to do it all himself (he used to be so scared about babies in tubs) to where i just come in and help undress and plop them in and then towel them up at the end. he has come to cherish that time with just him and the girls - a time where he used to be so nervous.