DS is torturing me (for torturing him)

somethingchangd · July 2009

Oh lord. DS has devised new and more horrible ways of torturing me and making me feel like a terrible mother. This one was really impressive in terms of guilt induced.

He cries a lot (reflux, colic, whatever - the kid is a crier) and naps very very little. I haven't taken a shower since Saturday (although I have taken 2 baths with him so I'm not completely disgusting) and obviously really needed to today. But just like any other day, he starts crying when I put him down. So I got him to fall asleep on me and then transferred him to his bed so I could jump in the shower, but before I got in he started crying. People have told me to just put him down and shower, crying won't kill him and I agree. So I apologized to him and showered anyway while he screamed. He wound up crying for almost 15 minutes before I went back to him and had calmed himself to some degree. I felt terrible when I saw how sweaty he was, scooped him up and started comforting him. And that's when I noticed his soft spot...

His soft spot had totally caved in - it was really really sunken and I could see his pulse in it very dramatically. I didn't know what could've possibly happened (I actually envisioned one of my cats having jumped in the crib and pushed on his little head with their little kitty paws). I tried to tell myself it was my imagination, but there was no denying the dent in his head. So now I think I've let him cry so much that it literally caused head (and likely brain) damage. I was about to call the pedi when I decided to google first. Apparently a sunken soft spot is common when a baby gets really upset and in the 15 minutes since I noticed it it's gone almost back to normal. But damn, way to make me feel like the absolute worst mother in history. Nothing like thinking your own selfish need to shower caused permanent physical and developmental damage. Now I don't know if I'll be able to put him down like that again, but seriously - I need to bathe once in awhile!

This kid is going to send me to a very early (and dirty, with the lack of showers) grave.

alison43 · July 2009

((((hugs))))

you know, I've noticed that sometimes A's soft spot is more pronounced...but I never put it all together. You are a GOOD mom, stop beating yourself up!

dundasgirl · July 2009

Oh that must have been so scary! Have you tried putting DC in a bouncy chair and bringing that into the bathroom? I did that a couple of times when Reed was really upset and at least I could see him while I was in the shower.

Oh, and I shower every two days now. I totally gave up on showering everyday. The time it takes to shower is time that I need for doing other things!!!

somethingchangd · July 2009

dundasgirl:

Oh that must have been so scary! Have you tried putting DC in a bouncy chair and bringing that into the bathroom? I did that a couple of times when Reed was really upset and at least I could see him while I was in the shower.

I have tried that but he HATES his bouncy. And honestly seeing me isn't a comfort to him at this point. I have to be holding him to make any difference.

Spockles · July 2009

If he was really sweaty he could have started to get dehydrated too. The soft spot can also be sunken when a baby gets dehydrated.

Maybe you can shower in the evenings while DH is home?...that way at least you can shower daily and feel a little better. I told my DH from the start that I will be getting a shower everyday. It helps me feel refreshed and able to get through the day. (I know, that probably sounds crazy!)

somethingchangd · July 2009

Spockles:

If he was really sweaty he could have started to get dehydrated too. The soft spot can also be sunken when a baby gets dehydrated.

I considered that, but it was back to normal before he took in any fluids, so...

ejgballerina · July 2009

Oh you poor thing! Hang in there!

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