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CIO... did it work for you?
I'm just not sure I'm ready for it, so I'd like to hear some other experiences with it if it worked for you. ?
Basically, my son is almost 6 mo old and still wakes up twice a night wanting me to nurse him, and pretty much at the same time, so I'm thinking it's just a habit now, and not because he's really hungry. ?I really want to break this habit, I'm just not sure if I'm ready to listen to him cry for an hour. =( ? So, please someone tell me it's not as bad as I'm thinking it will be, and that we'll all be much happier in the end. ? Thanks!
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Re: CIO... did it work for you?
Yes, it worked like a charm. Took about 2 nights. Every once in a while when he is just getting over teething or a sickness we have to redo it, but that is not very often. He sleep 11-12 hour straight and has every since he was 4 months old (we did it early bc I wanted him sleep trained for daycare).
Yes, he will be much happier in the end, IMO. Instead of waking up crying twice a night everynight, he will cry for a few nights until he gets the hang of STTN....so in the end, less crying over all. (Disclaimer: that doesn't mean I think kids who don't STTN aren't happy children overall.)
My opinion is the earlier you do it the better after they are able to self-soothe that is....so 6 months would be perfect. Don't want to long though bc like the old adage says "old habits die hard."
Every parent and baby are different. I've heard of plenty of cases where it did and plenty where it didn't. CIO was not right for our family and it was a struggle for us to say the least, but he's a baby with lots of needs and I felt my job as a parent didn't end for the day just because it was time for me to go to bed. Dr. Sears calls it nighttime parenting. If all he needed was to be held or comforted in some way, we felt the need to do it. If he seemed hungry, I wanted to feed him. It hasn't been easy with a traveling spouse, but I felt that strongly about it. I actually tried a very modified CIO one night when I had reached the end of my rope. I wanted to go to him but I was worn out so I let him scream for about 5-10 minutes. The next day he wouldn't even look me in the eye and he was very distant. At that moment I knew I never wanted that to happen again. The next day he was back to himself but there was a huge impact on our bond, even if temporarily and it shook me to my core.
If he's waking at the same time it could also be hunger for example itf it's every four hours or so. Is he on solids yet? DS also woke to eat and I felt he was truly hungry until about 7 or 8 months. I would nurse him at least once a night for that period as babies even up to 18 months can often be truly hungry in the wee hours. If nothing else, they may be thirsty! And how would we know what they were feeling? I believe babies wake and cry for a reason and I dind't want to ignore it ultimately training him to ignore his own body's cue's. I think he night weaned himself by about 7 or 8 months. For us there was a BIG connection between starting solids and sleep. Once he started getting a good amount of solids, he slept longer and ultimately, after having DH go to him when he woke (at least when he was in town), he stopped expecting to nurse and clearly did not need to. He still woke due to developmental pushes and all the neuro stuff going on that we can't see, but went back to sleep without it. Try having DH go to him at night if he is associating you with feeding. DS didn't STTN until 10 months but I don't think he was ready to until then. He also started napping better which led to better nightime sleep.
Like I said, this is just us and every family has to do what's best for them. For us, this was it. And now he's STTN!
Good luck to you. It has been the hardest thing I've ever done.
it did work for us, but as pp's stated, everyone is different.
we didn't do CIO until after she was a year old, and i don't think i would have done it before 12 mos, but that was just my personal preference. we also didn't do it to break nighttime waking habits like you, we did it to break the habit of it taking 45-90 mins to put her to bed.
the 3rd night really was the turning point for her... i had always heard it is, but my baby is very strong willed, so i thought it was going to be 5-7 nights. she has had regressions, and even now (for the last few weeks) she doesn't like me to walk immediately out, but i made the decision to sit in her room for about a minute vs. letting her CIO this time around, bc for us, one minute (sometimes less) was so much better than before.
good luck in your decision, and just do what you feel is right for your family!
I agree with others who said you may want to wait until solids are introduced before trying it. I think six months is a good age to try CIO if that's the direction you want to go. We did it at six months and it worked well for us.
Some things to think about - does your son normally put himself to sleep when you put him down for the night? Is he sleeping in his own room at this point? How much does he weigh? A smaller and lighter child may eventually stop waking up on his own once more weight is gained.
I used CIO as a way to teach my older daughter how to put herself to sleep. I felt strongly as a parent that this was a skill I wanted my children to learn early on. I also feel like it's connected to a certain degree of emotional independence that's necessary to development. I know not everyone shares this opinion. This is definitely a parenting style that's not for everyone but it's worked well for DH and me.
Thank you, this is exactly what I needed to hear, both sides of it.
He's not on solids yet, well, we did try rice cereal, but he doesn't eat very much of that at all. ?He just makes faces and spits it back out!
?Our pedi wanted us to wait until 6 months to start other foods, so we can try some new foods next week. ?I just can't tell if he really is hungry when he wakes up or is just used to me nursing him.?
ETA: ?He is sleeping in his own room in the crib, but he does usually fall asleep when I'm nursing him right before bed, which is why I think he just associates me nursing him with falling asleep. ?On days that I work, I usually get home just before 8, so when I walk in, I give him a quick bath, nurse him, and he usually falls alsleep there. ?I need to feed him before bed and I'd rather nurse him than pump when I get home, but he seems to do the same even on my days home with him. ?I just don't know how to keep him awake after I feed him for him to fall asleep on his own.
Just wanted to add some things I did when my second daughter was about that age in order to reduce night waking incidences.
I took the night light out of her room. This was super effective.
I also waited a few minutes before going to her, just to see if she'd put herself back to sleep. Many times I'd hear her waking up on the monitor, but if I gave her a few minutes she'd fall asleep again.
typing while nursing so this may be non-cohernet. lol
but i read recently that more than 4 sucks to a swallow means the baby is no longer really nursing. i have paid attention with mathis is think this is true. if he is sucking 3-4 times and swallowing and i break the latch, he roots for more. if he is sucking (more like suckling actually) and not swallowing until the 5th suck or so, i break the latch and he usually just lays there. the thing i read (can't remember what it was, honestly) said that they will root and you should nurse when they do but to keep trying breaking latch at the 5 sucks mark and eventually they will no longer fall asleep while nursing. i will say that when my older son decided to no longer fall asleep while nursing, it was something of a disappointment since thta was always a fool proof way to get him to sleep.
i never really did CIO. i don't agree with a lot of the reasoning behind it. but even at the end of my rope, my older son would never go for it. twice he was left in his room to cry and once he puked everywhere from 2 hours of screaming, the other time he flung himself out of the crib out of sheer anger. i know another family who let their son CIO for 3 weeks and it never worked. on the other hand one of my BFFs did it at exactly 6 mos with both her sons and in 3 days it worked like a charm. so, it has a lot to do with the kiddos, i think.
if you don't feel that you are ready, don't do it until you feel you are. if you are not ready, you will probably give in and it will have been painful for both of you for nothing. most BFing resources will say that a BF baby can easily still be hungry at night up to a year. at a year, we night weaned my oloder son and it helped a lot. i would say try solids for a couple of months and if that dpesnt help, night wean at the 9 mos mark. then maybe try CIO after that?
this. I could just hear in her cries if it was a "I'm waking up and going to be pissed" or "I'm just turning over and resettling myself." So give him a few minutes and see what he does...he may surprise you and put himself back down.
We did CIO for a night waking and it was the hardest and worst thing I've ever done and still wish we hadn't done it, even though it technically worked. When she moved from our room to her room at six months, she was used to waking up between 10:00 and 11:00 when we would go to bed. So once we put her down in her crib, she would still wake up then. She didn't want to eat, just wanted us to rock her or settle her back down. My husband is the one who insisted on doing CIO then and I've never been so mad at him as I was those nights we were trying to chang that wake up. She still tends to stir when we go to bed, but she does put herself back down the majority of the time.
She started STTN naturally after introducing solids (not cereal, but real food) at around seven months, we never had to do CIO for a 2 a.m. waking or anything like that.
And as far as your nighttime routine, we let Marion fall asleep on the bottle until she started getting teeth. Then we just kept doing our normal night time routine, but as soon as she'd start getting extended blinks, we'd remove the bottle and keep rocking. Now, she still gets one last top off before bed, but she'll actually turn her head and push the bottle away before she closes her eyes, so she kind of self weaned off of needing to actually suck to go to sleep. If you're concerned about that with your son, trying gentle removing him off the breast when his eyes get heavy, but continue rocking and snuggling him and see how a gentle process goes.
j+k+m+e | running with needles
This sounds good. I recommend working towards putting him in his bed very drowsy but still awake, so he has the opportunity to put himself to sleep.
Can you feed him right before the bath? (this is what we do) Then, after bath, it's straight to bed. He will be full (so, sleepy), and you can still rock him to sleep if you want - just use a pacifier if he is wanting to suck to sleep, but he is technically not eating to sleep.
If DS is really overtired, or cranky, I do end up nursing him to sleep, but I can tell after a few gulps, he is not nursing anymore, and just pacifying. After noticing the transition, I try to de-latch and immediately replace with a pacifier, so he is still getting the soothing from sucking, but not on me! Usually it works, and I can lay him down in bed, and he is out like trout. ;-)
I also agree with a completely dark room. We do not have a night light, and I have to take a minute and adjust my eyes when I am in there before I go to his crib (or I will trip on something! lol). Also, I love our noise machine. It drowns out any noise we are making and also gives DS a constant noise that he can associate with sleep.
I BF, and DS is still young, so I still go up and feed him. He seems like he is truly hungry (rooting and when he is eating - he is vigorous), so I don't mind. I do not talk to him at night, though, nor turn on any lights. I just go in, try to put the paci back in - if he is not having that, then pick him up - nurse and straight back to bed.
Sometimes he sleeps for 10 hours and sometimes he wakes up in the middle (5, eat, then 5 more). I am lucky to only have to wake up maybe once right now, so I don't mind too much.
Also agree with PP - sometimes I hear that he wakes up, but give him a minute to see if he will go back to sleep. Sometimes he does (especially if he still has his eyes closed).
j+k+m+e | running with needles
Around 6-7months, I stopped rocking her to sleep. I did hold her to sing a few songs, and then I would put her in her crib while she was still awake. Then I would stand there and continue my songs and either pat her thigh with my hand or just put my hand somewhere on her leg to calm her and she would normally fall asleep in like 10 mins. She also got her first two teeth at the age of 6 months and so that's why we stopped letting her sleep with the bottle.
Worked great for us. It was also the hardest thing I've had to do yet. I totally messed it up the first week because I couldn't bare hearing him cry. However, we were having to hold him until nearly midnight every night, then hope that when we put him down he wouldn't wake up (he usually did), then he'd wake up several times a night just to wake up. He didn't want to eat, he just wanted to play or be held. I was also holding him for naps several times a day every day. We started CIO at 4 months.
STTN came first, we were amazed that it actually worked. It took about a week for us and I sat there every night glued to the video monitor in tears myself. The naps didn't work as well and that took a long time. But slowly, he started crying less and less and now, he pretty much just goes to sleep. Of course we have the occasional night or day that is rough and I do rock him to sleep sometimes, but I can still put him down and he'll stay asleep or go back to sleep if he wakes up.
I'll say it's very hard to do, but for us it worked. Doesn't work for everyone and no way is right or wrong for everyone. I will say however that if you do decide to try it, give it some time to work. It won't be the first day or maybe not even the first week.
I think this is a good idea. We tried CIO out of desperation a couple of times and never could get past the 15 minute mark... every parent and child is different, though, and for some - it works well. If you haven't heard of it, the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley has some great tips of slowly, gently improving sleep - like the no night light, etc. I used her book for Toddlers and found it very helpful.
We are considering it, but we'd be doing full-on Ferber, not just CIO. Most people think of Ferber and CIO as interchangeable, but they are not. The Ferber book prescribes a timeline for going in to comfort the baby, and the first few nights are a ridiculously short amount of time - like, every 4 minutes I think. So, if your kid cries for 10 hours, you have to go in there to comfort him every 4 minutes for 10 hours. That's the main thing holding us back from starting Ferber - the only way I'd be able to do it physically is if I took a week off work (my DH is a SAHD), so that both of us are at home that week and can take turns napping at night and during the day.
I don't agree with CIO, but I do think Ferber will work for most kids; its just that I'm WAY too worn-out to even think about committing to Ferber right now. If you really do Ferber the way the book prescribes, it's a LOT of work.
it worked great for us -- I never bought the Ferber book, but used descriptions I'd read of it.
6-yr-old Elena and 4-yr-old Julia.
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Every time I got myself all prepared to do CIO (using Ferber's book), my son surprised us and made progress on his own. Around six months, he magically gained the ability to be put down drowsy, as opposed to shushing or bouncing to sleep for naps. That was life-changing for all of us!
I always nursed him to sleep at night. It worked from the beginning, and I didn't want to rock the boat just yet. Then one day, he just did not go to sleep while nursing. He was slightly fussy, so I laid him down in his crib awake, and he seemed delighted that I was finally letting him go to sleep. I still nurse him before bed, but he is almost always still awake when I lay him down.
The night wakings to nurse also stopped as he ate more solids. It wasn't instant, and we still have some nights where he randomly wakes, but there was definitely a correlation. I did have my husband start going in there to comfort him, and that seemed to work really well. Also, I would always pick him up when he cried in the middle of the night. My husband started to just gently rock his tummy back and forth while he laid there, and 9 times out of 10, that does the trick.
Good luck with whatever you decide. I was fully prepared to try Ferber (I think I checked the book out at the library three separate times!), but our problems resolved over time. I'm sure you will make the right decision.
KelleyA gave us the solution that worked for us! Maybe she'll post the exact specifics, but here's basically what we did:
I would put Char down drowsy after nursing, but awake. You do your routine (hug, kiss, tell them you love them, etc), and then walk out. You start out with letting them cry for 5 minutes, then you go back in (we would set a timer) and comfort them ~ but DO NOT pick them up. That's the key. Also, I think Kelley's husband did most of this since Amelia was still nursing as well; with Charlotte, DH and I would take turns each night being the one who went in.
So, after the five minutes/going in to comfort, you extend to 10 minutes, then 15 minutes....and you continue doing 15 minute increments for an hour and a half total. At the end of that hour and a half, if your little one is still crying, you go in and get them and just do whatever to get them to go to sleep, and start over again the next night.
When we did this with Charlotte, I think only one night did she cry the entire 1.5 hours and we just started over the next night. For her, it worked great. She learned very quickly (although she's stubborn, so it took her a while to really DO IT more often than not), and it made a WORLD of difference for us. Since she was about 7 months old (we started this when she was 5.5 months old so she'd be ready for MDO), she's slept 12 hours a night and naps 2-3 hours (all at once) per day. I am so thankful to KelleyA for letting us in on this; it worked great for Charlotte and she didn't hate me or anything like that! It actually made us all happier.
GL with whatever you do!