Am I crazy? Other's Driving DD

littlefellers · July 2009

my younger sister watches DD 2 days/month (One day, every other week). many times she has talked about taking DD out for non-necessary trips. I've told her that i don't feel comfortable w/ people driving her other than parents and grandparents and she always rolls her eyes, etc. one time she told me, "i thought you'd be over that by now."

this morning she looked at me and said, "sometime i want to take DD to the zoo." she said this in a "i'm telling you not asking you" way. it pissed me off but i just ignored her and went to work.

one reason i don't want her to take her is that she got into a major car accident a few years ago and WILL NOT take any blame that maybe she shouldn't have been talking on her phone going 50 miles/hour on a sheet of ice. i know it's kind of weird but this fact always plays in my mind. nothing is ever her fault.

secondly, i don't like the way she disregards my obvious wishes. I'm from the school of, "my baby, my rules." If she doesn't want to play by those rules she doesn't have to watch the baby. I don't want to have it come down to that but it's just how i feel.

am i crazy? does anyone else have concers about other people driving their kids? i appreciate your opinions.

MrsGladney · July 2009

No way, you're not crazy. I would not let her drive if that was my LO. Hell, I haven't let anyone other than my DH drive her with out me in the car. It scares the crap out of me.

Mandy06 · July 2009

I can see your point. Now if she didn't have a major accident, and if her attitude towards you were a better, then I would consider it. But just those 2 factors alone, sounds like she has some growing up to do, so I'd probably say no also.

tobewed0907 · July 2009

You're the mom, so you have every right to feel one way or the other when it comes to the care of your DD. Why not go on an excursion with your sister and DD when she's driving and actually see how she does and base your decision off that. If you're just not comfortable with it, just tell her you're not changing your mind and she should respect you for that. If she doesn't, find someone else to watch your DD for those 2 days out of the month.

SpecialWife · July 2009

littlefellers:

my younger sister watches DD 2 days/month (One day, every other week). many times she has talked about taking DD out for non-necessary trips. I've told her that i don't feel comfortable w/ people driving her other than parents and grandparents and she always rolls her eyes, etc. one time she told me, "i thought you'd be over that by now."

this morning she looked at me and said, "sometime i want to take DD to the zoo." she said this in a "i'm telling you not asking you" way. it pissed me off but i just ignored her and went to work.

one reason i don't want her to take her is that she got into a major car accident a few years ago and WILL NOT take any blame that maybe she shouldn't have been talking on her phone going 50 miles/hour on a sheet of ice. i know it's kind of weird but this fact always plays in my mind. nothing is ever her fault.

secondly, i don't like the way she disregards my obvious wishes. I'm from the school of, "my baby, my rules." If she doesn't want to play by those rules she doesn't have to watch the baby. I don't want to have it come down to that but it's just how i feel.

am i crazy? does anyone else have concers about other people driving their kids? i appreciate your opinions.

She obviously doesn't listen to your rules so I would say stop having her watch her. I've had to relax about people driving with DD (I'm not the best driver in the world anyway. I don't speed but I'm a little nervous on the highway.). I let my fam, including sis drive her. I would let a few of our friends and her other aunt and uncle. I don't let her Memaw because she has terrible eyesight and shouldn't be on the road at all. I have another close friend who I know has road rage and I won't be letting her go with that friend either.

kipper1128 · July 2009

Why would you leave your DD with her if you don't trust her?????

MrsL.inMarch · July 2009

Don't leave the carseat with her. Then she has no choice.

melissab07 · July 2009

Nope, not crazy at all! I am the same way - I have a sister that I will not let drive DS and a lot of the reason is her driving. Plus she also does whatever she wants and doesn't listen that he is my baby and I have rules. I think her attitude would make me feel even more strongly about it if I were you.

Sunndraggon · July 2009

How old was she at the time of the accident versus how old is she now? Has she been in any accidents since? Do you have any other reason not to trust her to safely care for your child (if so, why do you let her watch her?)

Honestly, I would trust my sister to drive with DD, and I would hate to think that DD was missing out on fun things like the zoo because of me. Maybe they can start with short trips, like the park, etc. to build up your comfort. As an aunt, I would hate to be stuck in the house everytime I have my nephew. I love being able to take him out and do fun stuff. And, whenever I had him in the car, before having DD, i drove a million times more carefully. I am sure your sister would do the same. As for her attitude towards you, how would you feel if someone clearly did not trust you?

Gina418 · July 2009

kipper1128:
Why would you leave your DD with her if you don't trust her?????

I have to agree with this. You let your sister watch her/feed her/etc. - why not drive with her? Honestly, the accident she had was two years ago - why are you holding it against her? If you trust her to watch your dd, don't you trust her to drive safer with dd in the car? Accidents can happen to anyone at anytime - regardless of who's driving.

If you feel so strongly about the driving thing - I don't understand how you feel comfortable with other aspects of your sister watching her.

kipper1128 · July 2009

MrsL.inMarch:
Don't leave the carseat with her. Then she has no choice.

This would prevent the "fun" trips - but what if something happened and they needed to get somewhere? No carseat is an even WORSE idea than a driver on a cell phone.

Impatientgal · July 2009

Well if you're crazy, then so am I. I don't let anyone other than my sitterfriend drive with DD in the car. I could never get over it if someone got into a car accident with my child.

Your sister will have to suck it.

RoxBride · July 2009

If someone is kind enough to watch my child, which is doing me a favor, I would not put restrictions on them, preventing them from going to the zoo.

I feel that if I want 100 percent control over what my child does, I need to hire a nanny.

the_jackpot · July 2009

If you don't feel comfortable w/ her driving dd then you should not let her watch her. My bil felt the same way about me yrs ago when my niece was a baby (and I hadn't been in an accident) I let my sis know that I wouldn't watch her if I couldn't ever leave my house w/ her. Not that I would be making unnecessary trips but you never know what could come up. She wised up and realized that she needed my services and I wouldn't put my niece in harms way. GL

*blondiem* · July 2009

I honestly don't understand people that have issues with other people driving their children. Accidents happen. You, me, your sister....any one of us could get into one at any time. It seems like a weird control issue or something that I really don't understand. Not flaming, just saying.

She is your sister. You are holding an old accident over her head. If you don't trust her in the car, how do you trust her to watch your DD at all? That makes no sense to me.

And I also think it's odd that you are putting restrictions on her when she is watching your DD. She is your sister!! Of all people, she should be allowed to drive your DD.

So, to answer your question, yes I think it is just a little bit crazy to restrict her like this. If you don't want her driving your DD, than it's time to find someone else to watch her.

Judah'sMommy · July 2009

I understand how you might feel apprehensive about letting someone else drive with her, but I think that is really a you-letting-go-of-control issue rather than a safety issue. I always want my DS exposed to different things so that he doesn't get bored. I would be happy if the person watching him wanted to take him out places and do fun things instead of sitting in the house. Accidents can happen to anyone, it doesn't matter who is driving. Eventually there will come a time when other people are driving your child (carpools, school buses). I really think you just have to trust that the person is going to be responsibile. If you don't believe that, then I don't know why you have your sister watching your DD in the first place.

Judah'sMommy · July 2009

*blondiem*:
Accidents happen. You, me, your sister....any one of us could get into one at any time. It seems like a weird control issue or something that I really don't understand.
She is your sister. You are holding an old accident over her head. If you don't trust her in the car, how do you trust her to watch your DD at all? That makes no sense to me.

JINX! lol

Mrs.Provost · July 2009

If you don't trust her to do her best to keep your baby safe, then why are you letting her watch your DD at all?

I think it IS crazy to not want someone else to drive your kid. If someone is watching my kid(s), they are free to do whatever the want as long as my kids are being treated well and they follow safety laws (carseats etc).

Honestly I'd hate to babysit anyone's kids if I wasn't "allowed" to drive anywhere.

As for the accident - sure she could have prevented it by not being on her phone and driving fast. But maybe not. If there was ice on the roads as you say, she very well might have gotten into an accident anyway.

I think you need to ease up a bit, personally.

kgb1411 · July 2009

You are being crazy. But on a scale of 0-100, where 0 is completely rational, 50 is pretending to have already baked a cake and sent it, when you didn't actually do that, and 100 is believing that everyone in your life has been taken over by pod people, you are probably about a 20 with this. Not nuts, but a little irrational. I think every mom has this about something. It's up to you whether to decide to be rational or to indulge in this.

lanie26 · July 2009

Why are you letting her watch your daughter if you don't trust her?

I'd never put limits on my sitter like that. She takes Jo everywhere. Having someone have to be locked in their house all day just sounds cruel to me and hardly healthy.

I'm shocked at the number of people who agree with you.

*blondiem* · July 2009

kgb1411:
You are being crazy. But on a scale of 0-100, where 0 is completely rational, 50 is pretending to have already baked a cake and sent it, when you didn't actually do that, and 100 is believing that everyone in your life has been taken over by pod people, you are probably about a 20 with this. Not nuts, but a little irrational. I think every mom has this about something. It's up to you whether to decide to be rational or to indulge in this.

This just made me really truly, laugh out loud.

janinekrause · July 2009

Personally, I don't really understand. I feel like a lot of PP. I am not controlling when someone else is caring for my child. I give suggestions but as long as they are caring for her in a good way, I give them leeway.

As for driving, my MIL and parents are the only ones who usually drive with her because of the car seat bases, etc. But I would absolutely trust other people. People are way more careful when they have a child in the car and it seems weird that you won't give your sister any credit.

You trust her with everything else with your LO- why not this?

Geekchick921 · July 2009

*blondiem*:
kgb1411:

You are being crazy. But on a scale of 0-100, where 0 is completely rational, 50 is pretending to have already baked a cake and sent it, when you didn't actually do that, and 100 is believing that everyone in your life has been taken over by pod people, you are probably about a 20 with this. Not nuts, but a little irrational. I think every mom has this about something. It's up to you whether to decide to be rational or to indulge in this.

This just made me really truly, laugh out loud.

Same!

CES&HAA · July 2009

you are not crazy and you are not alone...

i may be a little extreme, but i have told my inlaws (who watch DS two days a week) that the carseat we gave them is ONLY for emergencies. they are a little older and not the best drivers.

we also have a family wedding coming up that both DH and I are in and the only way to have the baby there is to have someone drive him. i was on the verge of a panic attack about it last week. i am contemplating just leaving him home.

i know it is something i need to get over, but the loss of control makes me feel sick to my stomach.

i am not nearly as crazy as this post sounds...=)

Justinlove · July 2009

I have to agree with many of the pps who think it is a bit odd that you trust your sister to care for your child but not enough to drive her. It is hard to give up control, but I think that maybe you should in this case. Your sister probably realizes that your DD can get bored being stuck at home all day and would like to do some of the things that you would do with DD if you were there. Going to the zoo, park, aquarium, etc. would be so much fun for your DD and sister to do together. What wonderful Aunt/Niece memories they could make together!

RaphSandra2005 · July 2009

Not crazy at all. Under the circumstances you describe, I would not let my sister drive DC.

Impatientgal · July 2009

kgb1411:
I think every mom has this about something.

BTW, I think this is also noteworthy.

littlefellers · July 2009

Thanks for all the opinions! It's good to see it from different perspectives. Also, it helped me "cool my jets" a bit.

The days that my sister watches DD is the only day that she's ever "confined" to the house/neighborhood so i'm not concerned about a lack of activities for her. But it's still good to see the situation from a different angle.

I think i'm going to stick to my guns on this one and i really appreciate everyone's imput. I'm glad i'm not the only one who feels this way but now i can see where my sister would be suprised b/c other people would be totally confortable with it.

Thanks!

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