NBR: I don't know what to do.

Jen1231 · July 2009

My dad is having a very hard time with the aspect of being a grandparent. He's 51, and ever since turning 50 it seems like he's hit a wall. He is not the same person that he used to be. I don't really like this new him.

I am guessing that this is some kind of mid-life crisis. His whole attitude toward life has changed. He feels that he should be able to be out there, in the world doing whatever he pleases and with whomever he pleases with. He talks to my mom with such attitude that it literally disgusts me.

DH and my dad work together, so he see's him 24/7. My dad is constantly telling DH that it's a mistake to have children and he wishes he could go back and change many aspects of his life. What does that mean? He wishes that he didn't have 4 children and a wife that loves him?

I am hoping that once the baby arrives it will change my dad's thinking. I know that I really shouldn't get too involved, but I feel like I should be there for my mom. What would you do? Has anyone else been is this situation?

skinnursemandee · July 2009

I'm sorry. It what a jerk!! It does sound like some sort of mlc. I would wager that once he holds his grandchild, his tune will change. If it doesn't then I'm sorry but sometimes it's better to not be around that negativity. As far as mom goes, I would speak up if I were around when he talks to her like dirt. No woman deserves that. Good luck

MadameFancyPants · July 2009

I've noticed the same thing with my mother. In the past year or so, her personality flaws have gone into overdrive and she has started doing things totally out of her character. In fact, I've been really disappointed that she can only be negative towards the whole idea that in October she will have her first grandchild.

I feel bad for my dad, but at the same time I know it's not my business. I wouldn't want my parents meddling in my marriage so I choose not to play sides or even bring the issues up.

I wish I had some advice, but sadly, I don't. It is nice to know that I'm not the only one having issues with parents and wacky midlife crisises.

Jen1231 · July 2009

I know! I just don't understand it. It was like one day someone turned on the light bulb and it was an instant drastic change in his personality. Like I said I am really hoping it will all calm down once the baby is here. Good luck to you as well!

NTB24 · July 2009

This actually happened to my Dad last year, only we all thought it was job related, turns out it was a full-blown midlife crisis. Unfortunately, it's something a lot of men (and women) go through. There is actually a lot of information out there about the mid-life crisis--some even from the perspective of men who went though them. You might try consulting some resources to see if it gives any advice on how to deal with a parent suffering from one. Some of the info is a little scary, but it might give you a little perspective on how to deal with him and how your husband might deal with him at work. From what I've read, the best thing to give them is space. Unfortunately, no one can flip that switch back but them!

Jen1231 · July 2009

NTB24:
This actually happened to my Dad last year, only we all thought it was job related, turns out it was a full-blown midlife crisis. Unfortunately, it's something a lot of men (and women) go through. There is actually a lot of information out there about the mid-life crisis--some even from the perspective of men who went though them. You might try consulting some resources to see if it gives any advice on how to deal with a parent suffering from one. Some of the info is a little scary, but it might give you a little perspective on how to deal with him and how your husband might deal with him at work. From what I've read, the best thing to give them is space. Unfortunately, no one can flip that switch back but them!

Thanks a lot for the advice! I will be looking into what you said. I have been trying to give him his space, and I told my mom that was well. Just give him time to come around, and hope that he does in the end.

cbjpl31 · July 2009

My mom went thru something similar around the time she hit 45. She got gastric bypass, divorced my step dad (who raised me from the age of around 3 b/c my dad wasn't a very good dad) b/c she just decided that she wanted a new and better life. She spent alot of time drinking and partying, acting like a 21 year old and not a 45 year old! She's very selfish and self-centered. We've never had a great relationship but these last 8 years it has crumbled to nothing. I can't stand the woman and only tolerate her for the sake of my dd b/c she loves her so much. She's now married to a man that she is miserable with and 8 years later regrets what she did. Too little, too late. I hope your dad snaps out of this before he does something disasterous! Maybe some counceling would help him. Getting him to go to it tho is gonna be the real challenge.

JessikaLyn · July 2009

My dad has been going through a mid-life crisis for well over a decade now so I'm just used to it at this point. He parades around all the college bars looking like a d-bag in Ed Hardy and Affliction tees every weekend and started dating a woman that is almost twenty years younger than he is. He hasn't exactly aged gracefully either so it's especially disturbing when he goes out in public dressing like a frat boy. When I told him I was pregnant he told me he was "too young" at the age of 55 to be a grandfather and even had the nerve to ask that our LO call him Mike.?

It sucks when you can't even share your joy of being pregnant with your own father because they are too busy being self-involved and throwing themselves pity parties about getting older. ?My dad has said similar things to me about wishing he hadn't settled down and even went as far as to say he wishes my mom had never "tricked" him into having kids. At the end of the day though, I can't let it bother me because I know that with or without his support I'm starting my family and my child is going to be loved unconditionally. Once he comes to terms with aging he'll do another 180 but until then tell him to stop being such a negative Nancy and let him work out his issues on his own time, not yours or your DH's. I'm sorry he's upsetting you!

Jen1231 · July 2009

Thanks everyone! You've really been a lot of help!

Jcrab · July 2009

Sorry your Dad is having such a hard time adjusting, very frustrating. ?My Dad will be 62 in a few months and he says he's too young to be a Grandpa - what BS! ?He even declined going to my gender determination ultrasound today with the rest of the family, but at least he called me shortly after to find out the results. ?Good luck with your Dad, I hope he warms up to the idea and starts treating his family better.

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