WWYD: baby names - little frustrated and confused

amjmp · July 2009

DH was talking to BIL (they were alone, and this was shortly after we announced the pregnancy) when BIL asked DH if we had picked out any names yet. DH said we had a few in mind but keeping them a secret for right now. BIL said something along the lines of "Well any name is fine as long as it isn't Isabella". Now what at the chances that the our top name pick for a girl is Bella?!? DH didn't say anything, he was a speechless.

We aren't sure how to handle this situation. Part of me is a little frustrated. Because for one, my sister isn't even pregnant (she was drinking wine, so it's safe to assume no....). And second, they don't own a name! I had several other relatives "claim names" since we made the big announcement who aren't pregnant, and some not even married! Isabella or Bella has no family influence or anything like that, I guess we both just like it.....great minds think alike, I guess

So how do you think we should handle this? I plan on naming my kid whatever I want, but I still don't know how to tell my sister. I just wish BIL hadn't said anything....grrrrrr!

rjbear21 · July 2009

do just what you said, name your child whatever you want. because it's YOUR child and YOUR choice. not theirs. If they don't like a name you picked, tell them that's fine, they can name their kids whatever they want to.

we kept it a secret until she was born what DD's name was. some poeple hated that we did that but it was fun for us. just let it roll off your back and don't worry about it! name your baby whatever you both decide on!

MrsMcJamie · July 2009

This is tough - I have a group of friends who are VERY teritorial about "their names" and we had an... "incident" where one was taken. Which in all honesty I found kind of shady, but people did get over it. After that, my names are top secret and the group hasn't really discussed. It's lame, but people do get attached to their names...

The point that it's a girl's name and your BIL/SIL might not have a daughter is valid, IMO. You were thinking of it all along, and also it's slightly different from Isabella. Also, I think I recall this name being on the top 10 list the past year - so it IS a popular name.

I honestly don't know what I'd do in your situation. I'd feel really conflicted too.

NatPhoto09 · July 2009

We sort of picked out names b/f we were pregnant and told our friends and family about it to tell them they couldn't use them. Lame but we did. I would probably discuss it w/ your sis to let her know that it is on the top of your list if you have a girl. Also my mom and aunt named each of their sons Juan F., Juan E. Juan F. goes by his middle name. GL

AKH307 · July 2009

my little brother and our cousin both are named andrew. they are a few months apart in age and live withine 100 yards of each other. It has never been a problem. My brother goes by Drew when the two are together and the other does by andy or andrew. i wouldn't worry about it! FWIW, the boys are now 19 years old and we still don't have problems with it after all these years

raceyrae · July 2009

I would just tell her it's one of your top names, that you're still looking (if that's the case), and you may not even have a girl but you may end up using Bella.

We're going through a similar thing right now. My good friend who doesn't live in the same state as me (but we've been friends for 13 years) named her daughter who will 2 next month my top girl name (of course, Natalie is my top name now -- we never discussed names etc. so when she had a girl and told us the name, I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't get to use the name; however, we're now considering using it anyways. It's still one of DH's and my favorite names, it goes great with Natalie, the middle name we have picked out, and our last name, and my friend doesn't even live near me. She has said before once I told her it had been one of my top names that she wouldn't be bothered by me using it but I'm still hestitant and plan to talk with her more about it if it's still our favorite choice after looking into others.

starz080 · July 2009

Are you finding out the gender? If so, I'd just wait and see if you really are having a girl. I don't like it when people claim names. If you have a daughter before them then you have first dibs on names. That's just the way it is and the way it should be. That's pretty crazy that your BIL would think you wouldn't name your child what you want to. What if he never had a daugther? That'd be a waste of a good name!

withoutshoes · July 2009

Name your baby the name you and your DH decide on. I wouldn't let anyone else influence your decision. If you happen to have a girl and still like the name Bella, then your sister will have to get over it.

My sister's name is "Mary Beth" (not really but just an example). My cousin recently had a little girl and loved my sister's name so much that she named her little girl after my sister. (same first and middle)

I think it should be looked at as a compliment that you want to use the same or similiar names. IMO: If you end up naming your daughter Bella and your sister chooses not to follow suit (b/c there's already a Bella in the family), then she didn't really like the name in the first place.

I'm also guessing your sister will refuse to have a "Jr." in the family if she has a son?

I'm sorry you have this pressure on you! Choosing names should be fun not stressful!

BlairWaldorf · July 2009

fwiw, I loathe the idea that names can be "stolen." It's so childish. & dude, your sister isn't even pregnant yet so she really has no claim to any name.

I would name her Bella if that's your top choice. & then they can decide if they want to name their daughter "Isabella" or pick a different name.

marryingacoach · July 2009

I assume they like the name b/c it is popular now not b/c it is a family name or someone significant in their life has that name? I ask b/c my family knew my boy name long before I was pregnant and had my sisters had a boy b/f me and named their little boy the same name,, I would have been pissed off. Would I have done anything about it? No, but I would have been HOT! And I would have said something to them. But my son's name is fairly unique and a family name.
I have a friend who's SIL stole her exact girl name (first and middle). She had mentioned it at a family function before either were pregnant in a general conversation. It was a rather unique name not something you hear every day. Needless to say, the friend's feelings were hurt but again, what can she do about it?
If I were in your shoes, I'd probably not worry too much about it until I found out I was having a girl. If you do end up having a girl, I'd have a conversation with sister about it.

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