How often did you/do you visit your baby in the NICU?

Million$$Baby · July 2009

DH and I live 45 minutes from the hospital where our babies are. We've been going twice a day every day and are there for about 1-2 hours at a time depending on what is going on. There is a ton of stuff we need to get done at home but I can't bring myself to NOT go that often. Does it get easier to stay away longer as the baby gets older? I just want to be there all the time and feel terrible when I'm not.... I do call when I get overly concerned and I call in the middle of the night every night. I just feel like I need to SEE them...

jlc071903 · July 2009

I went every day, but 1 (and I had the flu and wasn't allowed to visit that day)...I would usually go around lunch time (eat ont eh way in) and then DH would meet me there in the evening after work. We'd leave around 7 (shift change) a nd then come home, eat dinner and fall into bed. I NEEDED to go every day! It also helped that I was pumping b/c I had to drop off food! I always had extreme guilt if I wasn't there what I consisdered to be long enough...as if the nurses were judging me...then again there were tons of babies int eh NICU with parents taht couldn't or didn't visit...so who knows..I just felt I had to be there w/ them b/c they would miss me too!

Honestly, I'd go for a couple hours 1time a day if I were you...that's a lot of driving...and then call...I called a lot (esp. at night)!

jehprb · July 2009

For his first two weeks I was still a patient myself so I was in there with him a lot - a.k.a. as much as my doctors would let me. My husband was in there almost 24 hours/day - he'd visit me but never stayed long unless he was sleeping. For the two weeks after that we drove back and forth every day (about 20 minutes) and stayed for a big chunk of time - mornings were busy in our NICU so once we figured that out we'd get there sometime between 1-3pm and stay until 11pm or midnight (sometimes later)...then we'd go home and get a good night's sleep, run a few errands, grab lunch and start all over again. I don't work outside of the home and my husband was on paternity leave so it was "easy" for us to be there that often.

TriciaJoy · July 2009

we also lived 45 minutes from our NICU. I'd go about noon or so and usually didn't come home until after midnight. I only missed 1 day.. I was sick.

NotJustAnAuntie · July 2009

I missed three days of his 91; 2 of them I had horrible maigraines and couldn't make the drive (we lived 40 miles away as well) and one I was in the hospital myself, and was transferred 50 miles away for a procedure.

I went back to work 2 weeks after he was born; it kept my mind occupied, and the hospital is right around the corner from my office, so I was there for at least 3 feedings a day, since my boss let me leave whenever I needed to.

I actually found it *harder* not to go see him as he got older; early on, I felt so crappy I was dealing with other things, and I didn't think he knew me from Adam, so it was easier for me to skip a day. Once I felt like we "knew" each other more, and he had more of a personality, I missed him more and worried that he missed me too, and I didn't want him to think we'd abandoned him!

jennigator3 · July 2009

Honestly, it's a lot harder not to see them when they are older. I found it much easier to miss an hour here or there when he was just born. It's pretty much going to be survival mode for a few months. I know that its hard right now driving back and forth every day, but there will come a day when you won't have to.

Try to plan a day when you can stay home and get stuff done and see if other family members can be there for the babies. I stayed home for one day and I had my parents spend time with Nate so I could get the nursery ready and just rest up a bit. Is there anyone who can do that for you?

kamcfarlane · July 2009

i would go in the AM as soon as i got up and pumped (be there at 8:15 for the 9am feeding and cares) and i'd hang out there till about 11 or so. then i'd come home and get things done until DH got off work and we'd go back from 5:15 - 8 or so for the 6pm feeding. it was easier for us to go back and forth though because we only lived about 15 minutes away. i did miss one day because i got the stomach flu (the day i was released from the hospital - ick!).

we asked how often we should be there and everyone had the same answer - as much as you are comfortable. we were easily there more than anyone else in DS's "room" (there were 6 to a room), but not there anywhere near as much as some of the PPs. you do what you can. Smile

PS i follow the blog - the babies look like they're doing really well!!

mek10976 · July 2009

DS was in the NICU for only 27 days, 5 of which I was in the hospital too. I went for his 8am feeding, then stayed at the hospital through his 11am. Went home to take care of the dog (our first baby) and household crap, then DH and I would go back for his 8pm feeding. I found it very stressful to balance being at the NICU for my baby and taking care of the rest of my life. I know there was a baby next to ours that was born around 26 weeks, so he was in for the long haul. His parents had gone back to work, so they only came once a day in the evenings. Maybe more often on the weekends.

Go as often as you feel you need to and see if you can recruite friends or family to help with the household junk.

SBMBride406 · July 2009

I was not physically or mentally capable of spending hours a day at the NICU. I was in the hospital for the first 2 weeks myself, so I went when I was allowed (no fever) and when transport or my DH could wheel me up there. The second 2 weeks, I went once or twice a day for about an hour, but no more than that. I would fall asleep if I stayed longer (I was still very very ill and on percocet).

I've said it before on here, but I'll say it again for your benefit, I really though that Marino and I would not bond the way other moms and babies do or that he would be "broken" emotionally in some way b/c he didn't have a very present mommy his first month. Not so. We are best friends and he is the happiest, friendliest baby in the world.

Do what you are capable of doing but you have a lot to prepare for!!

Rachel&Joe · July 2009

Wow--reading some of these responses makes me feel like a bad mom...

Stella is in the NICU at the hospital which is at the end of our street (less than a block away). We typically visit her at least twice per day. I go in the morning for her 9am feeding & stay for 1-2 hours. Then my husband and I go back for her 6pm feeding & stay for another 1-2 hours. While I love being there and spending time with her, she needs her rest. We hold her both times each day that we visit her, but she is exhausted by the end of the hour when we put her back in her isolette (starts to desat more towards the end, etc).

I find that sometimes a quick phone call does wonders for my worry level. Just to hear that she is doing well really helps me make it through my day. I run a very busy wedding floral design business out of the home (since I wasn't planning on having her until mid-August, I have lots of weddings booked since it's the height of the wedding season right now). Plus, I have about 2 million things to do at home to get ready for her homecoming (nursery, other house projects, etc.). It's VERY hard to balance the amount of time it takes to run a household with visiting her, working, etc. I would love to have the time to sit with her all day but I know she is being well taken care of and I have a lifetime of taking care of her to look forward to.

Hang in there--your babies are doing great!

njkaren · July 2009

I went to visit Brandon in the NICU twice a day. I usually stayed for 3-4 hours each visit. I went by myself around lunch and then I would go home and go back with my husband after dinner.

2BWEDN2007 · July 2009

Our NICU was over 50 miles each way and on the worst highway you can take in/out of Boston. They were also paving (lovely) every night on the way home.

DS was in the NICU for 116 days and we went 6 days a week. We went every day for the first couple of weeks, but I personally was spending 6-8 hours a day in the NICU just staring at him since I was only allowed to kangaroo with him 30 min at first and then an hour. I basically sat there staring in his isolette and reading magazines between cares. DH would come after work and we would leave around 8 and not get home until 10.

We decided for sanity's sake to take one day off a week and just call to check up on him and it worked really well for us. We hadn't even started his nursery when he was born and literally had nothing. I used that day off every week to finish up his nursery and stock up on supplies like diapers, etc.

Looking back now I wouldn't change a thing. It actually kept me sane and helped me prepare for his homecoming. He never knew I was missing that one day a week. In fact, he never knew I WAS there 6 days a week for 6-8 hours each day. He was always sleeping and busy growing.

*KatieH* · July 2009

We would go once a day...usually at night for his cares and we preferred the night nurses they were usually our age, would talk to us, take pics for us and explain things to us but not talk to us like we were idiots. ?The hospital for was anywhere from 30-60 mins, depending on traffic away, since it was in D.C. We would generally stay 2-3 hours on weekdays, on weekends a bit longer and sometimes when I needed it we would go twice a day (more so in the beginning). ?

The nurses really encouraged us to take a day off from the NICU since it is so incredibly draining. They also, which made me sad, said how a lot of the other babies parents didn't come but maybe once a week. ?

Advice: take in treats for the nurses. Every nurse and doctor knew us, our baby and ?treated him really well. ?They all were super nice to us because of the treats. ?

ijack · July 2009

I went twice a day. Once in the morning from about 10-3 for cares and to just sit with her and then I went back with DH at night for a couple hours. BUT we were in transitional housing and I didn't have anything to do around the house and I really couldn't be away. I tried to spend some time away a couple times and it was horrible. I had some major issues with guilt and just couldn't do it.

Also it gets a little easier when you're allowed to hold them more often, but a lot of your time is spent just watching her. If possible can you get them on opposite care schedules so that you're able to do both rounds. I didn't have an easy time being away until she was almost home because then it actually hit me that I would get to hold her all I wanted soon
GL!

lemen99 · July 2009

We live 5 minutes from the NICU (so lucky to be so close).

For the first 6 weeks (I was off work on disability), I used to go over to seem him once during the day between pumping sessions for a couple of hours.

Once I went back to work (part time), I stopped to visit on my way home from work from 2-4 PM, which coincided with one of his feedings when he was older.

Then, every evening after dinner, DH and I went together to visit him from 8PM-10PM.

We did this every day for 117 days, and took an evening off about once a week to stay sane.

sweetpea18 · July 2009

I went to see dd 3x/day, but I live 7 miles from the hospital. I would spend about an hour with her each time I went. I would call first thing in the morning and right before I went to bed.

na24 · July 2009

We live 15 minutes from the hospital, and we would go three times a day for breastfeeding/skin-to-skin time. ?Neither of us had gone back to work yet, though. ?

sarahkatherine8 · July 2009

I lived about 20min away from the hospital. At first I was a patient for the first 5 days he was there, so I would visit as often as my BP and nurses allowed. After that I would get there every day around 10 or 11, take a break for lunch and walk around (sometimes leave for an hour or two) but always got back for his next set of cares. Then I would stay until about 9.

DS was only in the NICU for 2 weeks though, but I will tell you that the better/older he got the harder it was leaving. You keep seeing how good they are doing and how much closer they are to home and don't want to leave without them! I also really possessive about other people seeing him (mainly MIL) without me so I stuck around as long as possible so that wouldn't happen. I would also call each night before going to sleep and then again in the morning when I woke up.

JenniferHolly · July 2009

My advice is take time now because when they get older and want to be held and fed, you will be so overwhelmed with 3, that you will probably feel like you need to be there all the time. I have twin boys and it was MUCH harder to be away from them once they were bigger and could be held 24/7. At this point, there is really nothing you can do for them and what they need more than anything is sleep and to be left alone to grow.

Ace1599 · July 2009

I usually go twice a day, once right after work for about an hour and a half, and then again after shift change for about an hour and a half. Because of work, that is all I can do during the week. DH usually comes up for 1 1/2 hours every other day, due to his work schedule and needing his sleep (manual labor, outside, and wakes up at 4am) Sometimes I will skip one or the other if I need to run errands or clean up around the house.

On the weekends I usually go up once a day, for 3-4 hours, sometimes longer depending on feeding/care schedule.

kblindgren · July 2009

We were also 45 min. away from our babies at first, and I went every day, twice a day. I would go in the late morning/early afternoon, come home and go back with DH in the evenings. We eventually got them transferred to a Level 2 nursery closer to home (15 min. away), then I started going for every feeding. IMO forget the stuff at home - that will all be there when you are done with the hospital - have someone come help clean or whatever - your babies are the most important and they do need you even now.

mrs.amandamm · July 2009

We were only 20-25 minutes from the hospital, and DH worked there at the time. I used to go in with him at work at 8am and then I would stay until 11ish (I usually left for a breather in the middle, and to grab breakfast if I needed.) Then I would go home, take a nap, take care of things at home, and come back somewhere between 1 and 5 depending on what was going on that day, I really tried to work a little bit, so I could have more maternity leave when she was home. Then DH got off work at 8, so I stayed until he got out, and we could both spend some time with her together.

She was only there for 2 weeks, and it was tough, so I commend all those who had to do it more...I can't imagine.

jennifer griveas · July 2009

I was very fortunate to live 10 minutes from our NICU, which made the commute simple. at first i only went once a day for about 2 hours - I was still so exhausted after all the complications, etc. But soon I was there for about 2 hours in the afternoon and about 5 each night, and even would visit in the middle of the night sometimes. Not everyone can be on the same schedule -- my husband visited once a day, and sometimes would skip a day. He hated every moment of the NICU, and just wanted him home, whereas I started to feel like the NICU was my home. Do whatever feels right for you, there is no required amount of time to prove you love your baby. We were so worried in the beginning that people would think we were bad parents for not being there enough. I worried so much about not having a bond with him, especially since I never got to breastfeed (I had major supply issues, and by the time he was ready for the breast, I wasn't getting anything, even after pumping every 2-3 hrs for two months). But, both my husband and I are bonded with him just fine now!

meldoo2002 · July 2009

I went everyday and spent about 5 hours there during the day. Then I went home, DH and I ate dinner together I napped and then we went back up for an hour or two in the evening. So DH could be with them. That being said I couldn't go back to work for 6 weeks, per my MD so I had nothing better to do. DH had built alot of the "stuff" while I was still in the hospital because my shower was the week before I delivered. We were about 30 min. from the NICU. Our boys were relatively stable and after a week and 1/2 they moved to the critical care nursery where I was able to do most of their care so I really enjoyed being there. I can so see how sometimes the medical issues, lack of being able to touch/hold, etc. can be so stressful that being there less is better. It's just how our situation was.

New Wife · July 2009

I live 45 minutes (30 miles away) and we go once a day for a couple of hours. I stay longer and longer the older he gets because he can do more now than he could before and I cant wait until the day that I can hold him and feed him then I will never leave! My little guy was 25w4d miracle

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