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Infertility
stina811
member
The most irritating thing ppl say who know you are TTC
stina811
member
in Infertility
For me, its "don't worry - it'll happen. its just not your time". I know its coming from people that I love and I know love me back (i.e BFF, mom, MIL, etc), but I just HATE hearing that!! Feel free to contribute.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The most irritating thing ppl say who know you are TTC
"If it's meant to be it will happen"
SERIOUSLY?! So it may not be "meant to be" that I should be a mom??
"Instead why don't you... (move to another city, go to graduate school, take the money you saved up for IF treatments and take a vacation, etc)".
These things will only temporarily fill the void, and how dare you suggest that a VACATION is a good consolation prize for not having a baby? Get real.
"You just need to relax, get drunk, and have a lot of sex." This from a couple of people but most frequently from my mother.
To my mom, I want to say, "Yes, because this obviously worked really well for you since it took you five years to get pregnant. It explains why you never went to the doctor to find out why you weren't pregnant yet. You must have been drunk."
You are young, just relax you have plenty of time and it will happen.
The young and relax both bother me so much!
This.
Also - my mom says, "I know so many women who tried for years, adopted and then got pregnant on their own. It will happen." UGHHHH! Finally I said, "Mom - you cannot get pregnant if you don't ovulate. I do not ovulate. Until I do, I cannot get pregnant. Stop saying this." It seriously drives me nuts. I know she is just saying it to make me feel better and to calm me down, but seriously, it just makes me angy. I think I get so upset because it makes me feel like she (and others) just think I'm overreacting and that I really don't have issues.
My MIL said this to me yesterday. It was actually the 2nd time this week that someone said it to me. How frustrating.
Them: "I know someone who has had infertility problems, just like you guys, and they have X amount of kids now."
Me: "So what issues did they have? What doctor have they seen?"
Them: "Oh I don't know. I just know they were trying for a long time like you guys and it just happend for them on their own. You just need to relax and it will happen for you guys too."
WTF? Why does everyone love to put DH and my personal issues in comparison to other couples? This really irritates me.
My 2 coworkers that know (they repeat these comments several times a week) - "Just get drunk and have sex, it works for teenagers all the time", "You just need to relax, that's why you can't get pregnant", "You should just adopt, then you'll get pregnant"
My MIL - "You should really take a break. Most people get pregnant after they stop all of the medications" and "You might just want to consider adoption, I can get some information for you" - this was after one IUI and she basically thought I should give up, I haven't talked to her about it since.
IVF #1 - BFP (6dt)
Unassisted Pregnancy #2 - lost at 15w6d due to T21, severe heart defects, and fetal hydrops
"You'll never get pregnant if you don't work through the grief". That was the winning comment for me. Then immediately after that: "There's other ways to go about having a child".
I had a friend say, "If I wanted a child and couldn't have one, I'd just go out and get one. There are so many foster children without homes".
I'd love to see her in my position and just up and do that. Like it's that easy.
My friend recently said, "We'll sell you a kid."
From my trashy SIL (brother's wife) who was KU at 17.....if you just stop stressing about it, and pray, it will happen. But it's up to you to really put your heart into those two things. Followed by her telling me that she would carry if child for me if I can't have any kids. Thanks, but you smoked while you were pregnant because you're an arsehole, and your ute is the last place any living thing should have to live.
From my SIL (DH's sister) who "knows what I'm going through". (ahem...2 months of clomid, followed by getting KU on a break doesn't come close, but I digress) - Are you doing IVF now because you're impatient? Seriously, she said that. Yes, that's exactly right. I just walked into an RE's office and said "Hi, I'd like an IVF now, thanks!"
Grrr...
For me, it is the "Well, you are young. Why don't you enjoy your husband and travel and just have fun."
After hearing that MULTIPLE times I have just started responding with "yes, I am young but for whatever reason my ovaries think I am in my 40s." It drives me crazy b/c these people know we are working with a specialist and I have told them about my premature ovarian failure and low ovarian reserve yet they don't get it.
And serisously, can I not "enjoy my husband" once I have a baby?!?!
The worst thing for me is "you can have my husband for a night" that is not funny.
Also, when they explain that they were not even trying and must of gotten pregnant the only time they had sex that month - blah, blah, blah.
"You're luckier that way-- then you can focus on your career!"
Jackie: I can't believe someone volunteered their husband.
TTC #1 since 2007. Dx: Unexplained infertility. 4 IUIs in 2008 = BFN. IVF #1 07/09. DD #1 born April 2010 (40w5d).
TTC #2 since 2011. Dx: Endometriosis and hypothyroidism. 2 FETs in 2012, BFP 6/12 but m/c @ 7 weeks. IVF #2 06/13. DD #2 born March 2014 (40w1d).
My friend/coworker:
1) "Just believe that it's going to happen."
2) "Just have a lot of sex and enjoy yourself."
3) "I've heard that a lot of men don't want to have sex with their wives after seeing them give birth. When you do have a baby, make sure that he stays up by your head and doesn't watch."
Gah.
WTH?!?!?!?! WTF is wrong with people!
This. And it always comes from people who are pregnant! Ummm...actually, a significant portion of people suffering from IF NEVER get PG. It makes me feel like no one IRL understand what I am going through, and that they are just blowing me off.
I know, right? She thought she was giving me very important advice, and she was really serious about it. I just smiled and nodded.
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
My old coworker always use to say, "you just need to hump more" (klassy)
I did the happy dance when they fired her
From a friend who had an "oops pregnancy" and her parents have been raising her child for the last 8 years:
"Maybe the Universe is trying to tell you something!"
ok, that is just evil.
1 - Just relax and it will happen for you.
2 - They haven't found anything wrong with you so maybe you just need to keep trying.
Unexplained Infertility
After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!
TTC #2
After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!
"we'll be praying for you."
I know that should sound so nice, but when the same person repeats that over and over to you again EVERY time they see you which is several times a month it makes you want to kick that person in the head
wow. it's posts like these that make me feel better. i have heard ALL of these things at one point or another...oh and p.s. when i saw sex and the city in theaters and charlotte announced she was pg after adopting and relaxing and just notthingking about it i BAWLED hysterically to the point my sister and cousin wanted to remove me from the theater-i HATE the adopt and you'll get pregnant suggestion...then when she cried that she finally had everything she wanted she was so scared to lose it...oh honey, aren't we all?
cousin's BFF who is pg with her SECOND oops said to me - let's take your pretty eggs and erik's pretty sperm and put them in danielle (my cousin) and make HER fat! (the difference between me and other women is i then explain what it entails and they stare back shocked and dumbfounded at me...and i smile and go, yeah? not so easy sounding now is it? assssshat.)
sister's male friend said to me when we first started trying - you know if erik's not getting the job done, i could take a crack at it. (then he makes the eyes at me!)
(eeew god! WHAT!?)
one friend suggested (after her 4 months of trying for #2 then BFP) - have him do a shot of smirnoff, it HAS to be smirnoff, before and throw your feet behind your head and IT WILL HAPPEN!
i really really loathe the "when it's meant to happen it will." and if it's not?? then i should admit to the fact i was not meant for motherhood?! blank you very much.
That, along with the " when it's meant to be it will happen" anger me.
CP 7.19.08
Dx with PCOS 3.27.09
HSG 7.15.09 = All clear
8.09 & 9.09(re-try) IUI #1/2 - Clomid 100mg Follistim 150iu Ovidrel=cancelled due to cysts
10.09 IUI #1/2 - Clomid 100mg Follistim 150iu Ovidrel Crinone 8%=BFP!
22mm Follie / 60mil & 48mil post wash counts Beta #1 (14dpiui)= 102 Beta #2 (18dpiui)= 714 12.3.09 HB 135bpm
Our baby boy was born on 7.8.10 @ 38 weeks 2 days! 2:17pm 6lbs 8oz 20" long
HSG 2.2013 - IUI 1/2, 3/4 = BFN - Took 4 month forced break
Has anyone mentioned the always fun "Are you pregnant yet?" Or, every time you say you're hungry/tired/sick "Maybe you're pregnant."
"Want one of mine?" No! Keep your despicable spawn, I want my own. (grrr... I hear that one the most)
"I/My SO can come make a deposit." Um...eww?
"Just pray. The doctors can't help you anyway." .....What?!
"Enjoy it while you can. At least you can sleep/go out/take vacations/etc." Wow, what was I thinking? How could I possibly give up the option to go to McDonalds at 2am just so I can do something as unimportant as raising a child?
And my personal favorite, from a supposedly close friend: "X says that (DH) should go deeper and be better in bed." OMG!!
That one burned me BAD!