WWYD?

RedHeadedLeo85 · July 2009

Back when DF and I were still together and DD was about 6 months old, we had a family portrait taken. About a month ago, when SO and I had one done, I had opened up the frame to put it in and I found the old picture behind the other's that were in there...

WWYD? Would you keep it and put it away for your child to see later or throw it away? I have two other pictures of her father and I that are in a box for her. SO knows what they are cause they used to hang in her room. I don't mind those two, but the family picture just kinda hits a wrong button for me, cause we are not a family anymore, but...

~I started explaining to DD yesterday that a long time ago, her father and Mommy actually loved each other like Mommy and SO do, but then they started to argue alot and agreed that it wasn't best for you if we lived in the same house. I told her this cause I know that later on in life, I'm gonna get the question of "Did you and my father love each other when I was born?"

WWYD? Would you keep it or toss it?

DREWLILY · July 2009

eh, just toss it. You have other pictures for DD with her dad, that's good.

mom2one · July 2009

definitely keep it. there will come a time she will want to KNOW that she was born of love...and that picture will be something tangible she can hang on to.

mlm1128 · July 2009

I would keep it. If I were you're dd, it would be nice to see someday that you were all happy together once. We have pictures of dh, his ex and ss.

Pokes · July 2009

DH kept his wedding photos to show his son when he was older.
About a month ago, he trashed them. When SS was 4 it seemed like a good idea to keep them to show him that his mom and dad did love eachother at one time, but now at age 9 we felt that it would end up hurting him more than helping him.

Obviously, all situations are differnent. SS has emotional problems when it comes to his relationship with his mother, therefore, making it painful. Take a look at how DD feels about her relationship with her father before deciding to toss or keep.

RedHeadedLeo85 · July 2009

That's the thing tho, currently, they don't have a relationship. She know's he exists, but that's about it.

lizlopez23 · July 2009

I'd say keep it, in a box in the top of a closet somewhere, you never know how their relationship will change over the years, maybe for the better, or maybe for the worst, but if it were me, I'd keep it just in case she did want it when she became an adult.

DREWLILY · July 2009

I don't think you need a picture to show your DD that you and her dad were in love once. You can tell her with words. She has pictures of her dad, and hopefully some with her and her dad in the picture together. It's more important that she knows he loves her, than the fact you and him loved each other once. That's what I think anyways. Your DD learns what love is by seeing you with SO, so it's all good.

justslide · July 2009

Keep it. It doesn't have to be displayed, but keep it for her. It would show her that at one time her mom & dad did care for each other and her enough to take a photo together to mark that point in her life.

By the time she is old enough to treasure it, she will be able to understand the relationship. And you will have proof of the answer you think that she will ask in your post.

Children with blended families often have very few photos of their birth parents together (and smiling!).

Karma1969 · July 2009

I would save it.

Having pics of when a child's family or origion was together is so important. A few pics is great, but the more the better. When your LO is an adult with her own family she will want the pic to shw her own kids. It will mean a lot to her.

J+R · July 2009

I think that I'd pitch it... My DH and I had this discussion a few months ago. I found a pic of him and the one night stand - and he said "Oh I wanted SD to see that we have a family pic" and I pointed out (as politely as I could!) that they were NEVER a family. SD is his family, but a one night stand wh0re isnt (sorry... a little carried away!)

Karma1969 · July 2009

J+R:
I think that I'd pitch it... My DH and I had this discussion a few months ago. I found a pic of him and the one night stand - and he said "Oh I wanted SD to see that we have a family pic" and I pointed out (as politely as I could!) that they were NEVER a family. SD is his family, but a one night stand wh0re isnt (sorry... a little carried away!)

Even if it was a ONS, it will mean something to the child to see a pic of his parents together. This sounds more about you than about the child. Sorry.

jpowell3 · July 2009

I agree to save it. I started scrapbooking when my son was born & I'm not going to go back & change any of the family photos. I have a shoe box of pictures from when we were together, when my son was born & even a few of the notes he use to write to me in high school. He has only seen his dad once in the past 8 months and who knows what the contact will be like in the future. He may someday want to know the man that his dad once was....

RedHeadedLeo85 · July 2009

See, now those are my thoughts. She's gonna wanna see that she was made out of love and want to know where she came from and what not. I just don't like the picture and the trouble behind it. I'll find the box with the other 2 pictures and put it in there.

MissSusieQ · July 2009

I think you should keep it. I know DH's ex still has, to this day, a family picture up in her house of the three of them. It irritates me and I think sends the wrong message to SS, and I would prefer she put it away. But I think SS will cherish it when he gets older as he does with our family pictures. And then he will have pictures to show his children. Even though you eventually split, it is still a piece of that childs history. Let your child make that decission if they want to keep or toss it when they get older.

J+R · July 2009

It's not all about me instead of the child Karma... And sorry if it sounds like that. SD has made numerous references recently about being born from a ONS - and it's sad. She doesnt need to see a forced picture of them together.

PS - there are no baby pics of them with her. DH didnt know about her.

Karma1969 · July 2009

I thought you meant that there was a pic of them together already. To create one is different.

I do hope that at some point they can take a pic together for the sake of the LO, even if it's not until she's older. It will mean something to her.

krmlaw · July 2009

ditch it, DH doesnt have any pics from his 1st marriage, of which SS was conceived of. Not a one.

J+R · July 2009

Humm... I imagine at graduation we'd all get a pic together? I cannot see DH ever agreeing to just take a pic of the 3 of them... Nor could I ever see BM allowing it...

j+k · July 2009

If the relationship does not have any seriously horrible or bad memories and it is simply a failed relationship, put it away in box with other momentos that i would save for my child and let the child decide when they are older if they want to keep it or not.

hindsight's_a_biotch · July 2009

Keep it. It will be up to her to decide if she wants to keep it.

I don't have a single picture of my birth father, neither does my son. I wish I did and I imagine pete might one day wish he had that.

J&A2008 · July 2009

KEEP IT.

My mom and dad were only together until I was 2. Forget about whether she need to know "if there was love" and definitely STOP talking about how you and BF "used to love each other." This only leads to questions about why you and SO won't break up just like you and BF. We've been down this road with the boys.

Going back to why you should keep the photo, I only have one picture of my bio-mom and bio-dad together with me at my h.s. graduation. I wish I had more, simply from the fact that I like to look at our faces and see how I came from both of them.

Keep the picture until she is grown up. Then she can decide as an adult how she wants to treat the picture.

gibs · July 2009

you make a child with the man and can't bear to keep one photo of the 3 of you together? lame. keep it.

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