- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Multiples
Feeling Guilty
Something I feel a lot of lately is guilt. Breastfeeding is not going well. In the hospital, Samuel lost too much weight and we had to supplement him with formula. I am adamant about breastfeeding. It is obviously the best for your child and who wouldn't want the best for their children? Despite my determination, it still does not change that my milk supply is horrible. It is apparently due to my PCOS. I also struggled breastfeeding Audrey. I stuck with it for her but in effort to try to boost my supply I would pump for 10-15 minutes after each and every feeding. The little that I would get in those sessions I used to supplement her. One night she was very fussy at the breast so I had Granseur bottle feed her stored breast milk. That night she had 10 oz. and after pumping for 30 minutes while he did that, I only got 2 oz.! Breastfeeding Audrey only lasted about 4 months (my goal was a year) and then I pumped and made sure she had at least a bottle a day until she was 6 months old.
So right now with Samuel and Anderson I am exclusively pumping and bottle feeding them what I can of my breast milk and then supplementing them with formula. I hate it. I feel like I'm not giving them as much of an advantage as I gave Audrey and I know breastfeeding will end much sooner than it did with Audrey as well. I have tried tandem feeding but I will do it for an hour and then they both STILL want about 2 oz. of formula even after that! I have tried breastfeeding one while bottle feeding the other and that went horribly. So right now the thing that seems to work best is me pumping and then bottle feeding both at the same time. Finding time to pump is hard though, too. I pump for 20 minutes but when you include washing time of all the pieces and set up, etc.... the whole thing takes about 30 minutes. Well, I have three kids and one is ALWAYS screaming or needing me for something. It kills me when I'm pumping and Audrey comes up and wants me to read a book to her or one of the babies is crying in the middle of the night and I'm attached to the pump. So if I don't pump, my milk supply will dip even further, but if I do pump someone always seems to be neglected! I really feel torn about what to do and feel major guilt that I can't do everything!
In addition to my frustration with breastfeeding, I also feel badly about not spending as much time with Audrey. The babies take up a lot of my time and I don't have a free hand or anything while I'm feeding them or pumping. Then on the rare occasion that both babies are sleeping at the same time, Granseur will try to take Audrey for me so that I can try to get in a nap. Then I feel guilty for taking a nap because I'm missing out on more time with her! I'm going to try to take over bath time instead of Granseur doing it so I can at least have that time with her or have Granseur take over one evening feeding so I can walk Audrey around outside and play on the swing or something. The only thing that's difficult about that is she LOVES her daddy. I mean really loves him. Whenever we go somewhere and one of us has to run into a store to get something, I'm always the one who goes in because she cries and cries and cries when her daddy leaves, but if I leave, she doesn't really care. So I don't know how that's going to go. She will probably want to stay with daddy and not go out with me.
Anyway...all over I feel guilty. I feel like I'm not able to give enough to all of my children even though I'm trying my hardest....its not good enough. Every one deserves more from me(including Granseur) and I can't seem to deliver.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling Guilty
I'm so scared of missing out on time with DS when the babies get here. Right now he's used to having us 100% to himself and I know it's going to be such a change for him and he's not going to understand. Have you contacted anyone at LLL or looked into anything to help boost your supply. I BF'd DS so I'm huge on BFing, I think it's one of the greatest things you can do at the beginning, but even more important is being happy. If the BFing isn't making you happy because it's keeping you from your babies so much, there's really nothing wrong with formula. There's some great formula out there and your babies will love you no matter what you feed them.
I'm sorry that you're having a tough time, I'm sure I'll be on here typing something similar in a few months. GL and try not to feel guilty because you're doing the very best you can, and your best is good enough. Your kids are loved and cared for, that's what's most important.
I know your pain. I have a 2 year DD and now almost 7 month old boy twins.
I think the first 3 months or so I thought I was just going to die. I felt so guilty about everything.
I felt guilt that my DD didn't have her Mommy to herself anymore and that I didn't get to spend anytime with her.
I felt guilty that I didn't do the same things with my boys that I did with my DD. Like snuggle or hold them for look periods of time. By a month old I felt like I knew my daughter. Knew when she was tired, how to calm her down etc.. I still don't feel like I know my boys 100%.
Guilt just sucks, but it does get better I promise. For me it started when they started smilling at me or if someone was holding them the were looking for me or when I walked in a room they followed me and smiled at me. It also got better when the boys started sleeping better.
My house is a mess. I can't don't know the last time I cleaned it from top to bottom. I try to do the bare necessaity because it is more important for me to spend time with the kids.
If 1 boy wakes up from his nap early - I try to cuddle with him and play and love on him. When both boys are asleep I try to give attention to my daughter. We will either play outside, go swimming or sit on the couch and watch a movie.
I also try to take her for a walk after the boys are asleep at night when daddy is home.
My DD is the same way with her daddy. When he is home it is all about Daddy. I actually am starting to think she is playing us against each other, because when I tell her no - she either goes right away to daddy or calls for him. He comes running and usually gives in.
Also, my husband isn't to active in the boys life right now(was the same with with my dd until she got older) so when he is home it is just him & her - she gets the attention that she needs from him I guess.
(((Hugs)))
By the way I could have written this post a couple of months ago - in fact I think I did - it is just about getting through the day right now.
With regards to the BF - if it is stressing you out stop and just feed them formula. I firmly believe in BF'd also - but knew going into it that it just might not work as well with the twins depending on different needs. I accepted that if I went to formula then I went to formula. You are still feeding your babies and if it is 1 less thing to worry about then do it and stop beating yourself up for it. Your a good mom.