Judge Me! I wont flame you, I promise

MelandJeff · July 2009

I have received tons of support here regarding The Teen, and for that I thank you.

There HAS to be a few of you that disagree with my methods of dealing and I would like to hear your perspective. I mean, this IS the nest, people disagree on what color a 2 year olds fecal matter should be.

Ready, set, GO!

Starr_Mom · July 2009

I think you're handling it better than I could. I give you all the props in the world. I would probably be heading for the looney bin by now.

KrisBriMcBunny · July 2009

I say those who disagree with you have do not have a teenager so they need to shut_the_fuck_up!

Being a parent to a toddler/preschooler is alot different than being a parent of a teenager!

femmegem · July 2009

I'm not sure I know how you're handling her, but I give you tons of credit. I can barely handle my toddler.

MelandJeff · July 2009

Gah, I HAVE to be doing something wrong.

Thanks though, the support helps, truly it does.

niecy · July 2009

I think the only ones who can "judge" are those dealing with it or that have dealt with it. Since most of us are only raising toddlers it's hard to imagine. All we have to go on is how we were as teenagers, and I think we've all done our fair share of "stuff" which is why everyone is being so understanding.

oparcm · July 2009

Here is what I know about teenagers and how to handle them:

I know that I know nothing. Keep it on Mel, I'll give you advice when I get there myself.

Temp374386125003286 · July 2009

What is your game plan? Have you talked to her? What is she saying?

kevschickee2 · July 2009

MelandJeff:

Gah, I HAVE to be doing something wrong.

Thanks though, the support helps, truly it does.

no you don't have to be doing something wrong. She is a teen and will do what she wants(she thinks). If you were a bad mom you wouldn't post on here and wouldn't be worried about her. Screw those who want to flame you.

MelandJeff · July 2009

smccabe9:
What is your game plan? Have you talked to her? What is she saying?

Honestly, I don't have a game plan. I have no clue. I am keeping her at my parents for a while until I can collect my wits and decide how I can go about this with a positive end result.

And, no, I have not spoken to her. There really is more of a need to NOT speak to her right now. I feel volatile. I would hate to lose my cool and say a whole lot of things that would be regretted later, and I don't know that I would be able to keep my cool even as conscious as I am of it, kwim?

Brideofranken · July 2009

duh- go ask BOTB- they know EVERYTHING.

MelandJeff · July 2009

Brideofranken:
duh- go ask BOTB- they know EVERYTHING.

Well, DUH, I used to rule that board. I taught them all that they know.

God help them.

4Speedy · July 2009

I was all set to judge. Then I remembered, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Give me some details--surely I can come up with something.

KrisBriMcBunny · July 2009

even though have have teenagers I have no idea how to handle your situation. What works for 1 teen most likely wont work for another teen. they are also so damn unpredictable.

You are doing the right thing keeping her at your parents so you can cool off. I do that alot....thank god both sets of grandparents are very understanding.

r9stedt · July 2009

Was your mom aware of what your daughter did?

Temp374386125003286 · July 2009

MelandJeff:

smccabe9:
What is your game plan? Have you talked to her? What is she saying?

Honestly, I don't have a game plan. I have no clue. I am keeping her at my parents for a while until I can collect my wits and decide how I can go about this with a positive end result.

And, no, I have not spoken to her. There really is more of a need to NOT speak to her right now. I feel volatile. I would hate to lose my cool and say a whole lot of things that would be regretted later, and I don't know that I would be able to keep my cool even as conscious as I am of it, kwim?

Well, it sounds like you have a good game plan- to let yourself calm down and keep your distance until you can talk about it calmly. That sounds great. We're here for you even though I don't know what you're going through. I think it scares the sh!t out of all of us. This reminds me that every age is hard just in different ways!

LittleMamaB · July 2009

KrisBriMcBunny:
I say those who disagree with you have do not have a teenager so they need to shut_the_fuck_up!

Being a parent to a toddler/preschooler is alot different than being a parent of a teenager!

This exactly. We don't have a teen of our own, but our teenage nephew lives with us and it is a whole different can of worms raising a teen.

Brideofranken · July 2009

I sort of feel like the whole making her stay with your parents is a double shot: you get to collect yourself, and she has NO IDEA what you're thinking- that is terrifying for a kid.

She sounds like a handful...but....weren't we all? to varying degrees, I guess. I mostly did not get caught- so I guess I was just smarter than the average brat.

femmegem · July 2009

Brideofranken:

I sort of feel like the whole making her stay with your parents is a double shot: you get to collect yourself, and she has NO IDEA what you're thinking- that is terrifying for a kid.

Ditto this.

4Speedy · July 2009

4Speedy:

I was all set to judge. Then I remembered, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Give me some details--surely I can come up with something.

Nope. I went back and found the OP. I got nothin'.

Good luck.

eclaires · July 2009

I've always tried to make it a practice to not judge moms when I have no clue what I'd do at that age.

All I'll say is this - what worked for me was completely different than what worked for my brother. I was terrified of my parents and terrified of disappointing them. I got straight As and was very rarely in trouble unless I was being a smartass. My brother was wild, got caught sneaking out, lying, with drugs, drinking, etc. and had NO fear of my parents. But they really didn't parent him any differently - I think it's a personality thing with teenagers, and finding out what works for each individual kid has got to be difficult.

I guess, if it were me, I'd just take away everything she likes and let her earn it back piece by piece by earning my trust. Does she have a goal? Like college? Are you planning to pay for it? My parents always held college over my head as a reason to excel in school and stay out of trouble, and it worked. Could you keep her in line by threatening to take that away? What about driving/car stuff?

I'd literally take it ALL. Tv, cell phone, Ipod, internet, extracurricular activities...but I don't have a teenager, so I could be talking out of my ass.

Amanda&Chris · July 2009

Well, my oldest is 12 and a boy, so I really don't know what I'm talking about either. And I think you are doing a great job!!!!!

But I like to judge so here you go. This not based on the most recent incident, but in the past it seems as though you don't give her much freedom. I know I had zero freedom and zero trust from my parents as a teen, even before I rebelled and didn't deserve it. I felt like my parents said no to EVERYTHING so I lied about EVERYTHING even stuff that was no big deal. I still feel that if they had given me some freedom and trust I would have been a lot less rebellious.

Keep in mind I have no idea what I'm talking about and am only judging because you asked to be.

GrowingFamily · July 2009

KrisBriMcBunny:

I say those who disagree with you have do not have a teenager so they need to shut_the_fuck_up!

Being a parent to a toddler/preschooler is alot different than being a parent of a teenager!

This EXACTLY!!!! I love when parents on here, that do not have teens, try to tell us what to do or that what we are doing is wrong or not how they "would do it".....oh, just you wait people!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

FWIW, I would ground her butt for at LEAST the next month, probably two. Maybe until the end of summer vacation? She has certainly earned it!! Definitely take away all her fun stuff- cell, TV, etc. GL. I feel for ya!

ChristyNCole · July 2009

I think you are doing a great job and I have no clue what I will do when my boys become teenages. I just keep hoping they will be perfect little angels like me:) Haha...

But a girl I worked with went through the same kind of thing with her daughter. What she did was took away EVERYTHING she had. Literally - she took everything she had in her room except her bed. She took all her clothes/shoes/underware/bras everything except for 2 of everything - shirts, pants, shoes, socks, bras - all of that.She took her sheets and left her a blanket and a pillow. Then as she started earning her trust back she got things back... but I mean that's a big thing for a teenager to lose is all her clothes It may work.. but that's all the advice I got

Sorry you're having such a hard time.

buffalo_buckeye · July 2009

You are doing a wonderful job! I am so scared of the teenage years and it is one reason I'm not sure if I want another child...it might be a "she" and just like me! I was a brat and rebellious. I've done a lot of soul searching on why I was like that and I think part of it was just my personality. But, some of it was just lack of respect from my parents and so I never respected them back. I never deserved trust, but respect, yes. You only know the relationship with your daughter so I don't really have any advice. Just thought I would share why things were bad b/w me and my parents. Gl

gracendantho26 · July 2009

There is no way I am going to judge you. I truly fear the teen years. My niece is 15 and she was suuuuuch a good girl and then BAM sh turned into a teen and it is waaay different now. I think it is great that she is at the grandparents so that you can cool off a bit. I was a bit of an assy teen and when my mom lost it on me it did not help at all.

Good luck! ***I am pretty sure I'll need luck when Natalie's a teenager too***

CBKMRB · July 2009

KrisBriMcBunny:

I say those who disagree with you have do not have a teenager so they need to shut_the_fuck_up!

Being a parent to a toddler/preschooler is alot different than being a parent of a teenager!

I just saw this and I have to say Amen sista!

MelandJeff · July 2009

A&C-

Your right, I had not given her much freedom, but then again, she got the freedom that she deserved. She would get a little, then screw up and get it taken away from her again.

This time, she had a lot of freedom. I had let go of the reins quite a bit and trusted her to make good choices. I tried the other way around, just to see if the opposite would work.

It didnt work apparently. ::sigh::

Amanda&Chris · July 2009

Ugh. I'm sorry Mel! Shows what I know.

I definitely think having her stay at her grandparents is a good thing until you cool off and figure out a plan.

MommyofAlissa · July 2009

Dude, seriously, sending her to your mom's for awhile? Soooo not flameworthy. She's being a total PITA and needs to be told as much. Not that she would listen, we all know how 16 year old girls are. I think all "traditional" parenting methods get thrown out the window when a teen is involved.

You have the patience of a saint, girl!

stacynikki · July 2009

Having been a rebellious teen and doing things similar I turned out okay! Although I didn't have a serious BF in HS so mine was to hang out with friends and go to parties. My parents did the same thing as far as curbing my freedom. I was grounded most of my high school career. Everytime I earned a little bit of freedom back I'd go and do someting stupid. I think you are doing the right things. Just don't give up on her. Keep on her ass. She'll thank you for it one day. I know I did as far as my parents were concerned.

Haileysmom · July 2009

Mel, I think given her past behaviours and antics, you really have given her a lot of leadway, she has had ample opportunity to straighten out and be honest with you, and not pull all the crap she has, and continues too.

I think its time for teenage lockdown. she needs to know you are serious this time..that this is unacceptable. You thought she understood last time it happened and you grounded her for a couple weeks. she clearly doesn't give a crap... so make her give a crap...you are doing a great job, don't ever doubt that

we were all teenagers once... I think we all did a bit of lying at one point or another, hopefully this phase passes soon!!

Want a personalized experience?

Judge Me! I wont flame you, I promise

Re: Judge Me! I wont flame you, I promise

Choose Another Board

Search Boards