Working Moms

How do you feel when a SAHM refers to your child as a "daycare kid"?

Honestly, I find it insulting.  My child is IN daycare.  But she's no different than any child NOT in daycare.  She's not defined by being in daycare so I wouldn't put a title on her like that.

I just read something on here that really boiled my water where someone insinuated that children in daycare are unruly and basically animals.  I don't understand where that mindset comes from.  My child is extremely well behaved, as is all the children I have seen at the daycare that she goes to.  They are taught manners and respect there.  (It's a family run daycare) 

I think it infuriates me because if I'm not running around saying that SAHM's are raising unsocialized, uneducated, sheltered, clingy children (which I don't believe, it's an example of stereotypes. I was a SAHM for 6 months before I went back to work) then don't say that just because my child goes to daycare, that means they are unruly, cannot behave and is somehow inferior to your child that does not go to daycare.

Re: How do you feel when a SAHM refers to your child as a "daycare kid"?

  • people are dumb.  try not to let it get to you.  those type of comments usually stem from how they feel about their own situation.
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  • They are the same people who say 'I don't want my baby raised by strangers'. Sorry but daycare does not raise my child, they keep him safe and happy while I'm at work, following my parenting guidelines.

    I've seen well behaved kids and hellions from both working families and families that have a stay at home parent. It all comes down to the parenting.

  • This is part of the reason why DH and I refer to daycare as school.  As in, "DS really loves his teachers at school."  Because that helps others remember that daycare basically IS school for younger children.  I mean, SAHM's kids are going to go to school eventually, right?
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  • imageMAprincess:
    This is part of the reason why DH and I refer to daycare as school.  As in, "DS really loves his teachers at school."  Because that helps others remember that daycare basically IS school for younger children.  I mean, SAHM's kids are going to go to school eventually, right?

    We do the same thing.  In fact, the name is ___ Nursery School. She even calls it "cool" herself.  Every morning, she gets in the car and says "Emma go cool! YAY!!!"

  • I just ignore them as well.  Everyone has to do what is best for their family. We consider our daycare as an extension of our family who help us care for our child when we can't, just like others use grandparents, etc.  We don't have family around us, so daycare it is.
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  • I try to ignore that stuff.  Kind of related - I was watching a show once where moms got together at a coffee shop to discuss issues (I forget what it was called).  Anyway, one mom was going on about working moms and how can they leave their kids all day, let someone else raise them, etc.  They then did a little bit where they showed this mom at home with her family.  She berates her husband (to the point that her daughter also started treating the Dad poorly) and she CLEARLY hated being a SAHM!  I was just dumb struck about how in denial she was.

    Anyway, that little window into that woman's life made me realize that a whole lot of women are trying really hard to justify their choices.  Try not to let them bother you.

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  • AlisaSAlisaS member
    Totally just someone who is trying to make herself feel better by denigrating others.
  • trinnytrinny member
    Yes, just try to ignore.  I even had one well-meaning friend tell me "You are a good mommy-- it is okay if you work, she'll never remember this"  and I was like-- thanks, uhh... I know I'm a good mom, that was never a question in my mind.
  • imageAlisaS:
    Totally just someone who is trying to make herself feel better by denigrating others.
    Ditto.  This is all that comment is.  Trying to make herself feel better by cutting you down.  Which tells me that she actually isn't 100% comfortable w/ her choice.  If she were, then she wouldn't care what other mothers choose to do.
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  • I know it shouldnt, but the whole "i dont want someone else raising my kids" line always infuriates me. People dont realize how dumb of a statement that is. So working Dads arent raising their kids? When they go to school does that mean the school is raising them? Bunch of sanctimonious crap...
  • If someone just refers to DS as a "daycare kid", eh, I don't care.  I mean, he is a daycare kid in the sense that he attends daycare every weekday.  But I don't associate any negative connotation with daycare.  It's like referring to him as a blonde kid, or a talkative kid.  He is.

    The "strangers raising you kid" angers me, but I realize that the people who say that are ignorant and have some sort of internal self-doubt going on about their own choices. 

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  • I don't understand why people think kids who attend daycare are less well behaved. In my experience, they're actually the complete opposite. Kids at my sons school are very well behaved, know how to stand in line, be patient, respectful, ect.  They also meet milestones earlier and are more socially interactive than a lot of kids that I've met who SAH.

    Also, It really irks me when people say that they dont want "daycare raising their kids" b/c clearly DH and I are raising our child, as we will continue to do so when he goes to elementary school.

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  • There are positives and negatives to be a sahm and working mom. Kids that go to daycare are "daycare kids" so I don't find that degrading. I'd just take it with a grain of salt, personally.
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  • i've said it before and i'll say it again... you have to be confident in your choice to be a working mom- and can't let other people's comments get you down.

    people are stupid... people are rude... they will say things that are not nice. If you are secure in your situation and know you are doing the best for your family- what someone else says/does will not matter.

    comments lumping all kids that are daycare/SAH into one category are made from ignorance.

    I was a K teacher and can tell you- there were kids who were animals who were SAH kids... and some who were 'daycare kids" who were horrible, too.  The fact is- the parent is the one who is most influential in a child's life.  Believe me- as a teacher I WISH I could have un-taught kids things their parents instilled in them... but i couldn't. So do not worry- your child is a product of you and your DH... with a little daycare mixed in- but for the most part- is who YOU help them to be - not daycare or school, etc.

  • Thanks Goldie, you are so right! I love being a working mom.  I feel like it makes me more well rounded as a parent.  I couldn't imagine spending all that time and money on a college degree/education and not actually use it.  I've been on both sides... and after 6 months home with DD, my brain felt like mush by the time I went back to work!  

    And the best part is I've never missed a milestone! She's done all of her firsts when she's home with us!

    I don't know why I let it bother me when that person who said it was clearly ignorant and unhappy with her decision to SAH. 

  • imagejennynorene:
    people are dumb.  try not to let it get to you.  those type of comments usually stem from how they feel about their own situation.

    This.  And you could always be snarky and when you see a spoiled, shy child, say "wow, your mom must stay at home!"  LOL.  TOTALLY kidding.  sort of Stick out tongue

    PS - My mom was a SAHM...

  • Ds's pedi calls him a daycare kid. (shrug)
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  • I love that my kid is a 'daycare kid' although we too call it school.  She's so happy with it and even on the weekends she will ask if she's going to school because she misses her friends.  Thankfully we have 'weekend friends' too :-)

     For those people who judge, they're just unhappy in their own lives.

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