Working mom guilt

belle204 · July 2009

I've been back at work for a month after being laid off for a year. I thought dd seemed to be doing well but lately it's been awful. She asks for me all day, she cries, whines and begs me not to leave her. It breaks my heart. Last night she told me, "I love you so much mommy. Don't leave me." I mean, how do you hear that and not break down? I'm a single mom. I have no choice but to work. I don't think about it as much when I'm there b/c I'm so busy. She stays with my mom and I think the poor thing is just bored. I'm hoping to get her in daycare or preschool or a class to fill up her time and give her some structure and kids to play with. I hate feeling like I'm upsetting her ... you would think I'd be tough by now.

Stellasmom · July 2009

Ugh, that sounds so tough.

I bet a daycare would be easier for her, like you said.

Mel&Jason · July 2009

Sorry to hear this! It makes me sad. But you may be right about signing her up for preschool or daycare. Interacting with kids her age might do wonders for her. I would give that a shot.

14years · July 2009

That sounds so hard. I do think daycare or preschool would be good for her.

In the meantime, is your mom in a position to offer her more activity and variety during the day and be able to get out of the house? If she could find three things that your DD would think were fun and then let her know that's what they'll be doing that week, it may help. Like a story hour at a library on Monday, a visit to a fun playground on Wednesday, maybe a community/municipal pool on Friday? If your DD is old enough, she may understand she has something to look forward to for the whole week.

madhatter2003 · July 2009

It is hard. My DD says the same things in the morning, but when I go to get her at the end of the day she tells me to go back to work as she's so busy playing with her friends at preschool. I do think either having your mom take her to some 'kid' activities or getting her in daycare/preschool might help things.

carrie4g · July 2009

The above posts hit it on the nail in terms of her boredom. I would also look at how you're talking about it in front of her and try to be very cheerful and happy and build her excitement to go to grandmas. you could also put in a bagging some supplies to make you an art project and tell her you want her to work on her art for you so when you see each other that night you have something to look forward to. essentially, put her to "work" herself. But don't beat yourself up over this. Believe me, she's not going to remember this when she's 20!

snickerdoodle27 · July 2009

I agree, she's probably bored. Maybe you can look into some local activities for her? Now might be a good time since it's summer and a lot of kids need something to do!

mclaugaa · July 2009

I know our library has toddle days, a sprinkler park, and I think the county college has a day camp thats pretty cheap. There has to be something in your area to keep her busy

soccermom-to-be · July 2009

Even just going to the park every day would be great for them both, assuming your mom can walk/drive etc. I am off on Friday's and take DD to the local park with some other mom friends. There are a ton of other kids who are watched by their grandmothers when we're there. The kids all play together which allows their grandmother's to relax a bit and there are other moms (like me!) who help out if there is something immediate like going down the slide or pushing another child on the swing.

I also second the library, free story hours cannot be beat.

I will say that even my own DD gets bored on Friday mornings if I don't have something for her to do and then she starts asking when she gets to go to school so I would say daycare/preschool would be great.

belle204 · July 2009

Thanks everyone. I know the poor thing is bored mindless. I always took her to the park, the library, bookstore, thrift shops (she's so my child), inflatable place, free movies, to play in the waterworks at this local shopping center, etc. My mom took her the park one day and it didn't go so well and she freaks out at the smallest things. I'm going to try ro start leaving a list of activities and getting her to do at least one of them with her. Hopefully things improve soon.

jellybean529 · July 2009

Your DD is beautiful!

I think daycare or preschool is a great option. I know that older kids have a little bit of a harder time adjusting at first, but once they do they're fine...I have to walk through the preschool room to get to my daughter's room at daycare, and when there's a new child, they're usually pretty whiny for the first week but after that, they blend right in with the group and get right to playing. I can imagine how much what your DD said to you hurts your heart though, it would hurt mine too!

belle204 · July 2009

mrs.tbc:

Your DD is beautiful!

I think daycare or preschool is a great option. I know that older kids have a little bit of a harder time adjusting at first, but once they do they're fine...I have to walk through the preschool room to get to my daughter's room at daycare, and when there's a new child, they're usually pretty whiny for the first week but after that, they blend right in with the group and get right to playing. I can imagine how much what your DD said to you hurts your heart though, it would hurt mine too!

Thank you.

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