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3rd Trimester
DH bad arguement....vent. Help me.
My DH has always had a very bad knee from playing hardcore baseball for basically his entire life. Last week he went out to go fishing, fell, and ripped something in his knee. Since then he has not been able to sleep, is in agonizing pain, nothing seems to help. It has affected everything--he literally can't walk, he is in so much pain 24/7.
He refuses to go see a DR. His health insurance ran out and is currently not insured. I say screw it--he is in so much pain that I don't care what it would cost at this point I think he seriously needs to go to the ER. Again, he is so stubborn and will not go.
Last night was the breaking point for me. He was up all night again and when he is up I cannot sleep. This baby is due any day and I need him. I just need his help and support and he is unable to do anything because of this injury.
I had an appointment at my Dr. this morning and my DH was in the car with me. I told him that I want to take him to the ER. That we cannot do this right now--we have to think about the entire situation. I need his help, the baby will need him, I want him to be able to enjoy the LO and because he is in so much pain I don't think he will be able to. I told him whatever the cost--it was more important that he take care of himself.
My DH does not get upset. He does not yell. This morning in the car...he was literally screaming at me. He said that we cannot afford the medical bills--that we have so many other financial burdens right now that it isn't worth it to him. He can deal with the pain. I mean angry, angry, angry, forceful yelling at the top of his lungs. I was driving and I literally had to pull over he scared me so much.
I was shaking because I was so upset. I was totally caught off guard by his behavior. I turned the car around and dropped him off at home. I was crying.
He has never acted this way before. But trust me when I tell you that he is very, very hurt and I am concerned. I feel like I am his mother! Why can't this grown man just accept the fact that he really needs medical attention......
IDK what would you do?
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Re: DH bad arguement....vent. Help me.
can he get cobra coverage or something and go see a doctor? Like you said he needs to be able to help you, but I can understand financial worries, especially if he ends up needing surgery or something.
pPROM at 27 weeks, Birdy born at 28 weeks at 2lb 7oz.
Some hospitals will also take into account your financial situation and put you on a sliding scale of how much they expect you to pay. Or they could set up a payment plan to work with you too so you aren't getting hit with one giant bill.
I hope he does get medical attention and loses his stubborness. Good luck!
Wow, I dont know what to say about this one. Bottom line he needs to get it looked at! Whether its now or later.. He may have serious damage and it could get worse, he may need surgery.....
What happens when you go into labor and he cant drive you, or he falls down?? You dont need that extra stress!!!
As for the screaming, I would have done the same thing. I cant handle screaming and it scares me to death. Can you call someone to help you talk him into going to the doctor? He will thank u later!!
trust me, i'm at the financial stress level of your DH. but both of you need to be healthy to survive a newborn.
can he at least have his knee looked at (maybe it'd be cheaper?) and so at least you both know what's wrong.
if it's something major, i'd be worried that it will get worse the longer he goes w/o treatment.
GL. and i hope your DH feels better soon!
He's probably really mad at himself and the situation and took it out on you.
He isn't seeing himself and his needs as a priority right now because he feels responsible for being the provider, so he'd rather tough it out.
He's probably weighing the cost in dollars over the cost to you and baby which is such a man thing to do.
Tell him that you need him to get checked out so you can stop the stress you're feeling by being so worried. He'll be doing you a favor, when really he'll be helping himself.?
I bet his blow up has nothing to do with seeing a doctor and everything to do with providing financially for his family. Men tend to react with a safe emotion (anger) instead of being seen as weak (being scared, feeling helpless, ect).
While he has absolutely no right to go off on you like that - esp while you're driving - being in pain, sleep deprived and worrying about medical bills is a very stressful situation.
Is there some way to add him to your insurance? Or is there a free-clinic in the area he can go to?
he seems really stressed out, which i would be too- its horrible timing and he prob realizes that he needs surgery... but a doc appt just to check it out wont be crazy expensive, would it? it's usually like $100 around here (my dh doesnt have insurance either)... so maybe if he just goes to the reg doc to get some help with "temporary" solutions (like pain management or ways to wrap it or other options that you may not be aware of- and if u talk to them about not having insurance, sometimes they try to help you out as much as possible and "cut" corners for things if they see you really need help- or they may know of some way to get help with it- like an organization or something- idk!)
sorry that you have to be stressed out by that- try to talk to him again once he cools down... i think he realizes everythign that you said and it scares him too... so that's why he reacted the way he did- plus he is in extreme pain... so try not to get too upset about it- of course easier said than done though- sorry :-(
even if u add him to your insurance- which may not be an option- they may view it as a "pre-existing" condition...so they may not cover it! depends on how docs code it and all...
he is probably yelling because of the pain he is in, men don't handle pain well most times. I think I would tell him I am going to leave the house and move in with a friend(relative etc) if he didn't go to the doctor or ER. Seriously, who could have that going on with a newborn? He's trying to be the tough guy or whatever but it's just going to get worse.
?However you need to do what YOU are most comfortable doing, you know the situation better then anyone here or any advice anyone else can give. Go with your gut, do what you know should be done.?
You know I think the Department of Health has clinics to go to if you aren't insured. You just need your drivers license to get checked out. I would contact them and ask if they have anything like that available because I bet they do. It sounds like your husband (despite the yelling) is a good man who is just really internally stressed out about providing for his family and then dealing with his own pain in his leg. I would not even tell him you are contacting to see if there is a clinic (it isn't free but they have really really small fees) and then tell him after you find out if it is even an option....good luck with you and I hope your husband feels better.
This. He HAS to go. My DH hates to go to the doc and finally broke down and went. He waited too long and now has to have knee surgery. Same reasons, hard core baseball, football, golf...whatever.
~Kimberly & Eric~ April 21, 2008 ~Tensing Pen ~ Negril, Jamaica ~ My Blog: One Sunset at a Time
Go to the hospital. Then, pay it off in installments of 50 or 100 a month. It's how I always got treatment when I un or under insured.
If you've got a teaching hospital anywhere nearby, go their, b/c it's cheaper to be treated by a 4th year student supervised by a doctor.
There's a lot of men that can't make themselves go to the doctor. They put family before their own needs. Admirable? yes, but to an extent. He is probably doing further damage by not going immediately to the ER.
My dad had pain in his spine and abdomen for a year before we dragged him to doctor, when he finally got diagnosed he had stage III testicular cancer that spread all the way to his lungs and grew a tumor the size of a softball between his stomach and his spine. He had chemo two times and almost died. I think men who wait to go to the doctor need a reality check.
Keep pushing him, if things get worse you will feel guilty that you didn't say more. (I know we did)