Babies: 9 - 12 Months
lpennie16
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passive aggressive MIL/ how often grandparents see LO
lpennie16
member
When she hasn't seen him in a little over a week she will make comments *supposedly to him like "Granny hasn't seen you in foreveeeeer." I just ignore her. She watches him once a week, which to me is PLENTY.
Growing up, we saw our grandparents maybe twice a year and that was after we had moved away. When we lived in the same town as them, we saw them maybe once a month. They just didn't play a huge role in our lives. Our parents and siblings were our "family" for the most part. I just think she's being a bit excessive and I'm getting annoyed at her comments.
Have others had the same experience? Is it common to spend so much time with grandparents?
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Re: passive aggressive MIL/ how often grandparents see LO
I saw my grandparents alot growing up but my dad's parents lived a block away. I agree- I think once a week is pretty frequent and she shouldn't say she hasnt' seen him in forever if it's been a week!
We don't have the luxury since we live 8-9 hours away from our parents.
Our parents live out of state. My mom visits once a month, his mom and dad a couple times a year. Before baby we visited all of them several times a year.
Don't get your back up about MILs comments. She misses her grandbaby. It's sweet. If she said "oh, him again. Why do you think I want to see that darn baby so much?" THEN you'd have reason to complain.
I spent a lot of time with my grandparents as a child (probably a little too much - they spoiled me rotten). We live 1 1/2 hours from DS's grandparents so we see them about every other week. We tend to spend more time with my side of the family.
If you and your DH are comfortable with the amount of time you spend with her (and considering she watches him every week, I don't get the feeling that you are depriving her of her grandchild), then I would try to ignore her comments.
Ugh. My parents watch DS two days a week- they are part of our day care.
IL's see him once every few weeks. It's a long story. They could see him more if they really wanted, but they don'.t And because my parents see him so much, MIL makes passive agressive comments about it.
The last time, oVER AND OVER AND OVER, it was "Hi baby. You're wondering who this strange lady is. I'm just stranger. You dont' know me". I wanted to shoot myself.
The first couple times I was like "Oh- he knows you, he's just tired", being nice about it. but when she KEPT at it, I got a bit more biting about it. She finally shut up.
If she keeps it up, one day I'm going to say to her "Your relationsihp w/ him is what you make of it. If you only talk to him about what a stranger you are, then he's goign to grow up believing that and yes, you will be a stranger. You may not see him a lot, but how you use that time is up to you. I personally suggest using it to help him learn about you and to learn about him....".
And as far as what is common- that's totally subjective. But I think once a week is definitely plenty.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My parents live in very near us and I try my hardest to let them see DS once a week because they are great people and great grandparents and I want him to know them well. But it would be a different story if I didn't feel like they were a good influence or if I didn't get along with them. Growing up we saw my grandparents 5-6 times a year, I think, but they lived a few hours away and each summer we would stay a week with each set.
In your situation, since it's your DH's parents, I would say the onus is more on him to find time for them to see your LO and to put his foot down if it is too much. There's really no one size fits all answer since every family is different. For me, unless there's a lot of back story you're not sharing, I would be excited that your LO's grandparents were so involved. It will be a fabulous relationship for your LO to have. But, like I said, that's me and my perspective. For your family it might be different.
I don't get that from my MIL, but that's because she lives 9 hours away. She has made comments about how she always thought her grandkids would live next to her and everyone would get together on the weekends. I never thought this, as I saw my grandma's a few times a year.
I think every week is excessive, but a few times a month is no big deal. My dad comes over maybe every other week. It gives us a day to ourselves and my dad gets to play with DS.
Aah, that's a different story entirely. In that case, I would say a supervised vist once a month is plenty.
When we were kids we saw my mom's parents often (until she moved) and then my dad's parents every summer (they lived down the shore). DH's family is a bit different and get together for every event, so he saw his grandparents all the time!
Now, DD sees MIL and FIL at least once a week, sometimes more. My parents she see every couple months because they live 12 hours away.
my mil says the same exact thing & she sees the girls usually once a week. It is annoying b/c I feel a week isn't long enough...lol
I just ignore her. At least she is trying to be a good grandma.
I think it depends on how you were raised.
My mom was a single parent so I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. My grandfather basically raised me as his own daughter. My sister and I went to my grandparents everyday after school until my mom got home from work.
We have complicated grandparent situation for DS since both our parents are divorced and we step-parents.
I'm super close with my mom and she sees DS a few times a month. She still works FT so it's not like she's sitting home waiting for me to visit.
DH's dad and step-mom live close-by and they see DS once a month or less.
My dad and step-mom also live close-by and they see DS like every few months. Actually, my step-mom has only seen him twice. My dad comes over to watch him if I have a doctor's appointment or something since he doesn't work.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ugh. I was just talking about this yesterday. My MIL is so passive aggressive. She always calls to say that she wants to come down 'to help.' No, no you don't. You want to come down to see your granddaughter. I don't need your effing help. If you want to come see her tell me!!
Finally DH had to have a talk with her. I can't stand passive aggressive bull sh**
AW YES.
Except I get this from MY parents. My parents didn't see Colin for a month (he was sick, we were busy, they were busy, etc). My mom never comes to see him alone (she won't drive the 30 min to my house alone), my dad works 6 days/week, 12 hours/day and complains that we are too far away. I was home for 6 months with him and she never came ONCE during the week. Then they decided to take vaca this week and hinted all weekend about coming to watch him "ALL DAY" this week. When I told her Friday was good for me (I WAH that day), she said, oh we can only come in the afternoon. Nice. Don't complain you can't see him and then when offered do it half assed. Last week she offered to watch him while he was sick, but said she couldn't take vacation. Wouldn't you know, 2 days later she takes a vacation day to clean the house!!!
Same as you with the grandparents. We never really saw our grandparents and they never played a huge role in our lives. Each set of grandparents has like 20-30 grandkids and a billion great-grandkids. It just wasn't the norm to see them a lot (and we all lived in the same town).
Sorry so long, but this is a sore spot for me .
Growing up my mom's parents were or daycare, so we saw them everyday (they watched my cousins too so we all grew up together and got to play with family every day--it was so much fun and God bless my Grandma for watching all of us-no idea how she did it!) My dad's parents live overseas so we see them as often as we can get over there or they can come here (we went about every other yr). So to me, grandparetns are very involved people.
My parents see the baby almost every day (they live a few mins away). Whether its me needing to get some stuff done and dropping him buy (and when I work, my mom will watch him) or we go for dinner or they just stop by to see him. I personally love them seeing him everyday adn my sisters will come by a few times a week too if we havent gotten over to the house. He loves them all and I get a little break too.
My IL's are another story. They are definetly upset with the fact that they dont see my DS as often, they come around maybe once a month (they are 1 hr away) and when they do come, he looks at them like strangers. They come by for 30mins-1hr and its never a visit for the baby, its just they are in the area and swing by to see his "new tricks" (as if he was an animal) and take pics to show everyone how cute their grandson is. DH and I discuss it and he he sees it too, but know that things wont change. In the end, I am upset for DS, but know that he has more than enough love from everyone else and he will get to make the choice as to what to do with the relationship as he grows.
My MIL makes those kind of comments all the time too, very annoying as she see's my boys at least once a week, a lot of times MORE. What is funny about it, she absolutely cannot stand her own MIL and mother, so DH hardly ever saw his grandparents growing up.
However, I am happy she is willing to see/take our kids as much as possible - my mom isnt a great babysitter, so its nice to have a break once in awhile. The comments get old though.
My in-laws live 20 minutes away and see my son about 3 times a week. my folks are on the other side of the country.
When I was a kid my grandparents lived in the next town, we saw them 2-3 times a week. Dh's grandmother lived with them when he was a kid.
We lived with my grandparents when I was growing up and I can't picture not having them around. My other set of grandparents live in FL so I've seen them maybe 10 times in my whole life.
We're living with my parents now so my mom spends time with DD every day. My own grandpa comes over to visit her everyday.
FI's parents live 2 hours from here and only get to see DD once a month. I feel bad for them!
Mom's side: very active in our life. We saw them at least once a week, but probably more.
Dad's: once a year was a lot when we moved away...when we lived near, it was the same as mom's side...
Really, if we live near either side, we keep baby connected to them...DH's side lives 8 hours by ferry and don't seem overly interested in seeing DD, even though we've offered to bring them up and everything...