Shower ettiquette

wwsurf81 · July 2009

I have no idea how to spell etiquette, but anyway. Two friends of mine came to me and asked to throw a shower and they want me to come up with a list of names for invitations. I'm not really sure what the rules are for who to invite. I don't want anyone's feelings to be hurt by not inviting them, but also don't want to invite people who don't want to be invited. I work at an elementary school and everytime someone has a baby, there's a staff shower hosted by that person's grade level. My grade level colleagues have not mentioned anything to me about a shower or a date, although one of them mentioned a shower to my husband (he works at my school too), so I think maybe there is one in the works but who knows. Anyway, should I invite my good friends from work to the shower my non-school friends are throwing for me or not because they will probably already attend the school one? It would feel weird not to invite my friends from work, since they are a big chunk of my friends, but I don't want to make people feel like they have to bring a buy twice as much stuff. (fyi- at our school showers, people rarely buy their own individual gifts. Usually groups of people go in together on something for the preggo person).

At1stsight · July 2009

I didn't invite any of my co-workers to my family and friends shower. They might not throw me a work shower (I was originally told by my boss that she was going to put something together, but that was when I first announced at 12 weeks), but I figured that if they did, it'd be very awkward for the others who had been invited to one previously. Since I didn't invite ANY, it's not like one co-worker was left out and others were included.

People don't get offended on not being invited to a shower when it's clear it isn't a personal exclusion (i.e., I invited everyone but you b/c I don't like you).

JennyAnne022776 · July 2009

For my bridal shower, I invited a couple of my good friends from school, but they were also invited to the wedding as well. At our school, a shower is thrown (for weddings and babies) and the "Social Sunshine" committee purchases a $50 gift card from a store (generally a Bed, Bath and Beyond/Babies R Us) that is from the entire staff. I guess I didn't feel like they were double-gifting or anything like that because their contribution toward the school gift was about $1.00 - lol. Would your friend shower come before or after your school shower?

jrnewhook · July 2009

We will be sending a general invite to all the people in my old workplace. We moved several months ago, but are traveling back home for the baby shower. I can honestly say that I considered them all friends, altough I was closer with some than others. I don't want anyone to feel excluded, so an invite will be addressed to Staff at _____ and this way if some do not wish to come, then they won't and my closer friends will definitely be there.

wwsurf81 · July 2009

JennyAnne022776:
For my bridal shower, I invited a couple of my good friends from school, but they were also invited to the wedding as well. At our school, a shower is thrown (for weddings and babies) and the "Social Sunshine" committee purchases a $50 gift card from a store (generally a Bed, Bath and Beyond/Babies R Us) that is from the entire staff. I guess I didn't feel like they were double-gifting or anything like that because their contribution toward the school gift was about $1.00 - lol. Would your friend shower come before or after your school shower?

I don't really know, because no date has been set for either.

rschmitt · July 2009

I only invited my good friends from school, which is 3 people. 1 is helping to host, and the other 2 are people that were invited to my last birthday party. My department has mentioned hosting a shower at work when we return in the fall.

hopefulmom · July 2009

My DD invited the 3 women she worked with (sat in the same office, etc) to her family/friend shower. They took up a collection while she was on maternity leave and sent her a very nice album and gift card to BRU. They just signed it with her department so she is not sure which people donated toward the gift. She just send a thank you to the department for that gift since she did not individuals. I would think if these women are your good friends that you socialize with (go to each other's houses, go out to dinner, go shopping with) then go ahead and invite them. If there is a work shower maybe you can just tell them you do not expect them to donate to the work shower...but because they are such good friends you wanted them to be at your family/friend shower because it is more personal.

Andreaw1124 · July 2009

Wow. I?m almost in the SAME exact situation. I had posted on this dilemma last week. My husband and I both work together, therefore he has ladies that he is closer to than I am?and I don?t want anybody?s feelings to get hurt. AND?some of the ladies here at work threw a surprise shower for a lady that had only been here for about a month, but this doesn?t mean I can assume that they will be throwing me a surprise shower here at work. I just didn?t want to invite a bunch of co-workers (some much closer to me than others) to my family/friends shower, only to find out they are planning a surprise shower (in which case they might feel obligated to buy two gifts).

I think in your case?it is pretty safe to assume they are going to be doing something for you at work, in which case I might leave them off the invite list. Super tough call though?like I said?I?m in your same situation. Somebody gave me the advice of waiting to invite the ladies from work until about 2-3 weeks out from the shower to see if anyone comes forward with a work shower for you. Also, some asked a good question regarding how many people you can invite to your family/friends shower without putting your hostesses out (after all, they are the ones that will pay for the extra bodies in food, favors, prizes, etc?). I?m having mine at a restaurant and keeping it simple with pizza and soda, so the capacity is large.

I guess after all is said and done?invite all your work friends, and if they do end up doing a work shower, tell them individually that you would enjoy their company at your friends/family shower?but are by no means required to bring ANOTHER gift.

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Shower ettiquette

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