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2nd Trimester
Anyone else not been included by friends 'cause you're pregnant?
DH and I are using our only week of vacation to go to Florida to be in a wedding for some friends, the bride is helping throw my baby shower. I found out from another bridesmaid/close friend Wednesday, with more details given last night, that because I am pregnant I was not invited to the bachlorette party. The other maid stuck up for me and told the bride that I should have been given the choice to attend. The other maid also said that while we're in Florida we should all go out for another mini-bachlorette party. To this the bride said that she wouldn't really be comfortable with me going to that one either. We saw the couple last night and the bride brought up the party and said that she was just thinking of the baby. What about the mom? I still have feelings, although they're more of the sensitive/hormonal kind right now.
Being pregnant doesn't mean I stop living and sit at home for 9 months.
Inconclusion, I am good enough to spend money on Florida, gifts, and a dress, but because I'm pregnant and can't drink, I can't hang out and have fun. DH is livid and doesn't want me to leave work early today for the bridal shower nor does he want to go to Florida with them anymore.
I'm pretty upset and don't know what to do. Have any of you been left out? If so, how did you handle it? How would you handle this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone else not been included by friends 'cause you're pregnant?
I've been excluded from things that I normally would have been invited to when not pregnant. For instance, we went to a BBQ yesterday with our friends, and several of the girls were talking about how they went to see a local cover band the night before. I just outright mentioned to them that I would have loved to have gone along.
I would mention to your friend that your feelings are hurt that you weren't invited to the bachelorette party, and that you would have loved to have been involved.
She woundn't be comfortable with you attending? Do you think she has reason to think that you will be drinking there or something? No offense intended at all - but I know quite a few preggos that have more than the recommended beverage intake while knocked up, and I would not invite one that WOULD drink to a party involving drinking. Just a thought.
Um, i'm pretty sure the op is not an alchy.?
LOL I haven't even touched caffeine let alone alcohol since I found out I was expecting. Def difficult since I drank about 2 sweet teas a day. I'm at the point that I don't really miss my 2 teas or the occasional margarita anymore, so no worries here.
Either your friend is completely clueless and knows nothing of social etiquette and feelings or she is just being a B. I would definitely skip her shower and any other event that is a slight inconvience or "uncomfortable" for you. Showers are boring anyway.
To my knowledge, my friends have not left me out on anything at this level. In fact, I've been invited to plenty drinking fests (they are probably secretly hoping I will be DD). If people were doing excluding me, I would definitely confront them. You need good friends around you more than ever now.
That's ridiculous! Its not up to you or the bridezilla. It's up to the pregnant woman and she can easily sit at home and drink if she wants. So exactly how is that manipulative behavior acceptable?
Oh dear god you all need to take a step back.
OP, I realize you don't drink - your friend may not realize you won't drink or something equally dumb. When my friends talk about going out, I remind them that they are drinking for 2 so I'll do my part and be sober cab.
Non-pregnant people are weird when they don't understand things. Realistically, she didn't want you to feel odd not drinking and thought she'd do you a favor by not inviting you and putting you in that spot. Call her on it and decide how to handle it based on her reaction. If she appologizes and includes you, I'd put the whole thing behind us and continue as planned. If she defends herself saying you shouldn't be out/at a bar/bla bla bla I'm with your DH and would probably not go.
Well said. Won't know her intentions until you talk directly to her.
Yes and no. They know I'm not interested in going to a bar or dancing so if they go to one of those, they don't bother to call me, which is fine with me. Although if they're going to get their nails done, have lunch, go shopping, etc. then yeah, they know I'm all over that so they give me a call.
Simply explain to them that you'd still like to be included, regardless of the fact that you're pregnant. If they're anything like mine, they'll understand and start calling you
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
This same thing happened to me 3 weeks ago!!!
I flew home from London to our small town in Ohio for her wedding and two nights before the wedding found pics on Facebook of her Bachelorette party at a comedy club...now..isnt that something that even a pregnant lady could do? I mean, I cant drink but I can still have a good laugh!
Then at the reception of her wedding she named ONLY me in her speech (not her family or anyone else) and thanked me for coming all that way for her wedding and how much I mean to her and bla bla...I was kinda like HUH??? I kinda thought we were closer than that but............
I haven't had this happen, but it is pretty ridiculous.
Like you said, you can have a good time without drinking! The only thing that would stop me from going out at any point in my pregnancy would be a bar with smoking. However, most places sell food and do not allow smoking, so i think it's terrible that they didn't include you, especially the bride!!!
I haven't been excluded yet (not that I know of, anyway
) but would be livid if I was.
First of all, I would call out your friend on leaving you out. It is not hre responsibility to make decisions ("I was just thinking of the baby," my arse). There has to be something else... jealousy perhaps...?
Second, I probably would change my RSVP to a big "no" for the wedding. If I'm not good enough to be included in the bachelorette party, then I'm obviously not a good enough friend to have to spend money and time on travel just for her wedding.
I'm mad for you... this it totally crappy of her (and all "friends" who leave people out of activities just because they're pregnant). I've had friends invite me places and preface it with, "I won't be offended if you don't come because it might not be fun for you," if it's a wine tasting or something else that isn't necessarily pregnant-friendly, but I'm still included and often go just for the community of it.
Oh that sux!!! Some of my friends haven't asked me to do stuff at bars/clubs but some have.
I am so sorry that your friend is being insensitve. It is your choice whether you feel comfortable or not. So sorry!
Exactly!
This actually just happened to me yesterday. We were at a 4th of july bbq and a few of our friends were talking about how they were so hung over and all went out until 4am the night before. I asked why didn't anyone tell us and they said "well you're pregnant, why would you wanna go?" We wouldnt have stayed out til 4am but we do like to go out and do things and sitting outside on a patio in nice weather sounds like a fun time to me.
I would say something to my friend if i were you.
Owen- April 2011
Olivia- Due December 24th