What do you say? ... I just smiled and fumed later.
We went to our local library's baby story time today for the first time. I think DS liked it so we'll go again, but one comment from one mother just about ruined the afternoon for me:
We were sitting around in a circle singing songs with actions when, between songs, the mother next to me asked how old DS is. I replied that he is 7 months old and when she gave me a confused funny look, I explained that he was a preemie so really he's like 5 months old (he's meeting his milestones at his adjusted rather than actual age). She still looked confused but also a little relieved because she said "Oh, 'cause he's so tiny." hmm. ok. whatever. He's tall and skinny for his adjusted age and I'm proud of him as he is and figure he'll catch up to his actual on his own time.
Anyway, fast forward to the next break between songs and the same mother (who is having a conversation with the mother seated on my other side) asks when DS birthday was. I said he was born Dec 3rd and she smiled and mentioned that her son was born in November and then called to her friend and lifted her son to stand next to mine. She said to the other mom, "Look, they're only a month apart!"
Is there EVER an appropriate time to stick your kid next to someone else's and compare in such a vulgar way?! I can't decide whether to go to the morning story time instead next time or go back and give that woman a piece of my mind. At the time I was so surprised I just sat there like a bump on a log.
Re: What do you say? ... I just smiled and fumed later.
I got that crap from about 5 different people last week, and my kids are almost 20 months old! It is so hard, but now it just makes me angry with their rudeness instead of hurting my feelings, and I'm usually able to lash out at them (or as a last resort, try to plow them over with my double stroller while yelling "excuse me" in a pissy, rude tone).
I think you should go back, armed with something really great to put her in her place. Hopefully you won't need to use it, but you cannot let rude buttholes like her drag you down. Your son is AMAZING, and you have every right in the world to show him off and enjoy exploring the world with him. So go out there and tell her that she is being vulgar and rude if she says even 1 more thing to you.
so rude! even if your baby wasn't a preemie who does that? was she trying to brag at how big her baby is? who cares!!! im so sick of everyone compareing stats on babies and kids.
i would totally go and say something sarcastic to her next time.
Rowen Alexander born 10 weeks early 1/28/07
www.4wquestions.blogspot.com
No one but the preemie mamas will get it.
I use the phrase "not appropriate" a lot when people say stupid things about DS. If that mom decides to open her mouth again I might say, "you know, it's really not appropriate to go around randomly comparing children size, especially when I've just explained that he was born 9 weeks early."
It's always hard to say things in the moment though.
Thanks for your comments, I was really pretty riled up earlier.
When I called DH after story time, he told me I ought to take a particularly stinky, messy diaper and 'accidentally' leave it in her diaper bag. ;-) Sweet DH!
Seriously though, I get where she's coming from. I think she was just proud of her LO's growth - I mean who here isn't?! She just expressed it in a completely inappropriate manner.
I think I would say something lke "yes, my child is a bit small. While yours was growing blissfully, mine was struggling to live."
I hate that crap. Robbie's small even for his adjusted age because he's had numerous stomach problems. I really don't appreciate people demeaning him because of it.
My Blog
Go grumpy young mom on her...sweet supportive DH!
Don't take it personally. There are many people who don't understand preemies. Unless you've lived through it, its hard for people to "get it". Just enjoy your little one and don't let others actions get to you.
I spent a lot of time explaining my DD's size and how premature she was. She's now 3 and totally caught up. She's still on the petite size (I think she just will be petite). Eventually they do catch up to their peers. It just takes them a little longer since they didn't get as much womb time as the others.
I agree that this was rude and out of line and horrible, but the fact remains that we will all go through this many many times over and do we fight the world or just keep plowing through all the BS a-holes who are too stupid to know when to keep their mouths shut? I still get this all the time too, but it was way worse when the boys were Failure to Thrive and a fraction of the size of a kid at their adjusted age. Even now it's an issue because while my guys are finally on the charts thanks to feeding tubes in their bellies, they don't do many things that kids much younger have no problems doing. My answer is that they were Very Early babies and have a lot of catching up to do because they were so sick and tiny.
I just got back from story time this afternoon and had a similar experience with a new mom to the group but luckily we've been going for many weeks now and many of the other moms were very supportive of me because they know our story and have watched me deal with my two by myself. One lady whom I've become friends with even put her in her place by letting her know that while the boys are still catching up they are doing great and are making leaps in development so that all the moms look forward to seeing us each week. That made me feel good. I didn't have to say much to the lady.