Just wanted to say...
taagent
member
I hope that to you all I don't come off as a b!tch and looking for selfish gain with my recent posts. That certainly isn't my goal as far as SD is concerned.
I love my SD dearly, have attended every after school activity (ie cheer practice, swim lesson), and school function (parent teacher conference, open house, award ceremony) she has had in the last two and a half years, even when I was the only one attending.
Despite the fact that I b!tch and moan about BM I want BM to be the mother she should be. I want BM to have the relationship with SD and attend the activities and school things she should attend. I would LOVE if SD was in two stable homes, and BM was fully participating in her life and taking care of all of her needs.
Unfortunately, no matter how I try to spin it, that isn't reality. BM didn't attend a single school event this past school year. The year before that she attended two, a concert and a terrific kid award ceremony. She hasn't met with a teacher for a parent teacher conference in more than two years.
I don't want the title of being a mom, I don't want the power and authority that it has been mentioned DH and I are trying to gain from this current situation. I would LOVE to be able to look at BM in the eye and think that she is a good mother...but I can't, not because she isn't the mother I think SD needs and deserves but because she isn't willing to choose her daughter over her boyfriend.
That is all I am saying...
Re: Just wanted to say...
Ehhh...I don't think the people who posted like that knew the whole story. I for one think you're a great SM.
I'm always surprised (in a good way) by all the SMs on this board. The regulars really care about the kids, and the ones with primary custody are just amazing in my book.
We all know that you love your SD. I think you are doing a great thing.
I've followed your story for quite a while and believe that you're a wonderful SM. You've built a loving relationship with this little girl and been such a positive force in her life, alternately encouraging and protecting her.
don't see you as "power hungry" however by virtue of SD's living in your house, you have a lot of responsibility for her and although not "mom", do quite a bit of mothering. It's actually a selfless act to love another child as your own and act on her behalf when you don't get the same 'status' as would a BM and when there will always be some one questioning your motives for doing so. It absolutely makes sense to want to have some control in a situation for which you do have so much responsibility and so much of your life invested.
Hang in there...
Honey: you're the pracher, I am the choir.
I feel EXACTLY the same way as you. I don't want to replace our BM, either, but there are blatant things she's blown off throughout SS's schooling & extracurriculars... you are in no way a bad SM for having concerns that you vent your conerns and thoughts to us- it's what we're here for, and I think to bottle that stuff up would in turn make you a more miserable & unhappy SM in the long run... at least you have the desrie to offer SD stability whereas her own mother doesn't or can't... amen for all SM's that care so much about their SC that they can be honest with what they moan about from time to time.