Baby Showers
So I understand hosting your own shower is rude...
because you are throwing a party for people to give you gifts. But isn't that exactly what a wedding is, a party for people to give you gifts?
Both are parties to celebrate monumental events in our lives. In fact, as much as I loved my wedding and it will be one of the best days of my life, welcoming my child into the world will be THE best day of my life.
We share our wedding days with others to celebrate our love and start of a lifetime with our partners. We have baby showers to share the joys of welcoming a child into the world.
I guess I don't see what the big deal is when people throw their own shower when they don't have someone else to do it.
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Re: So I understand hosting your own shower is rude...
Do you throw your own bridal shower?
I didn't have a wedding or get married to get gifts or money, I got married because I love my DH & want to spend the rest of my life with him. I invited my friends & family because I wanted them to celebrate our love & commitment, not to bring us gifts. Sure people do give you gifts, but it's certainly not a requirement, their presence is all that is truly needed.
If it's like you claim that it is then, bridal showers should be done away with because then people are 'expected' to get you two gifts rather than the one for the shower.
Wow. I did not view my wedding this way. It was NOT a 'party for people to give us gifts.' We made a commitment to each other in a very sacred and meaningful way and wanted our friends and family to be there to witness it. Gifts, in case you didn't know, are not requirements for weddings. As a matter of fact, I know for sure there are some friends and family members that didn't buy us anything and we didn't care in the least.
Having a baby is certainly a wonderful, meaningful thing that you want to share with others. I doubt you want them all in your delivery room (I sure as heck don't!), but the baby shower is NOT akin to a wedding. Hosting a "Meet the baby" party (which we frequently suggest on this board) is a wonderful way to celebrate your new baby with your friends and family and is totally appropriate. At this party, you welcome guests into your home to meet your miracle and celebrate with them. Guests again do NOT have to bring gifts b/c, just like for a wedding, the event is not about the gifts; it's about the new life you've welcomed into the world.
Did you throw your own bridal shower and ask people to buy you gifts for it? Unlikely. That's the parallel here, NOT the wedding.
The point is simply non-negotiable. It is rude and tacky
Seriously
Basic etiquette dictates this
The point of a baby "shower" is literally to "shower" the mother-to-be with gifts. It is beyond rude to host your own event in which the mere title of the event dictates that gifts will be expected
I think it's great for new mom's to have a "meet the baby" party when the baby arrives, or a couples dinner party in honor of the baby before it's born, or something of that nature. There are other options you can do, and that is perfectly fine
To host your own baby shower is like asking people to buy you gifts, and that is simply tacky. There is absolutely no way around it
To each their own, but if you decide to go this route, please understand that most people will have ill perceptions of the event
If someone fails to step up and offer to throw you a shower, then you are sh!t outta luck. Too bad, but it is a gift that someone will choose to give you, or you will go without. No one "deserves" a shower, it is an offer of generosity from a friend/family member/co-worker
To compare a baby shower to a wedding is just even beyond words. If you cannot grasp the difference of the two events, wow, I simply have no words
Wow. Waaaay off.
First, my wedding wasn't a "party", it was a sacred sacrament/ceremony in which my husband and I made vows in front of God and our family and friends so they could therefore hold us accountable for those vows. Second, the reception was a celebration that required no gift to attend. We did not open gifts at the reception, whereas a shower's purpose is basically to open the gifts you are given. It is given by people FOR you because they want to "shower" you with love, support and (sure!) gifts.
Also (just a random thought), not everyone hosts their own wedding. For example, my parents hosted mine- not that it matters, I just realized that.
wife to joe 2.2.08. mama to noah 9.5.09.
After multiple m/c's, a MTHFR diagnosis and the Lord calling both of our hearts in the same direction, we're adopting!
theluckiest
There are so many things wrong with this post I don't even know where to start. I will just cover a few..
But isn't that exactly what a wedding is, a party for people to give you gifts? Seriously? If this is all your wedding was, I feel sorry for your and your DH...must be a craptastic marriage. A baby shower does not = a wedding it = a bridal shower. Both are parties specifically to help out the new bride/mother. They are gift grabs. If you want to celebrate the birth of your child you do not throw yourself a shower, you have a come meet the baby party after your baby is born. If you don't see what the big deal is when people throw their own shower when they don't have someone else to do it Then I cannot help you.
i've never been to a baby shower that had a huge sit down meal, a dance floor and dj/band, a 4-hour long party where you're dressed in your best, or that cost thousands upon thousands of dollars.
wedding and baby showers are like apples and oranges.
Are you serious? You're comparing a WEDDING to a baby shower? They aren't even in the same league.
A wedding shower and a baby shower- yes, the same thing. And the same rule applies. You can't throw your own wedding shower either.
While many people do buy wedding gifts, they are not required and GETTING MARRIED in no way says "you have to buy me a gift".
It's amazing to me that you seriously see a wedding in this light.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
OMG. Some people....
Seriously. No one HAS to have a shower. The hosting your own shower thing makes me want to puke.
I'm with AndreaW on this one.
Ideally, would friends or family be able to handle the entire financial burden of a shower? Yes. But that's just not the case sometimes. I would venture to say, it's not the case most of the time.
Now, some of you might say "well, you shouldn't have a shower beyond what the hostess could afford." True. But sometimes, there's no way to cut down an invite list to less than 15. Some new moms have more than 15 people that want to celebrate her baby.
I think there's a fine line with "hosting" and "paying" for. Just to bring weddings back into the loop. The person(s) hosting the wedding, isn't always the person paying for the wedding.
Though there can be a fine line between hosting and paying, I think there's a big difference between "I'm helping out with A,B,C and paying for X,Y,Z for my shower" and "I'm doing everything with no one's help" Hope that makes sense.
Ummm...no. It is not a shower for the baby. It is a shower for the mother and/or father. The circumstances you are describing suck, true, but there is NEVER a reason for you to host your own baby shower. I enjoyed mine and would have been sad to not have one but if no one could afford to/ or didn't want to throw me one, I would have never thrown one for myself. And no, hosting your own shower is not better than not having one at all. What is wrong with you people? How do you not see how wrong this is?
Ridiculous. The fact that you WANT more than 15 people there doesn't mean you CAN'T invite fewer than 15.
Ummm?YES it is a shower for the baby. Or it would be called a ?Mother and Father Shower? not a ?BABY Shower.? Its all baby junk and stuff for BABY. As tempted as I was to put a Playstation 3 for the hubbs on the registry and a new iPod touch for myself, I remembered it is for the BABY. Baby showers help out tremendously with all of the items a baby needs, and many people (family and friends and acquaintances) WANT to participate in helping to meet the needs. The bottom line is soo many people are on extreme ends of the Baby Shower etiquette spectrum, but you have to do what YOU feel is right. I have co-workers and other friends asking ?when is your shower?? What do I say? Well, since my closest friends are broke and can?t afford their mortgage?I?m not having one. Yeah. There are sneaky ways around hosting your own shower?call yourself a ?silent partner? if you will, but I think every new first-time mom should have one regardless?for HER BABY.
Clearly, there is nothing we can say to help you since you're having to restrain yourself from registering for things you want. If people want to participate and buy you gifts, they can do so by either a) hosting a shower for you or b) sending you gifts even if you don't have a shower. I've received some small items from relatives who aren't even invited to my shower (they live far away) b/c they want to help. When someone asks when your shower is, you just say "actually, no one has offered to throw one for me yet." This provides the person with an opportunity to offer to do so, and frequently, that's what happens.
As per my initial response to this thread, I don't think it's awful for you to help out your friends who are throwing your shower if that help is solicited and welcomed (not dictated). I do think it's ridiculous that you feel so ENTITLED to have a party where people buy things FOR you and baby.
Kidding. I was totally kidding about the PS3 and iPod. Although we did crack a few jokes about how funny it would be to do something like that. I just think it sucks when a new mom does not get a shower for reasons beyond her control. And I really don't think somebody curious to know when your shower is would like to walk into the awkward trap of..."Oooh. Sorry I asked..." It is what it is, and people will do as they wish...and if the Baby Shower etiquette police get invited to one of the self-hosted baby showers...they can politely decline the invite.
And I really don't think somebody curious to know when your shower is would like to walk into the awkward trap of..."Oooh. Sorry I asked..."
The question can be answered, though, in a graceful way that does NOT make the person feel awkward.
"Oh, there isn't one scheduled at this point that I know of! If I do find out that someone is throwing one, I'll let you know. it's so sweet of you to ask!" then you move on.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Sure. Your suggestions sound graceful and tactful. I would definitely NOT say "actually, no one has offered to throw one for me yet." I?m sure all you would hear is crickets.
I?m having a shower ?hosted? by 3 financially struggling ladies, and have offered to help pay for the cost. I just feel so terribly bad for those who are in situations where nobody has offered or everyone just assumes that somebody else is throwing it, family is all out of town, etc... A baby shower is more than just gifts. It's a celebration. I also feel terrible when people don't get acknowledged on their Birthday's or have to spend the Holiday's alone. And those come once every year. That is just me. Not like a new baby for a first-time mother. That comes?well, ONCE.
To clarify, I didn't mean to say that, stop talking, and stare at them waiting for a response, lol. I just meant that it's really easy to respond to that question - you just tell the truth. "Not having an answer" to the question is not an excuse for throwing one's own shower (which we understand you're not doing). For the last time, you can celebrate the baby with a Meet the Baby party instead of a shower as a joyful event to welcome the new addition.
I think you need to come off your high horse and stop thinking your point of view is the ONLY point of view. There is no need to insult others.
Whoa, didn't mean to start a war. Just stating my opinion and asking a question.
I also feel like a shower is meant for the baby, the gifts you are showering are not for the mother they are for the baby.
The point of my post was to ask why it's so inappropriate for someone to throw their own shower, I would honestly not be offended if I got invited to go to a shower hosted by the parents to be.
For the record, I am not throwing my own shower and I did not register for my wedding because I really wanted our wedding to be about us and our love. For my bridal shower it was suggested guests make a donation to their favorite charities or their local humane society rather then bring gifts.
Ummm, some people have more than 15 people that want to shower them with gifts. Guess you have a really small social circle, but it's not the same for everyone.
You have SOOO many people who are dieing to shower you with gifts, but no-one will step up and throw you a shower?
Umm......
With that huge social circle, you'd think at least one friend (or a group of people together) would be willing to host.
I don't think there is anything wrong with throwing a big huge party and inviting everyone to celebrate on your own dime JUST DON'T CALL IT A SHOWER call it "Last big party before the baby comes" or "Last night out before coming parents" or something of that nature, be creative
OR
Host a meet the baby party after the baby is born
If people are going crazy to give you gifts so bad, then they'll get them to you, whether or not you have a shower
It's ridiculously pretentious to think that every one deserves a shower. There is absolutely nothing more pathetic than a mother-to-be hosting her own shower
Throw a huge christening/baptismal party, throw a meet the baby party, throw a dinner party for friends/family before the baby comes
WHATEVER
Just know, if you call it a "shower", snobs like me are going to think you are rude, tacky and pitiable
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
Ha! Sooooo, I guess you're just one of those gals who likes to hear herself speak. Nothing that you just said has ANYTHING to do with what I wrote above. But, hey, if you feel better for typing up everything you just did, good for you.
I'm talking about taking some of the financial burden off of some of the hostesses. I've never said that I'm a mom-to-be throwing my own shower. For the record, I'm on this board b/c I'm helping out with a shower for one of my friends. There are several of us contributing to the shower, including the parents themselves b/c they didn't want us to pay for all of it. It works and no one is judgmental.
Hopefully, a different perspective helped out a few ladies who read this post. There's not always *one* right way for everything and everyone. Happy Weekend to all!
My wedding was a party. A kick ass party at that. Just thought i'd mention it.
No I didn't pay/host for my bridal shower, nor am I paying/hosting my baby shower. It's pretty tasteless I must agree. If you must, just do it silently.
Sorry for getting a little off the subject, but what about just having the shower at your own house? A relative that lives out of town has been the only person to step up so far. Granted, there are relatives in town that would probably open up their house, but I would like to have the shower at my own house. I will not be paying a dime for the actual shower.
Is this tacky?
I don't think there's anything wrong with this at all. It'll make sense to people b/c the person who is hosting is from out-of-town. One thing to consider is if you'll be up to the task of cleaning up before and after. Hopefully, you'll have some help.
1. I agree with at1stsight's response to you.
2. Let me spell this out for you. As an adult, you have made a choice to parent a child. As this parent it is your responsibility to pay for and provide everything your child needs. A baby shower provides much of those things your child needs. Therefore it is for you b/c it is helping you out by you not having to go out and pay for them yourself.
There is a very big need to insult those who think it is ok to throw your own baby shower and that a wedding is just a gift grab. I will stay on my high horse, thank you.
To me a shower constitutes gifts... you are "showered" with presents.. or sprinkled if the case may be. A wedding doesn't mean you will get gifts. As you said, it's a celebration of love and a combining of lives.
"A (baby) shower is intended to help parents get the items they need for their baby."
OK, so I had to add this after I told Dh about this post and the poster wanting to compare a WEDDING to a baby shower. He said that," "If you wanted to follow that line of logic, then while you are screaming and pushing during labor is when everyone should be coming in and dropping off gifts." Since that is the closest comparison you coul have.... the actual wedding to the actual birth.
God, I love how his mind works!
Another perspective:
I honestly couldn't tell you who the host was for any shower I have ever attended.
When I get an invitation I look to see if I can go, who do I tell if I am coming or not and where the guest of honor is registered.
I couldn't care less if it was Little Bo Peep or the Pope.