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Parenting after a Loss
mrs.kcanne
member
long depressing sad vent. crying. :(
mrs.kcanne
member
i just have to vent, and it's okay if no one responds (and i mean that, i've been lurking all day and saw the controversey over the responding thing) i just have to vent because i'm in tears, once again, over trying to put dd to sleep at night.
it's a total nightmare! i just spent 2 hours in her room with her trying to get her to sleep, and yes, she was tired. day care swaddles her still and they say she loves it. i do it and she screams bloody murder until i try and take her arms out thinking that'll do the trick - nope. i try and soothe her in the crib - not having it. i resort to swaddling her again, thinking maybe she'll relax - no go. seriously, I've spent so many hours in that glider, in her room trying to get her to sleep, it just kills me. I end up crying just holding her or have to put her down and walk away because i can feel myself getting simultaneously angry and heartbroken because i have a difficult child that is so hard to deal with at night. we do not believe in CIO (no offense to anyone out there) so that is NOT an option for us, so please don't suggest that. i just need a place to vent and cry since my husband is OOT right now, and doesn't fully appreciate how much this saga takes out of me even when he is here. it really just kills my spirit and makes me feel so insecure about my lack of ability as a mom with her. what did I do wrong in the last 8 months that she's so difficult? sometimes i feel like the only one still struggling with this.
and let's not even get into her sleeping - she sleeps terrible most of the time. waking MULTIPLE times in a night, like 5 times a night. I re-insert the paci and that seems to work for 2-3 of the wakings but I'm nursing her at least twice because there is just no other soothing her at all. she's never ever been the type to be soothed back to sleep easily. it's just killing me, all of it. after 2 hours of stress trying to put her to sleep i get to look forward to her waking up in 1.5 - 2 hours and the cycle begins and i feel like a wreck because i'm getting such awful sleep.
okay, i'm going to go crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep now because i'm feeling so sorry for myself and depressed about this whole situation. there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel right now because tooth #4 is giving her serious trouble, but we all know the teething never ends, we get brief breaks, but it sucks big time for most of the time it seems. if you read this entire thing, you get a medal. and thank you.
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Re: long depressing sad vent. crying. :(
I'm sorry! You are not alone. Bed time is not fun and DS is not teething yet!
cute siggy pic!
HUGS to you. ?I'm sorry you are going through sleep battles.
I don't believe in CIO either, but if you are stressed and exhausted it is OK to put DD in her crib and walk away for a few minutes to get your head together. ?Although my DD is a little younger than your daughter here are the things that have worked for us to get us through a sleep strike without CIO.
- The homedics sound spa projector (known as the baby crack machine). ?It projects fish, or stars or something else on the ceiling or wall and plays white noise (ocean, rain and some other stuff). ?We leave it on all night and DD will watch the movement sometimes until she falls back asleep. ?We have nights when the noise is cranked up pretty loud and is annoying to listen to on the monitor.
- We didn't encourage her to use the paci, b/c she kept waking up for it when it fell out. ?Now she doesn't use one at all, so she doesn't miss it.
- Co sleeping. ?I wasn't initally a fan, but there are some nights when she is sick or teething that it is the only thing that gets her to sleep.
- Adjusting the temp in our house, it was hard to find the right temp and what pjs to have her wear.?
Please vent away that is what we are here for!!?
I'm so sorry sweetie!! (((BIG HUGS)))
Have you tried reading any of the non-CIO sleep books? What about co-sleeping, would that help at all?
I read the No Cry Sleep Solution - personally I didn't find it that helpful. I've tried co-sleeping - she wasnt down. Just fussed and screamed. I wish that had been the ticket.
Thanks. I do just walk away from her sometimes on nights like this,and when DH is home sometimes I just walk away and say "good luck, it's your turn" and let him deal with her.
We have the homedics soundspa without the projector (just the rain etc sounds). I may just bite the bullet and buy the baby crack version in addition and see if that helps. She seems to be the type that would be amused and more alert by something like that- like it's a toy, instead of soothing, ya know?
I wish she wasn't a paci girl. i don't know how to break that i guess.
see response to sissy about co-sleeping. DD hasn't tolerated it when I've tried.
Adjusting the temp - hmmm, do you suggest keeping it on the cooler side?
i'm so sorry
if it makes you feel any better (and it probably won't) - i didn't sleep through the night until i was 2 years old. to say that i was a difficult baby would be an understatement! i think i turned out OK (patting myself on the back here), and just as importantly i have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents, particularly my mother.
i hope in a few years you'll look back at these times and laugh. or at least it will all be worth it because you'll have a gorgeous little girl who loves her mommy very much!
big HUGS to you!
Surgery for ectopic pregnancy June 3, 2008
******
BFP #2 September 25, 2008
Baby boy born June 4, 2009 at 40 weeks
8 pounds 13 ounces and 23 inches
******
BFP #3 February 6, 2011
First U/S February 25, 2011 = TWINS!!!
Boy/girl twins born October 4, 2011
I've been lurking a little...Katie, you are SO NOT ALONE. and you're a great mom and have done NOTHING wrong. As everyone knows, C is an awful sleeper and I have been in your shoes with night times. If you email me, I'll send you what I used (it took a little over a month) to teach him how to go to sleep. It really, really helped me and it might help you. It doesn't help him stay asleep but now I can get him to sleep in less than 15 minutes, rather than over an hour.
perea.j@gmail.com
((hugs))
I've actually thought about that before. I think part of my pride gets in the way, like "hi, i'm a totally incompetent parent at putting my daughter to sleep, but she seems to love you guys, can i come watch?" i may have to reconsider. however, i have asked them to describe IN DETAIL how it works for them. i've tried doing what they say they do (literally swaddle her up and walk her over to the crib and lay her down with very little gliding/rocking). It did not work for me.
thanks. YGM.
thanks. I try to remind myself of these things, it's just so difficult to stay positive when you're in the moment/hell.
Hon, the reason it works for daycare and not you is because you are Mommy Boob Lady (That's what Mr. Skat calls me). To your DD, you there to nurse her and calm her.
I don't believe in CIO it either and the Ferber book still changed our lives. It used to take us 45 minutes + to rock, jiggle and bounce these guys to sleep. The Ferber book helped us understand what was going on, and after the second night we were able to finish the last bottle/nursing session, walk around or read to them for a few minutes, and then put them in the crib and walk away. I never could have thought it possible. It changed our lives, seriously.
I won't push it, but its really worth a read. :-)
Oh, honey. That is tough. Especially with your DH OOT.
((hugs))
Sometimes taking a breather is the best thing. Nothing wrong with walking away so you can compose yourself.
Can you cosleep? That would probably solve a lot of it temporarily and give you both some better sleep. Then you can work on the rest of it.
We cosleep but Andrew takes his naps in the crib and usually spends part of the night in his crib. Nursing in the side lying position is great. Andrew barely wakes up and goes right back to sleep. And me too!
I highly recommend The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She's obviously not CIO but gives sound methods to get your child to sleep longer and go to sleep easier. She has methods for BF, paci use, co sleep, crib sleep, or combo. She also has methods to transition from cosleep to crib.
I am sooooo sorry you are going through this right now. Maggie does the same things but only about half the time. It is so frustrating because I can't figure out the differences on the nights that she goes to sleep ok. Most nights she fights it so much. She even jerks herself awake when she starts falling asleep. Sorry, didn't mean to start venting, I hope that her 4th tooth comes in soon and that she turns into a good sleeper very soon.
I"m so sorry. I hope things get better for you soon.
Do you give her motrin or tylenol or teething tablets before bed? She might be waking up because she's in pain?
And what are you dressing her in? Avery sleeps in a onesie and has a blanket but i can't put her in sleepers any more because she is really hot natured and sweats if she's in more than the onesie for the summer.
BIG HUGS
ugh. I am living your parallel life! I am at a loss too. The pedi. is condisending towards me, saying that it's the monster I created (nice, huh? but not in those exact words) and that I need to cut out night feedings.
well, Jacob was up 5x last night! and ate each time. some nights he goes right back into his crib, not last night. every 1/2 hour he was up looking to be comforted.
sorry to hi-jack your post. I am miserable this morning. I am making the transition to formula starting today, and I hope that it helps some of our sleep issues.
i read the whole thing and can relate. Lots of hugs - sleep is hard!! Know that you aren't doing anything wrong nor is your DD "difficult"! As you said she is teething and that is harder than any of us will ever know. Plus she's learning and growing and all that affects sleep.
My DD1 was the same and we didn't want to resort to CIO. That's just how we wanted to handle things. I read the No Cry Sleep Solution and other methods to "sleep train" that did not involve CIO and we muddled through. I was nursing too so it was hard. Once your DH gets back, sit down and get him involved so you don't have to get up every time.
The only advice I have is that it does pass - believe me my DD1 is 3.5 and sleeps great. And just give that little one lots of hugs and kisses while you can. You're doing great - hang in there!
Go Steelers!
Go Steelers!