Kind of Angry At The World
CaptainSerious
member
Hi Everybody,
I just wanted to let you all know that I'm not posting a bunch because it's very hard for me to be positive right now. I am trying to check in every now and then, and am so happy for those of you who are moving closer to bringing your little ones home.
As for me, we're meeting with the psychologist tonight to explain what we need from her: basically a letter explaining that we've never TTC, and have no reason to think we're incapable of having a child biologically, but are committed to this adoption because we want to parent a child without a loving family and home. Oh, and the letter has to explain that we do not have any phobias about biological children, because the Peruvian authorities can't fathom why else we'd choose to go down this path. Funny thing is...this line of questioning is starting to make me wonder why we would, too.
At the same time, I've been researching adopting from foster care. We have been contemplating a domestic adoption of an older child while we await our referral from Peru (assuming we're not denied for being "fertile"). But I've been repeatedly told that it's not uncommon for families to wait (after homestudy and PRIDE classes) well over a year (sometimes longer than 3 years) to have a child placed with them for adoption from foster care.
I just don't understand. You repeatedly hear about how many children are waiting. I can't understand why it takes so long to place these children when there are plenty of parents who are approved, and hoping and praying to welcome them into their families. It's all just bureaucratic BS, and it's making me lose my faith in humanity.
So, Peru won't let us TTC or adopt a newborn, we're waiting about 3 years for their referral, and it seems we won't be able to adopt from foster care (because any child would have to be in our home for at least a year prior to our receiving a referral from Peru). It seems we're locked in on all sides. And all we wanted to do was welcome a child into our family. I just don't get it.
Re: Kind of Angry At The World
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I wish I had some words of wisdom or comfort, but I am thinking about you and hoping that your child comes to you, one way or another, and soon.
Please do keep us posted on how things go with the psychologist. I for one am anxious to hear about that.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I can't even imagine--you have my deepest sympathy (and empathy).
It shouldn't be this hard, but often it is. So much for the "just adopt" folks.
I hope you find some peace soon.
I am so sorry to hear that things are not working out very well. I can't imagine being in your position. I empathize with how hard it must be to be happy for everyone else, when you feel like you're not making any progress...it's hard to be joyful for someone else when you're hurting inside. :::LONG DISTANCE HUG:::
I agree with Fred, I would re-check that information that you're hearing...or look into other agencies in your area to see why one is particularly longer than others. Now, are you thinking about doing foster care to adopt, or just adopting straight from the foster care system? I know in our area, (I don' t speak for others) adopting out of the foster care system, CAN take time, because it's treated like domestic adoption of infants, except instead of a birth mother going through profiles, a committee goes through the profiles, etc. They want to disrupt the children the least amount of times in case of a failed placement.
Personally, we are doing foster to adopt, which we have been told that if all goes well we should start receiving placements shortly after we're licensed, and then it's just a waiting game until we find that "perfect" situation where we're allowed to adopt.
Hang in there!
(((hugs))) I'm so sorry. Sometimes I think doors close to us so that we see another is was meant to be. I hope you find your door real soon
One day, I know, you will look back on this hard time with your LO in your arms and realize - it had to be that way in order for you to meet each other.
I know it's hard but try to stay positive.
~B~
Ugh....boy, you are being challenged. I am so sorry, CS....I can't imagine how frustrated you feel right now. Sending a hug your way.....
My heart is aching for you. However, I can tell you from experience that if you are willing to foster/adopt an older child, the wait is real short. We were approved and while the social worker was doing the last home study, she had a picture of J with her. We met him three days after we were approved. Jo came to us less than four months after we finalized J. S has taken longer, however. But older children( over 3) are abundant in the system
Kat
mommy to Je and Jo through foster care and waiting to finalize S