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2nd Trimester
NBR:how to help a single friend
One of my good friends is coming over tonight. She actually set me up with my husband! (they worked together). She is 38-hasn't dated anyone seriously in over 10 years. Wants a family, but the clock is a ticking.
Her father just passed a few months ago. She is living back at home with her mother, which doesn't really help the dating scene, if you know what I mean.
She won't go online (she feels it is too desperate, even though all of us have gone online!! I dated a few people, it just happens I was lucky enough to have her introduce me to my husband, who was also online looking!). And, most of her friends now are younger than her (I'm almost 28) So I don't have anyone I know who is in her age range.
And of course, she is uber picky. I honestly don't think she is in the right frame of mind right now to be seriously looking. Her career goals are nil...she just does the same thing over and over, and her self esteem is so bad...no matter what we try to do! I wish she would talk with someone professionally, but that suggestion went over like a bomb too..
Any ideas??
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Re: NBR:how to help a single friend
Socializing foster puppies since 2009
Chart for TTC#2
This... I've got a friend in a similar situation, except she does go online, but any guys that she actually meets are complete trash. I don't know what to do either.
Well, like you said, she is not in a position to date right now, anyways.
I would focus on helping her create some personal/career goals. Once she starts seeing some progress there, she will get a spring in her step and meet people with similar interests through those activities. She needs to be mentally healthy and happy with herself before she can really meet a good match, anyways.
Either way, she will be happier for it. And I am betting she will attract more attention once she becomes more confident and driven.
I always tell people, if you want a husband, buy a house. When you start living out your dreams, and take the focus off finding a person to fulfill your need for happiness, you become more attractive all around, and you attract the right kind of guys, too.
Just my .02, though.
I agree. She hates her job, she's "looked" for a house, half heartedly, but she looks at my other friend and I and say "oh, you lucked out! Well, in some ways, yes, but in other ways-no. My job was always important to me, and I found running and rollerblading stuff-clubs, etc to be involved with! She just doesn't get involved in anything! We've tried...but we can only push her so far!
I absolutely agree that when you are attractive to yourself, you attract the right kind of guys.
She actually "dated" one of my friends. Ten year difference, plus this guy was totally immature. I didn't set them up, they just met up at one of my fun old get togethers.I knew it was not a good idea, but I knew saying something wouldn't do any good either.
Needless to say, she and he had different expectations! He told her straight off he just was looking for "fun". She didn't get it! And she called me and kept asking me how I could be friends with someone like that. I just kind of told her "well, I know not to expect anything from him!" My other friend was encouraging her to try it with this guy (and I didn't know this!). It was such a bad situation...It shouldn't have been,but sigh!!!!
Like you said, if she was comfortable with herself, she would have attracted the right kind of guys!!
sounds like my older sister.
My younger sister and I have been trying to figure out what to do with/for her for the longest time. I think it's just something that she has to want badly enough for herself that she's willing to put some effort in to. I wish I could make her stop being lazy and picky and just have fun finding Mr. Right... but that never seems to be the case.