I'm not sure how you mean, but I have had and am still having a really hard time with my girls being really sad about it all. And, trying to explain what happened. My four year old was asking all the time right after it happened if I loved the baby enough, why couldn't the baby come be with us. If I can help, let me know.
DD(9)DD(5.5)DS(3)DS(born 2/1/11) July 2006, lost a baby at 8 weeks, natural miscarriage , May 2009 lost Zoe Eliana at 17 weeks no reason known, possible under developed organs. Lost two more babies in September 2009 at 7 wks 4 days. Had myomectomy surgery to remove a large fibroid in November 2009.
Both I guess... my emotions are out of control right now, and coincidentally so is my 4 year old. We were in the hospital from Thursday until Sunday and my inlaws and mom really let go of the rules (his scheduled night time, candy all the time, sleeping with him at night) so he feels out of hand right now. And I'm so sad because every time I look at him I see my daughter.
I did have that right after my loss. Most days I felt like I was suffocating. It's really hard to put on a strong face in front of your children when you are aching inside. I also secluded myself from everyone, I didn't want anyone coming over or my kids going anywhere, I just wanted to be here with them, alone. I know that when he is getting a little crazy, because you are already going through something so difficult, it's going to make things that much harder. I think it's going to take some more time, it all just happened for you, it's brand new. There is still alot for you to work through. I'm sure that he is sensing how you are feeling too, which possibly makes things for him alittle more difficult. Just take it slow, he will adjust back into his routine and things will get easier. Take breaks if you can, or if you need to. I'm thinking of you all the time. Hugs.
DD(9)DD(5.5)DS(3)DS(born 2/1/11) July 2006, lost a baby at 8 weeks, natural miscarriage , May 2009 lost Zoe Eliana at 17 weeks no reason known, possible under developed organs. Lost two more babies in September 2009 at 7 wks 4 days. Had myomectomy surgery to remove a large fibroid in November 2009.
I just saw your post over on PAL. I can't even imagine what you are dealing with. Can you get your mom or IL's to come back and help while you are there and get things with your son back on track schedule wise? having them there might also give you some support and breaks right now. Someone on the other board suggested a counselor/therapist. I totally agree with that. You have so much on your plate right now and talking to a neutral party could really help. Still, IMO, it's so early and you (and your son) need to grieve.
For me it is hard to bond with my baby. I keep thinking that if one could be taken away from me there is nothing stoping the other from going too. It does and doesnt help that my boys were identical so it is like I am looking at Caleb everytime I look at Cole. It is hard to be a happy mom when your depressed.
I had a very hard time doing anything after my loss.. I have two DD's ages 13 yrs and 4 yrs. I disconnected myself from them for a few days.. Thankfully they were both still in school so I was alone during the day.. But after awhile it helped me stay busy. I had to be their mom and couldnt just worry about myself. It forced me to get up from underneath the covers (where I really wanted to stay) and get moving to get things done for them.
It helped me cope. But in the beginning it was very difficult...
Btw, did the hospital give you any books to read to your 4yo about the loss? I got two books that were excellent in explaining to her what had happened, although I teared up reading them to her..
(((HUGS)))
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I definately am having a hard time. Im trying to be strong for my DD (2) because she senses when im hurt/sad. I feel like I can't grieve the way i feel i need to , I cant cry the way i want to, because im a SAHM and cant have her see me like that. Its so hard to see her beautiful little face and wonder how great of a big sister she would have been. I know I can always "try again" but its not like I lost the lotto and my luck ran out. It doesnt work like that. Once we try again and when we do get pg again, I will feel like im walking on egg shells for the first tri. I shouldnt feel that way, nor should my daughter see me feel that way. Its such a catch 22 situation. Its not good to bottle up emotions, but at the same time, I know I have to be strong for my DD.
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i had a really hard time b/c i just couldn't handle my son after the c/s and after everything that happened. i felt so bad but i just couldn't be around him, my emotions were out of control. i'm finally starting to feel back on w/ him again. i'm starting to heal physically so that's helped alot.
8.15.07 NATHAN
6.13.09 - 6.14.09 WYATT born 32w3d Gone too soon, RIP.
4.21.10 BFP - missed m/c - D&C on 5.27.10.
1.31.11 BFP - 1st cycle IUI + Follistim + Trigger (2 mature follies)Beta 1 @ 13dpiui: 199 Beta 2 @ 15dpiui: 527
10.7.11 ELIANA(Ellie)ROSE (39w3d)Team Green turned Team Pink - VBAC & ALL NATURAL 6lbs 11oz 19 &1/2in
Yes. I'm six weeks out from my stillbirth, and it's getting harder, not easier. I'm not sure what to say to you, since I'm not sure what to do for myself. I know, that's not what you're looking for, but I can at least tell you that I feel your frustration and pain.
m/c feb 07 ~ m/c twins oct 08 ~ Duncan Thomas: born to heaven 5/19/09 - m/c jan 11
Re: Is anyone having a hard time parenting after a loss?
I had a very hard time doing anything after my loss.. I have two DD's ages 13 yrs and 4 yrs. I disconnected myself from them for a few days.. Thankfully they were both still in school so I was alone during the day.. But after awhile it helped me stay busy. I had to be their mom and couldnt just worry about myself. It forced me to get up from underneath the covers (where I really wanted to stay) and get moving to get things done for them.
It helped me cope. But in the beginning it was very difficult...
Btw, did the hospital give you any books to read to your 4yo about the loss? I got two books that were excellent in explaining to her what had happened, although I teared up reading them to her..
(((HUGS)))
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