custody exchange with BM and info I wanted to pass along.
sabrina69barnes
member
Earlier DH and BM had made a verbal agreement to change the week they got the kids in the summer for things to work better with BM's schedule. Accroding to this agreement the paperwork says that DH gets two weeks ending yesterday. Accroding to the paperwork DH gets two weeks ending next sunday. DH and BM and never agreed on when they would exchanged the kids at the end. A week ago DH told BM that she would have to drive to our house to get the kids. This is what the paperwork says even though then rarely do it. They couldn't agree on a time and BM got pissy and said that they would just have to follow the paperwork which would mean next sunday not this sunday. DH said ok but before he could clarify what the paperwork said she hung up. They talked later in the week but when DH asked if she wanted to talk about picking up the kids she said no.
I thought it was possible that she might show up yesterday but didn't really think it was likely. DH was at work. He got a message at 6:15 saying BM was running late. At almost 7 she and an officer came to my door. I meet at the police station for custody exchanges with BF so I already knew this officer pretty well and knew he was very nice and fair. After reading the paperwork and talking to both BM and I he said that BM was wrong and according to the paperwork it wasn't her time with the kids. If DH were to refuse to allow her to have the kids the only thing she could do is file for custody interference, go to court, and they would only care about the paperwork so she would be wasting her time. Then he said that because DH wasn't at home and I have no legal rights to the kids that I can not legally refuse to allow BM to pick up the kids regardless of what the custody schedule says. He did say that if DH were to leave work and come home and he thought DH was on his way then we could wait to do anything until DH came home and he could then refuse letting BM have the kids.
Long story short the officer worded things to BM to make it sound like DH was comming home and wouldn't be handing the kids over so she might as well leave if she didn't want to wait outside in the heat for the hour it would take DH to get home. He didn't really lie but he did word things in a way that BM thought he was saying something different from what he was actually saying.
After she left the officer and I talked for a little bit. He said that DH needs to change our paperwork so that it not only says that I can handle custody exchanges but that it also says that I can act on DH's behaf with regards to the kids when he isn't here so that I would have the legal right to refuse to allow BM to have the kids. Without this in the paperwork and depending on the cop that is there, if I refuse to allow BM to have the kids then I could get arrested. The officer also said that another way to avoid this is to not answer my door if she comes when she isn't suppossed to be here even if there is also an officer outside.
We are going to court on Thursday to change our paperwork anyway but I did want to pass this along in case anyone else was even in a similar situation.
Re: custody exchange with BM and info I wanted to pass along.
Wow what a pain! I didn't think stepparents had rights regardless. I had POA over SD when DH was deployed but it didn't help me at all when BM illegally crossed state lines with SD and didn't come back for 6 months. BM threatens to call the police on me if she learns that I'm alone with SD, she did that last year when I took SD to the playground and DH was at work. Maybe it differs in each state, but I don't think I am ever legally allowed to deny BM picking up SD.
You're lucky you knew that cop...hmmmm maybe we should befriend some cops in our neighborhood!
the part that bothers me is that the kids were there. Even if they were not standing at the door with you listening to the conversation , they must have HEARD stuff.
not a good thing.
Step parents have rights if they are included in the paperwork. I am a stepmom to 3 kids and have full legal rights to make the same parenting decisions DH does (and BM DID before she freaked out). I sign the kids enrollment papers for school, I take them to the doc and have signed for treatment, etc. I know in Illinois as long as you are an "acting legal guardian" during the time they are in your care, you can act on DH's behalf.
Thank you for all of this info- we have a pretty wacky relationship with BM (when she decides she wants to be around) and I could totally see her doing something like this.
What do you have to do to get your name on the paperwork? Does BM have to agree to let you have legal gardian rights?
Thankfully they had no idea the she was even here or what was going on. We talked mostly on our front porch and the kids were in the basement playing with toys. After she left the did come upstairs and saw the officer but DS usually sees him twice a week so they just thought that DS's "friend" William stopped by for a visit. He also gave them plastic badges so they thought that was pretty cool.
We have just begun our custody case with BM, and one of the things we want added to the new paperwork is that I can drop/pick up SD from school and regular things like that. BM freaks out on me all the time about petty stuff, just over the weekend she threw a fit because I took SD to get her bangs trimmed since they were in her eyes, BM was mad because that is a mother's job and I had no right...mind you SD's dad said it was fine for me to take her but apparently I'm supposed to ask BM about things like that. LOL!