Stay at Home Moms
chile_chicken
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DH wants me to stay home
chile_chicken
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I know I am only early into my pregnancy, but DH has made it very clear that he would like me to stay at home to raise our children. However, I am already feeling incredibly guilty about the fact that this means less money. I do not want to end up feeling like I have to rely on my husband for everything, and I do not want him to end up resenting me. At the same time, I would love to stay at home to look after my children as my mother was a SAHM and I loved having her around. Has anyone else felt guilty about this? I feel like I am torn between providing family time for my child, and providing money for our family, and with the job I currently work in I cannot really compromise and do both.
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Re: DH wants me to stay home
go and do a trial run now while you are pregnant. best advice i can give.
bank your entire salary into savings. live on one salary. do exactly like it would be when you SAH after baby comes. and get into a routine now. spending, savings, etc. make a budget- show what is coming in and what is going out. see how it goes. see how you feel with the reduced income now.
and be open and communicate with your dh about how you feel. because money is only ONE aspect with SAH. there are a lot of other challenges. however this one is really the only one you can 'prepare' for by doing a dry run. GL
I soo thought that's how I would feel while I was PG. I discussed it with DH about things like I felt like he's essentially be buying his own Christmas/Birthday etc presents and he told me that's not how he viewed it. He views us as a partnership and we're both working towards the goals of our family.
Once DS got here my guilt over not contibuting financially when out the window. I've never worked as hard as I do now and I wouldn't trade it for the world but I'm not even a very good housekeeper and I certainly contribute to our family by providing love and great care to our son.
DS 09/2008
My husband and I decided that I would stay home during pregnancy and after our baby is born. I felt guilty, too, about not contributing financially. I feel like I have to keep the house immaculate in order to be doing my part. But like the other ladies have said, he views it differently. He wants me to rest and take it easy because carrying and caring for our baby is a huge job in itself! I felt like I would have to rely on him for everything, too. We opened another checking acct for me to use, so I don't have to feel like I'm getting an allowance. And I don't want us to resent each other either, so everytime I feel like I'm not contributing as much as he is, I tell him. We always talk about this issue and it makes me feel better. So just make sure you keep communicating and telling him how you feel about it. Good luck w everything!
-Brooke
Well with maternity leave like that, it sounds like you have plenty of time to think it through! (so jealous!)
I never planned to SAH. I always thought I'd go back to work fulltime.
But I just couldn't do it. When it was time to be looking at daycares, I just started crying and couldn't stop. However, I was very lucky in that my boss had mentioned that he was open to the possibility of job-sharing and/or working part time from home even before DD arrived. So I took him up on that offer and had DD with me fulltime until she was almost 9mo old. After that I put her in part-time care 15 hours per week (3 days, 5 hours each) - which I did get teary over, but NOTHING like the emotional wreck I was at 3mo. At 18mo I moved her up to 3 full days of daycare a week. And again, that was even easier. I do not feel guilty for having her in daycare at this point, and if she had to go fulltime I could handle that too - but again it has to do with her age and the fact that she can tell me if she is happy or not.
There was an adjustment to the idea that I was not contributing financially like I could be. We had maintained seperate bank accounts for 4 years until DD was born and we merged them all completely (I had some money merger issues to begin with), but it was never a big deal to DH.
But now business is slow and I'm essentially laid off until it picks up again (probably September). I've reduced DD's daycare hours down to 10hr/week... and yes, I do feel a bit guilty about not contributing financially even the little bit that I was. So I feel the need to pick up the slack and do SOMETHING to pull my weight - so I'm pushing myself a bit to tackle some extra projects around the house and to save money. DH has commented on it and says I don't need to, but I feel like I need to.
It has been hard for me too, as I actually earned more than DH when I was working. At the same time, me staying home has done wonders for our older children, and I feel like it has made a big difference for our baby. Plus, I hate the thought of having to take her to someone else all day, even if it's family.
Maybe you could learn how to do medical transcription or some other work at home job while you're pregnant, so that you're still at home, but able to earn some money once the baby is born?
I agree with this 100%. It is exactly what DH and I did as soon as we found out we were pregnant. We lived off his salary and put everything I made into our savings. It will show you whether or not you will be able to live off one salary and what your lifestyle will have to be like.
Also, make sure you communicate with each other. I have days where I feel guilty about not making money and "helping" financially, especially since we pay about $300/mo in student loans for me. DH loves that I SAH and always tells me to quit feeling like it is his money because I am contributing so much by staying home, taking care of our DD, cooking, cleaning, etc.