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NSAIF related: I'm disgusted & Appalled... WWYD
Never a dull moment in my life...
So this weekend something awful happened and I am frankly disgusted by it... Saturday night DH & his buddy go to a local bar...No big deal, I enjoyed the evening of TV control. When it was time for the bar to close (about 12:00) Dh called me, I offered to pick them up since they were right around the corner and I was awake. He said no need and that they were bringing people home with them to get in our pool... Um no! I told DH that I did not want strange people that had been drinking in our pool or at our house... DH was pretty drunk and my statements were not really getting through to him (totally differnt arguement, he got blasted for that). Then he tells me that his buddy is bringing 2 girls back with him! NO WAY IN HELL!!! I told DH that they better not or I would totally embarrass them and cause a scene. Here's what makes it even worse... DH's friend... married, 2 kids! His wife was out of town for the weekend! Well, long story short (this can get extrememly long!) When they come home DH comes in the house by himself, I asked where his buddy was and he said let him be... At this point I'm angry and fired up so I go looking for him. I caught him fooling around (not getting into details but gross!) with some stupid girl in her car parked in MY DRIVEWAY!!! Well, I banged on the window and said what do you think your wife and kids would say if they saw what you are doing!!! He covered his face.. um yeah, like I did not already see you stupid! Well, when he composed himself and came into our house to get his stuff I let him have it, I was disgusted by his behavior and I was mad that he put me in this situation. He tried to tell me that his marriage and personal life was none of my business... um when it takes place at my house it's my business you moron! I kept saying to him... how am I supposed to look your wife in the face knowing what you've done. Ugh, I never would have thought he would do something like that. Now he's terrified that I'm going to tell her. I'm not, it's not my place. I feel for her, but I don't want her thinking that I am trying to break up their marriage. I can tell you one thing though... DH will never be allowed out with him with out me present. I really don't want him around DH ever again!
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Re: NSAIF related: I'm disgusted & Appalled... WWYD
PCOS, Ectopic & M/C of twins October 2010, Currently TTC #2
Holy cow! This is one of the reasons that I thank God that DH doesn't drink (though, of course, many people do this responsibly). I would have done exactly what you did in the situation, except I would have laid into DH a LOT harder. It was completely disrespectful on his part, let alone the "friend".
Frankly, I'd wonder why DH would be willing to put up with his friend cheating on his wife in your driveway!
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this - I'm mad just thinking about it! I don't know that I have any advice other than that you are doing exactly what I'd be doing - regardless of whether or not it's the "right" thing to do.
That's AWFUL. I'm sorry, but I would at the very least never allow this person in your house again. If he doesn't respect his marriage, he's not going to respect his friends, either.
I say this in the nicest way possible...but you seem to have a LOT of stories about DH, his friends, and drinking out of control.
I think 1) you need to reexamine your friends more and 2) you should really consider going to some al-anon meetings even if your DH isn't ready to admit he has an issue.
agreed......
I'm sorry you had to deal with this.
This! Not only would I be mad at his awful friend, but I would be mad at DH too. I would be so upset if DH thought it was acceptable behavior to let his friend run around and do these things.
I would worry about your baby being exposed to this behavior.
Ditto! Please think about telling her. If I were the wife I would want to know.
Gosh, not the things you want to be dealing with at 20+ weeks pregnant. In addition to your husband's friend's behavior, I'd be seriously concerned about your husband's behavior. I sure hope this doesn't happen when DC arrives.
A) ?MUST question your DH's judgement in remaining friends with such an a$$, at this stage of his life. ?And for going out and getting so hammered, and thinking it OK to invite a gaggle of drunk people - complete with random chicks, back to your house. ?Isn't college over?
C) I also, would probably not tell the wife - but, I would 100% not be OK with my husband continuing a close friendship with someone so toxic. Think about it - how's that ever gonna work with you all around eachother? ?Probably won't. ?
?
And for the previous posters who are asserting that they'd "want to be told if it were them" - I'm not so sure that's realistic. ?I once did tell a good friend when her bf was fully sleeping around - my bf at the time had told me, and was venting about how much it bummed him out that his buddy was being such a scumbag, when this was such a great gal and did not have a clue who she was involved with. ?She never spoke to me again, and I was made out to be some sort of overly-involved weirdo for trying to break up their relationship. ?I was told in no uncertain terms to mind my own f'ing business - by both the gal, and her scumbag bf. They are now [still] married, with 3 kids, years afterward. ? Would I do it again? not sure - ?but...I'm just saying...love is blind as you want it to be, and there are a LOT of women who walk around in a complete haze by choice.
this. I'm sorry you had to deal with such a crappy situation with such immature boys. I'm glad you kicked him out of the driveway!
This.
The stories that you have shared regarding your husband and his friends scare me. Honestly, the advice to attend al-anon is very good and not to be glossed over.
I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this, especially considering you and your husband are bringing a child into the world.
I'm stuck on the fact that his buddy was bringing "2 girls home". Because it sounds to me like your husband and his buddy were bringing 2 girls home. So the 4 of them could cavort around the pool while his pregnant wife watched from the window or something.
And if I'm WAY off base ... and really it was married buddy (whose wife you're friendly with) bringing "2 girls home" - to cavort in the pool - the fact that your husband would think that was the LEAST bit OK showed very little respect for you. And it doesn't matter how drunk he was. And I'm not the least bit impressed that he drunkenly wanted to fight his drunk friend when his drunk friend dropped the F-bomb in your direction. That's not romantic, it's sloppy and ugly.
I think Al-Anon is a very good idea. It's not normal to get that drunk, often, past college. It indicates a problem. I'm sorry. Please take care of yourself - and do not put up with this asinine behavior.
Oh - and as far as the drunk friend and his wife - you have your own problems to solve right now. I wouldn't get involved in theirs.
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
Frankly, I'd be much more concerned about your husband's behavior and his role in all this than I would be about what his friend was doing.
I don't know your DH, so I certainly can't claim that he has a drinking problem, but I can tell you that I would not be exposing my child to this sort of behavior . My mom is an alcoholic and she was involved with men who also had drinking problems throughout most of my childhood. It was awful, absolutely awful.
This. All of it , but especially that first part. My first thought was who's the 2nd girl for? I also have to admit that if dh was ever so drunk he couldn't even carry on a conversation I'd be beyond pissed about that alone.