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My husband is so sad...

DavezWifeDavezWife member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

(background, 5 losses, 4 very early, this last one was at 9-10 weeks, due to Tri13. It hit us like a ton of bricks.)

We lost the baby & had a D&C just after Memorial Day weekend. In a moment of total breakdown, my husband, at that time, declared "I just know it was a boy! I had a son!" and totally and completely lost his marbles.

Then *I* got the pathology reports back, about the tri13, and that in fact, that this baby was a girl.

When I discussed the results with him, I asked if he wanted to know the sex, he said no. He "already knew he had a son."  No.... it was a girl.  But because he didn't want to know, I left that alone.

Flash ahead to this weekend, we were at a bday party, and there was a chunky 4 month old boy in madras shorts and a baseball shirt playing near us. He got tears in his eye, and again, said "That could have been us." in clear reference to the boy thing.  I just hugged him and said "we can talk about it if you want...." and got nothing. So again, he does not know.

Do I let him continue to think  and heal how he wants? Do I reapproach the offer to disclose ALL the details to the pathology report? What?

I just feel like he would hurt less if he knew it was not a boy.

Ironically, the fact it was a girl is TOTALLY ripping my heart out.  

I dunno. Thoughts?

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Re: My husband is so sad...

  • sinisterkat01sinisterkat01

    Oh god, I am so sorry to hear this.  It sounds like you guys had a pretty rough weekend.  On the one hand, it seems good that your DH is in touch with his emotions and that he cares, but on the other hand, that's a lot for you to deal with.

    I have no good advice about this, but I think it would help him if he knew.  Or at least help him get past this latest hurdle.  Keep us posted.  ***hugs***

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  • Addicted2thenotAddicted2thenot member
    i think I would tell him, it sounds like it would ease his pain. I am sorry that you two are going through this.
    image
    Summer 2011
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers ~early M/C 4/09 ~ Ectopic 6/09~ BFP 11/09~
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  • Aiden'sMomAiden'sMom member
    I think I would tell him because he has a right to know all the information given to you. However, I would not do it when he is at his sadest moment. I know the sadness can be spuratic, so have a heart-to-heart with him whenever he seems fine. Best wishes and I am sorry about your loss.
    BabyFetus Ticker *Baby Aiden: Silently Born on 11-26-08. *Baby #2: M/C on 4-12-09. *Genetic Testing Found MTHFR & PAI1 4G/5G *TTC Baby #3 Since July of 2009: -Fertility Treatments April 2010-February 2011 (Femara, Proverra, Clomid, HCG Trigger, FSH Injectibles, & IUI, as well as Laparoscopy & Hysteroscopy Surgery) *BFP: Febraury of 2011. Baby due 10-24-11!!! :-) ***Baby Angels- Always in Mommy & Daddy's Hearts & Prayers*** ***Prayers For Growing Baby In Belly To Be Healthy***
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  • candlcrazeecandlcrazee
    imagesinisterkat01:

    Oh god, I am so sorry to hear this.  It sounds like you guys had a pretty rough weekend.  On the one hand, it seems good that your DH is in touch with his emotions and that he cares, but on the other hand, that's a lot for you to deal with.

    I have no good advice about this, but I think it would help him if he knew.  Or at least help him get past this latest hurdle.  Keep us posted.  ***hugs***

    This!
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  • megjr8megjr8 member
    Oh gosh! My heart aches just reading the little snippet of what you're going through & how emotional your husband has been. Tongue Tied As tough as it would be, I would tell him.
    In memory of precious Julia, sweet baby James, and now Timmy who fought so hard.


    Natural miscarriage - April 2009 ~ We love you, 'Blueberry'
    Lydia, born July 12, 2010
    Labor buddy to Kelly0615
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