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How much time does DH spend on hobbies and with you?..Vent

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in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

I am feeling frustrated with DH who told me last night that he wants to start training for another long distance triathlon.  Which means that he will be working out 1 1/2 hours after work, 2 hours on Saturdays, and 5-6 hours on Sundays until the race in mid-November.  We talked about it last night and when I told him my concerns about him missing alot of his child's first year of life, he told me that he thought now would be a better time than when LO starts walking next year, or if we decide to have more children.  I don't want to be a wife who says you can't do something, especially since he said it is very important to him and that he misses his friends who he trains with for the race, but I feel second best and disappointed that he doesn't want to spend more time with us.   

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Re: How much time does DH spend on hobbies and with you?..Vent

  • Ashley PharezAshley Pharez
    Maybe you could try to work out with him....like if he goes for a run or jog go with him. ?It would help with the pp weight loss that is for sure. ?I'm sorry it's a tough one. ?As long as it isn't interfering with him helping you out with the baby I wouldn't see it as a problem.
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  • Jen AnuszczykJen Anuszczyk
    DH doesn't spend that much time with hobbies/friends. He does however spend all his time at work. Drives me nuts cuz he doesn't even get paid very well. He leaves before 6am and gets home usually after 6pm every night. He told me the other day that he doesn't think DS knows who he is yet. And i told him he's probably right cuz the only time DS sees DH is when he's asleep! Sucks, huh?
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  • EJS425EJS425

    Sometimes I get bummed out when FI wants to go do something without us (movies, golf, out in general) and then I remember that while hes working I SAH with L and have more of an opportunity to do things I want to do.. even if they are small.. So, I dont really give him too much of a hassle.. I secretly pout for a minute then its over..

    In your case, your H is training for something he loves.. I wouldnt take that away from him.  You still need to be yourselves even tho your parents.  I would be upset about the time spent - all it means tho is while hes training, you need to make the time that you do have together count. Maybe he can be in charge of bathtime for your LO so he has alone/bonding time with him? 

     

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  • disbride061103disbride061103 member
    I would be disappointed too.  Basically, he is going to be spending 15 hours a week for the next 5 months training for this race.  A couple things come to mind here.  Does he not realize the things that he is going to miss?  Does he realize that there will be days that he won't see our LO at all?  DH and I have always tried to give each other time to do things that we want to do (it's harder for me since I EBF, but I try to get out when I can).  If he is taking up 15 hours a week, on top of work and other obligations, when do you get your chance to do things?  I know that your life, hobbies and interest don't stop when you have a child, but I don't think that he is being fair to you and your LO by participating in something that takes up so much time.
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  • jamie.reneejamie.renee
    Well I am the type of person that feels quality time is better then quantity.  But this is coming from someone who's husband has yet to meet their LO.  If this is something that he loves to do, then I don't see the problem.  He should just be sure when he is home he is making the best of the time that he has with your and your little one.  Yes, he will be missing out on time that could be spent with you guys but really, he still needs to do the things he loves to do.  And maybe during some of his workouts you can go with him.  I love working out with my husband when he is home.  We don't do it often since we have different goals etc.
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  • AnimalHouseAnimalHouse
    My DH is a runner and is trying to get back into shape after battling an injury.  He's also getting his MBA on top of working full time.  He typically gets home from work at 7 and by the time he runs, stretches and cleans up it's 8:30.  DS goes to bed around 9 so that doesn't give them much time together.  We compromised and I told DH he could run with the guys Thursday nights and Saturday mornings and one other evening.  Other than that he would have to get up and run before work if he wanted to get his miles in so we'd have time as a family or I'd have a chance to go out in the evenings.  Maybe coming up with a solution so you still have a few nights a week and one weekend day together would work.
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  • Mrs.BibleMrs.Bible member

    Like PP my DH is more of a worker...but we have designated family time...Usually Friday night is his time....Saturday mornings is my time ...Saturday afternoon / evenings = Family time and Sunday afternoon / evening family time....

    If DH wants to work tile 6 / 7 PM - he understands that he is going to miss alot...and he has to deal with that.  Currently DH has taken it upon himself to car pool with us - which forces him from the office at 4ish.  Its really nice because he is spending more time with us....but I think it is because business is slow...once it picks up again he will be absent...but it is okay as long as he adheres to the family time schedule...

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