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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Returning to The Nest after a couple year hiatus...need support...late pregnancy miscarriage
Hey Ladies,
I was once a regular on the nest boards, long before DH and I were TTC. After three years of TTC, I found out April I was 6 weeks along. Everything with the pregnancy seemed fine until I miscarried 16 1/2 weeks while alone at my home. I started getting terrible cramps (which I now know as labor pains) and, after 16 hours of pain, an ER visit, and multiple calls to the doctor (who all assured me because there was no bleeding or other problems it was severe constipation) I miscarried my little baby boy at my home while DH was getting me a prescription for a laxative. What a sick joke.
I'm trying to grieve like everybody advises me to. I love speaking with my friends that had issues getting pg and then had miscarriages, but I'm having trouble finding somebody (besides DH...who has been INCREDIBLE through all this) that can relate to me going through this after being so confident I was in the clear. I was feeling my baby kick. I was 6 days away from my detailed ultrasound to find out the sex. We had names picked out.
Don't get me wrong, since I've never been through this, I am SURE that it is excruciating whether its four weeks or twenty weeks. Either way its a loss...but I was hoping to hear how some women dealt with later pregnancy miscarriage. I feel like some of my friends, while sympathetic and supportive, compare their experiences when they miscarried the same day they found out they were pregnant to mine.
I keep thinking time will help this, but it almost makes it worse. Having to wait to start trying again leaves me back at square one. I still forget that I'm not pregnant anymore. I find myself wondering why I haven't felt the baby kick. How do I make this transition?
I didn't mean to turn this into a novel, but I just need a woman who can relate to a similar experience. I have a wonderful family, and DH is trying so hard to be there for me...but I'm still left feeling alone like there isn't a soul knowing what I'm dealing with.
Any insight or personal experience on how you dealt with similar feelings would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading.
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Re: Returning to The Nest after a couple year hiatus...need support...late pregnancy miscarriage
I'm so sorry that you have to be here. I lost my baby at 10 weeks. Hearing the heartbeat and seeing it just made it so much more real and really bonded me to it. I am so grateful that I never got to feel it move or find out the sex. I agree with you, the later on you lose it, the harder it is emotionally. At least it would be for me.
What I've done is a lot of talking to the ladies here and writing in my journal. It's such a relief to me to be able to talk with other people who really know how painful this is. I've also been pouring myself into research. It keeps my mind occupied and makes me feel proactive. For late loss, I would investigate cervical cerclage, regular cervical measurements, bedrest, and blood clotting disorders.
I can't tell you how to get over this. It's been two months for me and I'm still not there. I hope that you get all of the comfort and help that you need here.
I can't even begin to imagine your pain at losing your baby at that stage. And your story just breaks my heart - I am so sorry that your doctor did not provide with you better care in such a difficult time. I cannot give you any late loss advice. I will tell you that I lost mine at 12 weeks, and had some shock because I was naive and thought I was "in the clear".
There are several ladies on here that have been through late losses, and I am sure they will be responding soon. In the meantime, please accept my deepest sympathies, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))
I just want to tell you that I am so very sorry for your loss. I have had two losses, my first was in July 2006 when I was 8 weeks along. I was heartbroken, but had sort of come to terms with it since I knew before my first u/s that the baby had passed. I had a natural miscarriage at home. Just 6 weeks ago, I lost another baby at 16 weeks along. I cannot describe the pain that I am feeling. It is very similar to what you are saying. This loss for me is so much harder than the first. I was feeling the baby move, saw 5 perfect u/s and just 5 days prior to finding out that the babies heart had stopped saw a perfect u/s. We too had just made our appt to find out the sex of the baby and had names picked out. I had a belly that I had to lose, and had 4 days of "limbo" where I was waiting for a D&E since my body didn't realize things. I found out on May 15 that we had lost our baby, and I too found myself forgetting several times that I wasn't pregnant anymore.
I wish that I could tell you how to move past this and feel a little better each day. To be honest, I'm not quite certain myself yet. It sort of comes in baby steps. I don't sob uncontrollably as often any more, so time has helped with that. I still cry mostly on a daily basis, but just a little. There are other things that get harder with time, when all of this first happened I didn't have a problem being around pregnant women, now I find that if I am I start to panic and can feel myself becoming uncomfortable, but I am hoping that this is all just part of the greiving process. I also have alot of guilt about alot of things, part of me I guess.
I'm not sure if you were able to or not, but we had our baby cremated and are currently waiting for pathology results to find out the sex of the baby. We want to name the baby and have a memorial service. Having the babies cremains here with me have helped a bit, it's like having her back in our home, not in the way I had hoped but still here with me. Or maybe you can plant a tree in remembrance of the baby something you can go to when you are feeling sad. I have also started a blog it has really helped me to get some feelings out that I couldn't otherwise. Here is the link if you are interested....
https://mommylifeandthree.blogspot.com/If you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to ask, I'm here and will watch for you. Sending thoughts, love and gentle hugs your way.
I too had a late m/c at 18 weeks. It has been a very tough 9 months since the m/c and lots of frustration with ttc. Things that have helped me witht he grief:
1. start a private blog or journal to write out all your emotions.
that's just not fair. I am so sorry.
Although all my losses have been a bit earlier (4-10 weeks) , I got slapped in the face with my last one recently, and took a ton of time to "process it" in writing. It's in my blog, link in sig, just scroll down a couple to "Knowledge." (although there are a lot of piks of my daughter in the blog, just FYI)
Do they have any medical answers for why the baby came so early?
Again, so very sorry for you and your family.
I am so sorry. I lost my (ectopic) pregnancy early, but one of my close friends lost her first pregnancy at 14 weeks when her water broke while at work. It was horrible, and it is a day I will never forget, so I can't imagine how it must still hurt for her.
She miscarried on April 6, and April 13 the following year she gave birth to a beautiful boy.