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::lnle::

TarahvilleTarahville
in Infertility

I have a question for you.

What if you called her up and told her how you were feeling and asked her if you could take her out to dinner one night, you could bring the gift, and you could have girl talk?

That way she knows how you're feeling, yet you're making an effort to show that you care even though it's harder than hell for you.

This is so hard and I hate how IF makes us feel. I wish you weren't going through this. ((Hugs))

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Re: ::lnle::

  • lnlelnle

    thanks for the idea! It's made even more complicated by the fact that she lives 3 hours away. So the only time I'll get to see her in person before the shower is at the 4th of july holiday weekend. If I'm able to get her alone then I can give her the gift and talk with her then. But if I'm not able to get her alone, that's where it gets awkward. sigh.

    thanks for understanding. 

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  • TarahvilleTarahville

    Well crap. :(

    There just isn't an easy way around this, is there?

    Does she know about your m/c's?

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  • lnlelnle
    yes, she knows everything. we were IF buddies for a few months (until she got pg), and we were even pregnant at the same time for a few weeks until I had my 2nd m/c. So she knows all about the TTTC, IVFs, 2 m/c's, etc. Which is why part of me thinks she'd understand if I told her the real reason I couldn't go. But then again she might not understand b/c she'd think that I should be supporting a fellow IFer.
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  • EchloeEchloe

    Can I butt in? ?This is really a tough situation. I just read all the responses in the post below and honestly wouldn't know what to do if I were in your shoes. ?I just hope that she understands that if you did show up to the shower it would really kill you. ?It is hard for others to get where we are coming from. ?She may really think you are being selfish for not attending. ?The only advice I can tell you is to give her as nice a gift as possible that shows how much you care about her and her baby so that she realizes that your heart is in the right place even though you can't make it. ?:::HUGS:::

    Beautiful Miracle Baby lost at 21 weeks due to pre-term labor and incompetent cervix. FET#1 BFN, FET#2 BFP, early loss. FET#3 BFN. IVF#2 BFFN. FET #4 BFP after removing bilateral hydrosalpinx and 3 months of lupron depot. Sticky Bun is here!! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • lnlelnle
    imageEchloe:

    Can I butt in?  This is really a tough situation. I just read all the responses in the post below and honestly wouldn't know what to do if I were in your shoes.  I just hope that she understands that if you did show up to the shower it would really kill you.  It is hard for others to get where we are coming from.  She may really think you are being selfish for not attending.  The only advice I can tell you is to give her as nice a gift as possible that shows how much you care about her and her baby so that she realizes that your heart is in the right place even though you can't make it.  :::HUGS:::

    thanks, echloe! I think I'm just going to have to have a lot of different conversations planned in my head and go with whatever seems to be appropriate in the moment.

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  • EchloeEchloe
    imagelnle:
    imageEchloe:

    Can I butt in? ?This is really a tough situation. I just read all the responses in the post below and honestly wouldn't know what to do if I were in your shoes. ?I just hope that she understands that if you did show up to the shower it would really kill you. ?It is hard for others to get where we are coming from. ?She may really think you are being selfish for not attending. ?The only advice I can tell you is to give her as nice a gift as possible that shows how much you care about her and her baby so that she realizes that your heart is in the right place even though you can't make it. ?:::HUGS:::

    thanks, echloe! I think I'm just going to have to have a lot of different conversations planned in my head and go with whatever seems to be appropriate in the moment.

    ?Good idea. ?That should make things a little easier on you I hope.
    Beautiful Miracle Baby lost at 21 weeks due to pre-term labor and incompetent cervix. FET#1 BFN, FET#2 BFP, early loss. FET#3 BFN. IVF#2 BFFN. FET #4 BFP after removing bilateral hydrosalpinx and 3 months of lupron depot. Sticky Bun is here!! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • TarahvilleTarahville

    $hit, L!

    I agree with Echloe that no matter what this situation is going to be hard.

    What if you called her and asked her if you 2 could set aside some time while she's here (where you are) and that you'd like to let her know how much you care and give her the gift, but that it's just going to be too hard to attend the shower considering the circumstances.

    Goodness, I really hope she understands.

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  • lnlelnle
    thanks, I will let you wonderful ladies know how it goes...one more week till I see her...
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  • lnlelnle
    craaaaapppp. just realized that her sister is throwing the shower and I'm going to have to RSVP to her somehow. geez.
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  • TarahvilleTarahville

    frick!

    We'll be thinking of you. Please let us know what you decide and how it unfolds.

    ((huge hugs))

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