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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
DH vent. Help please!
DH and I have been having problems for awhile, but I think it is getting out of control. I need other women's opinions. I will give you some backstory.
We try to have intelligent conversations, and every time I try to give my opinion, he rolls his eyes at me, asks me "how stupid can you get?!" or says thinks like, "Think with your head!"
If I do something that goes slightly against his directions when I am trying to follow his orders for setting up for parties and get a chair in the wrong spot, he gives me a slight tap on the arm. I never thought anything of it until my sister brought me aside last weekend. He sometimes does this when I say something that he deems "stupid" as well.
What do you think? What would you do in my situation? As far as I know this is normal husband behavior.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH vent. Help please!
This is NOT normal husband behavior and needs to be addressed. I would never tolerate being talked down to like that or being controlled the way he seems to be doing to you.
It's one thing to play around and name call or 'tap' each other but this seems more serious than that.
this
I think that behavior is unacceptable. I watched my dad talk that way to my mom for years. He has gotten better but still "slips". I find that when a man treats a woman like this it is a hard habit to break and will only continue to get worse. It is degrading and it is not good for your DC to see daddy treat mommy that way.
Hi, I'm a RED FLAG. Nice to meet you.
I think the question is: Do YOU think he behavior is offensive?
If my husband called me "stupid" I would be upset, if it was said in a hurtful way. If you're having a conversation, and it's joking, it's still up to you to decide it it's hurtful.
I think a lot of women out here would be offended, but they're not in your marriage either. Only you know your comfort level.
It's just a little tap, open-handed. He is usually smiling during.
You're REALLY chalking this up to "normal husband behavior"? I don't get that one bit. Does he treat other peopel like this? If not, why is it ok. to treat you like this? why do you, his WIFE, deserve less than anyone else?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
That is abuse. The comments are emotional abuse and the 'taps' are physical. That is NOT normal husband behavior at all.
I would go to couseling myself. I don't know what your H would do if you ask him to go to couseling, so I would abolutely seek a professional to talk to myself before approaching him about it if you think he will have a bad reaction.
To be honest though, I think that I'd be getting the hell out of there. Good for your sister for saying something. It is NOT okay for him to treat you like that.
This is NOT normal and I would consider it abusive. Definitely verbally abusive and possibly physically if the 'taps' are out of anger or frustration.
"If I do something that goes slightly against his directions when I am trying to follow his orders" I don't think a person should take orders from their spouse. Even this is not normal in my opinion. If he wants your help setting up for a party, he can politely ask you to help. If you do something other than he intended, he can politely ask you to move it or he can do it himself.
He sounds like an awesome guy.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
This is absolutely not normal husband behavior. If any man ever laid a hand on me or called me stupid, he'd have bigger problems than a chair being in the wrong spot.
You need to speak to a counselor ASAP and seriously examine your personal well-being. That is abuse, plain and simple. I would never stay in a relationship like that. You need to know that this is not normal, and personally I think you are putting yourself in danger if you don't immediately address the situation.
THIS. Absolutely a red flag!!! Wow. He should never touch you in that way and never call you stupid. You may want to consider going to counseling (alone) for a while until you can figure this out for yourself......you deserve so much better honey.
My new "mom" blog: http://realityofamommy.blogspot.com
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Notes:
well from everything i've seen on tv, this seems normal.
stick with it, sister! i'd hate to have you bail on your fam.
Uh, no, that's no normal husband behavior. It's unacceptable and I'd tell him that.
My husband can be pretty blunt when he's in a debating mood, but if he ever told me (in serious way) that I'm stupid, I'd call him on it. Some people are more sarcastic or think that "what are you stupid?" is conversational tool, but it's hurtful.
Call him on it and demand that he treat you better.
This is not normal behavor between two people period. No matter what the relationship is.
He is out of line & needs a reality check. I'd love to be the one to give it to him.
I suggest you start standing up for yourself & stop letting him treat you like this. He is abusing you. It's calls verbal abuse & it needs to stop. I suggest counseling STAT!
This is what I was thinking...
My lupus Birth Story
I thought this as well... MUD all the way.
No matter, this confirms it.
ETA: Just for conversation though, you start off saying things are getting out of hand and you end by saying this is "normal husband behavior" in your mind. Which is it? Also, I've never seen you post here before and you pop up with a NBR and so ridiculously phrased post.
That's not normal. It's really Fvcked up!
He's controlling you and destroying your self-eestem. People like that break you down slowly. I've got a taser. You could borrow it. Everytime he taps or calls you stupid tase him in the groin. I bet that would correct his behavior.
Another option is to send KG over. She'll throat punch him.
Yep, it's MUD. Or she's married to Kate Gosselin.