Anyone think being a WOHM makes them a less patient mother?

mauceddie · June 2009

I have been a SAHM for 2 years of the last 3.5 years (Canadian 1 year mat leaves for each of my 2 kids). I am really struggling with my lack of patience since I have been back to work. I am so much less patient with them now. I figure that it's caused by dealing with rational adults all day, whereas before I was used to being around the kids all day so better put up with their whining, tantrums, etc... Now that stuff just annoys me.

Anyway, I feel guilty about it, and am trying my best, but sometimes feel inadequate... I know they benefit from daycare, but I feel like they aren't getting my "best self" outside of daycare.

Anyone else or just me?

SBMBride406 · June 2009

I think the opposite is true for me. I was much less patient when I was on maternity leave than I am now. I feel like I don't take any time I have with my son for granted since there is so little of it. Of course, my son is about a year old, so he really doesn't throw tantrums, he doesn't say "no", etc. I may feel differently in another year!

crysas81 · June 2009

There are many things that could be attributing to this...one is age...they are now toddlers which is a challenge to any parent. 2, you may need a little bit of a break. Finding the balance is a tough thing and a working mom's day seems to never end. There just isn't enough time in the day to get it all done! Also, are you sleeping ok? Sleeping a good 6-8 hours is what helps me to be patient but I have an 11 month old...when she's a toddler, I could only imagine! Perhaps they need a few more minutes of undivided mommy time...that may help the whining and tantrums a little.

We are all so busy that I think we forget to take time out for ourselves so when they go to bed, take a bath and have a glass of wine and relax!

barkers4jmm · June 2009

I also think I have more patience with DD being back at work - cherishing every drop of time. I can't imagine what it's like with 2 kids though! I do think I'm less patient with DH.

EastCoastBride · June 2009

I have a TON of patience for my son. Even him waking up at 4 am this morning (NOT the norm) - all I could do was look at him and just want to hug and snuggle w/ him even though I was dead tired. And knew I had to come to work all day. But because I wasnt' going to see him all day - it just makes me appreciate the time I have w/ him even more.

auggiedoggy · June 2009

I think I might be more patient during the summer (when I'm not working) because there's just less of a time crunch. It's easier for me to be patient when my schedule is less rigid. When I'm working, everything has to be done *now* because we can't rework the schedule as easily, KWIM? I'm not sure, though. I have plenty of not-so-patient days, during the summer and during the school year.

ETA: And like a PP mentioned, age might have a huge amount to do with it. I had endless patience when I had one little baby. Endless. But my toddler and preschool aged little ones have tried my patience in a million different ways. They know how to push my buttons now, and it's hard to be patient with that 24/7. Don't feel guilty. I'm sure you're doing a great job.

mauceddie · June 2009

LOL, so it appears that I am not the norm... Not making me feel better! I even work PT (24 hours/week) so still do have lots more time with them than many working mothers. Maybe the key is to work more hours (j/k)

They are 1.5 and 3.5 and maybe it's just the ages...

auggiedoggy · June 2009

No, I'm with you! Smile

auggiedoggy · June 2009

and I also work PT.

crysas81 · June 2009

PS...a YEAR maternity leave?! I'm moving to Canada!

LaLaSweets · June 2009

I'm actually very patient . Maybe cause I'm a teacher

katesmom73 · June 2009

I agree but I think its because I have so much going on and trying to get everything done in a day is challenging. I have reduced my cleaning standards significantly, however, you have to clean some time so my frustrations are with trying to get things done at home, have time for myself and spend time with the kids.

Teisha79 · June 2009

Depends.

I actually think that I have become much more laxist (not patient, mind!), but laxist with my son, once i started working. I lose temper less now, but it is not due to my increasing patience, it's mainly due to my "oh, whatever" attitude that sometimes takes over...

If, when I was at home I wouldn't not let go of certain things and took time for the tatrums to pass, now... sometimes I just do turn that bloody TV on...

Bad, bad, bad me... (((((((((

Temp159135562506975 · June 2009

opposite for me... i'm much more patient with DS than i am with adults... and i find that getting home from work and playing with him helps me calm down- even when he's naughty- i relish the time with him more than I do if I was with him all day long...ie) on weekends I think i'm less patient with him b/c i'm with him all day... i think working helps me have a "break" so that i don't lose my patience as much.

luvmagoldn · June 2009

After #3 came along I found myself losing patience with the older boys, especially in the morning. It told me I was trying to do too much and/or had too much to do! Things have gotten a lot better since we switched from DC to a nanny b/c our mornings are less regimented now.

If you are losing patience then you are stressed. See what you can eliminate or change so that you can be a calmer and more even keeled mom. Good for you that you noticed it and are seeking a solution!

krub · June 2009

I'm the opposite too. the more time I'm with my kids, the less patient I am. But, I've never been home for a year with them. I'm sure I would develop some good coping skills if I was home with them for longer than 8-12 weeks at a time.

Then again, my kids are 2 and 4. I think you have to be a saint to be able to maintain your patience with them. These ages have been really hard on me, whereas I didn't have trouble with patience much before.

spinach · June 2009

I'm only impatient when I have to get in to work and my DS is taking his time eating or getting to the car, at night I am very patient because I've told myself that this is time to be with DS I have nothing to do then to hang out with him. Maybe if you figure out why you are stressed you can figure out why you are patient. I am more impatient if i have to make dinner, but i've learned to meal plan.

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