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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
What is your most memorable quote from L&D
Mine was when I was on my back and my OB was going to break my water and she is digging around, hurting like mofugra, digging digging digging, twisting, I think she poked my lungs at one point and then says:
"hmmm... I can't find your cervix" 
and one of these 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What is your most memorable quote from L&D
hahaha... that's scary.
I have nothing memorable. The only thing I remember is DH saying "that's the head?" when the L&D nurse asked him if he wanted to look up my vag and see the head.... I'm surprised he did it. LOL
In the OR, there was a panic moment when the doctor was yelling at the others to get some tool. DD's head was stuck in my birth canal and they couldn't get her out. It was very chaotic for a moment while they tried to find the tool they needed. And while all this is going on, DH has a ghost white face, but says to me "oh, everything is fine."
For me, it's a close race between two disgusting quotes:
1) "I'm sorry everyone, I'm going to poo on the table again" during 3 hours of pushing
or
2) "Doctor, I'm sorry I farted in your face" while I had the spinal and OB was stitching me up.
I was so disgusting while I was in labor. A total disgrace.
I can't believe I'm even posting this. Sorry if it made you want to puke.
Missed m/c 10/25/10 @ 11.5 weeks
The nurse and DH were trying to calm me down and slow my breathing.
"Breath like this." - Hubs
"I CAN'T BREATHE!" - Me
::while blowing/breathing in my face:: "Look at me." - Nurse
"I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU!" - Me
W (02/2009), N (08/2012), and C (04/2014)
"WHY CAN'T SHE JUST GET IT OUT???!!"
Asking everyone around me why the Doc couldn't just pull the baby out, while she was delivering me.
Aww, no worries. And if I crapped on the table, I'm blissfully unaware. I will say though when they broke my water I didn't know if more water was coming out or I was peeing, so I felt the need to warn the nurse every 4 minutes that I might have just peed, for the 15th time. I'm sure she loved me, even though it never turned out to be pee.
LOL--the nurse told me DS had huge feet when she first handed him to me, too. I was like, "Thanks!" Couldn't she have thought of something nicer to say?
The first thing I asked after pushing the baby out was "Did I poop?" DH said no, but it sure did feel like I took the biggest dump of my life!
DH also told me "and you didn't poop once! I'm so glad because I really don't think I could have seen that..." even though he watched the whole delivery
I crapped on the table MULTIPLE times. Like at least 20. I had heard before labor that everyone poos on the table but you'll never notice (like you didn't!) but I totally noticed. I pushed for so long, like 6 1/2 hours, and the last 3 were with an epi so I could push really hard and I could tell that I was going to poo and sure enough a little came out. The poor nurse was wiping and running back and forth from me to the sink and garbage between contractions. DH, my friend/birth companion, my mom and I were cracking up.
I have 2:
1) FI: OMG the runners are running behind the ambulance! look look out the window!!
(a huge marathon was going on in the city while we were on our way to the hospital & all of the roads were shut down. We had to pull over and park & get in an ambulance. They had to shut down the marathon while they got me in & they were all running in place behind it. I was so embarressed, but all the runners looked so.damn.funny)
2) FI: you should be proud of yourself...you didnt crap all over the place"
I pushed twice for a grand total of one minute.
The nurse said "you dont even need to push, you could laugh her out!"
Ha. I was so shocked when I actually pushed him out I screamed "Holy fvcking sh!t very very loud. They were all cracking up and said it was the best reaction to that they'd seen in a while. DH was cracking up. I was so shocked that he really came out of me, really. I still don't really believe it, heh
I was very concerned if I pooped also. DH was taking a video of them giving DS a bath, etc, and you can hear me in the background asking everyone if I had pooped everywhere
I asked my friend that was with me in place of my husband several times if I pooped. I didn't have an epi but I swore it felt like I did a few times.
I said i had to pee but couldn't get up with back to back contractions just minutes before it was time to push. The midwife put one of those pads under me and said ok. My friend kept telling me to pee on her over and over. I had a shy bladder and couldn't go though.
When the midwife had her hand super far up in me I yelled at my friend to get her hand out of me.
When my OB was pushing on my stomach to help get the placenta out I yelled no and pushed him...he was pushing hard!
As soon as she came out I said "it's a girls isn't it?" I was so scared the ultrasound was wrong and many people have said maybe it really is a boy.
Before my OB left (he came but just watched, didn't even deliver her, just how they do it here) I asked if I could get the Mirena next time I see him lol.
I enjoyed this L&D. It was the most painful of the 3 but it was quick and I loved how things worked out...other then my husband not being there.
LOL @ pp! I love poop stories! I have a few..
Well, 1 was def when 7am rolled around and the shifts changed. I was mid-push with legs back and I opened my eyes to a completely diff dr waving at me, I reply in a grunting, pushing voice "Who-the-fvck-are-you!!??"
Next would be when the nurse grabbed my leg and pulled it back bc I obv wasnt doing it right, whe was SCREAMING at me "PUSH PUSH!" and the dr was yeslling "YOU NEED TO GET THIS BABY OUT, PUSH!" and I flipped and said "Stop yelling at me!!!" haha
(My pushing sounded dramatic but it lasted about 20 min)
and finally when FI kissed my forehead right after and said "I'm so proud of you." Thats my fav
After about 8 hours of contractions (and before my epi), I was still pacing the L&D floor, in excruciating pain. I return to my room to see if I had progressed. The nurse comes in and says "describe your pain to me on a scale of 1 to 10." I respond with "I would rather be shot in the face!"
Her reply- "Um, I'm gonna put that down as a 10"
Most memorable is also the most awful- when the MW said to H "I'm going to have to cut this one, dad", referring to the cord wrapped so tightly around DD's neck that they had to cut it before she was/in order for her to be delivered.
I crapped. Had no idea about it (nobody said a darn word) until they were putting me in the wheelchair (stupid m'f'ing godawful epi!) to go down to see my baby in the SCN and they discreetly wiped my butt and said "Oops- just a little something left to wipe..."?
It had been about an hour and half since my first contraction and the L&D nurse was checking me.
Nurse: looks like we are about ready
DH: I forgot the cameras in the car, do I have time to get them?
Me: I need an epi
Nurse: Sorry sweatheart, there is no time
Me: Well how dilated am I?
Nurse: you are 10 cm
Me: WHAT??? I need to push now!
Nurse: NO! There is no doctor here!
Me: I am pushing NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW *pushhh*
With that push, my water broke and out popped Lu.
Doc showed up about 5 minutes later and she said "just couldn't wait huh?" *smiles* Me: What took you so long?
I love them both...too funny.
Photo/Family Blog
Photo/Family Blog
These are all so funny!
Here's some of mine:
Me: I think I'm peeing...sorry...
Nurse: Oh YES YOU ARE.
(apparently I peed a lot..? lol)
Doc: So are you going to cut the cord?
DH: Uhhhhhhhh.....
Doc: JUST SAY YES (thrusting scissor-things in his hands)
I don't really have a memorable quote - more of a memorable event....
Right after K was taken out (via c/s) and DH had gone to cut the cord I hear "he's going down, someone catch him, he's going down!"
I of course thought DH was passing out and start crying.
Nope. It was the med student. Passed out HARD, right there in the OR.
My BFP Chart~
when they were rolling me down to the OR for the emergency c-section i was so looped from all of the drugs- i started going through my mental checklist with DH "if something happens to me make sure you tell c every day that i love him, make sure he takes all of his sacraments, and please dont let him be one of those little pansy-a$$ kids that cry at everything." the doctors were laughing
i was being totally serious.
These are all so funny! Mine is when the doctor told me he had to make a small cut down there to get the baby out. Well I pictured in my head him using these scissors that make noise--like the ones you cut paper with...you know how that make a "noise"? Well I covered my ears and starting saying "la la la" so I wouldn't hear! I know I looked like a fool. My DH told me the dr was done before I even did that.
sorry I haven't added a new siggie yet..my LO is 3 1/2 months!
'Sorry guys' after I had farted and was stinking DH and my 2 friends out (they were such good sports). Loved that epi! Then we were all lauging so hard my monitor alerted the nurse who came rushing in to see what was wrong.
'Mmmmm, popsicle' I was moaning as it was the 1st thing in 20 hours I'd had besides sips of water.
from DH "It looks like a rose garden" (in reference to crowning)
from nurses "Cross your legs, the doctor will be here in 15-20 minutes"
-Immediately after pushing and right before c/s DH tells me "I thought you were going to blow out your a$$hole in there"
-And the first time I saw DS right after they pulled him out I said "OMG he's huge and then thank God he has hair"
-Also DH asking every.single.person that came in the room when the baby was going to get here (I was induced and in labor for 22 hours, this question got a little old)
I pretty much didn't say a word the whole time, but I was thinking some funny stuff...
The nurses kept coaching me through my pitocin-induced contractions (with 2 failed epis) by telling me I was at the top of the mountain, was coming down, etc.
DH tried to repeat this. I found it annoying that every time he said this, the only thing I could picture is the gameshow from the Price Is Right with the yodeler and then him falling off the mountain...
After delivery, I told this to the room (1st words spoken in over 10 hours!!) and everyone busted out laughing.
OMG, that was for you?! I heard about that from a friend.
my angel babies: 6/10 (chem. pg), 9/10 @ 10 weeks