- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Austin Babies
Bawled at pedi appt (me, not DS)
Well, DS did cry a bit when she checked his ears. I full on bawled though. My pg hormones got the best of me. Pedi was trying to tell me what to expect behavior-wise from DS1 when DS2 arrives and it broke my heart. She said he will likely throw more tantrums and blame me for bringing home & spending so much time with the baby. I knew all of that, but to hear it out loud was like a knife to the heart. I know he'll adjust and hopefully eventually be best buddies with his little bro, but I got so sad thinking about how his world is about to be turned upside down. My baby is not going to be 'the baby' any more. And poor pedi - having to deal w/ a bawling mom in her office! Bet she wasn't expecting that. 
Anybody have similar anxiety right before DC2? Words of wisdom for things to help DC1 cope with changes? Little "special" things you do just with DC1? Any comfort you can give me that DS will be fine and will not hate me (at least not for long term)?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bawled at pedi appt (me, not DS)
No advice, as I'm in the same boat as you, but wanted to come in to say that you're not alone! ?As excited as DH and I both are about the new baby, I've been feeling guilty about bringing such huge changes into Daniel's world. ?And then I feel guilty about feeling guilty about it! ?PG hormones are just the best, aren't they?
Hope you feel better soon. ?And you know, while we aren't there yet ourselves, we have absolutely *no* friends whose multiple children don't get along famously. ?All those brothers and sisters love one another a lot. ?I'm sure our growing families will be the same way. ?:)?
Unless you're an only child or the youngest - most of us went through this at some point in our w'iddle w'ives. Do we all hate our parents? No
MC had an awesome piece of advice at last PG GTG. If your newborn is crying and you know it's not something they need now (food) - and your Toddler is crying and asking for Mommy - take a few moments to tend to your toddler first. They have the most memory and recall. A newborn will cry for most of the day for a variety of reasons and remember NONE of it. So paying attention to your Toddler will make for a happier toddler overall and hopefully fewer emotional issues for everyone down the line
Keep in mind too, some big brothers or sisters LOVE LOVE LOVE the baby, no matter how anyone thought they would be before. My friend's 3 year old fights her mom to hold and take care of her new little sister - she thinks it's her doll more or less!
There is an episode of Sesame Street called "Elmo is Jealous of Marco." I LOST IT the first time that I watched it. I worried that our family would never have as much love as it did at that time. How could we all adjust to this new little person? I thought (for a fleeting second) that we had ruined our family. But love does grow exponentially and your family will be so happy with more people to share the love.
DD and I went out every Saturday by ourselves for a while and had "Mommy and Me" time. We went to the park, Jungle Java, just for a walk. Now, she is REALLY into cuddles while DS takes his morning nap. We hold each other for that hour and it is the best. DS also "brought" Campbell a present home from the hospital so she'd like him at first. It was a shameless bribe but it did work.
I am not sure the age difference between the two but mine are 2 1/2 years and we basically have not had any issues.
We had our oldest in her big girl bed and big room about 5 months before we even set up the nursery with her old furniture.
We kept talking about it daily about how she was going to be a big sister and what that meant. It really helped that her little best friend just had a baby brother about 4 months before we got pregnant and she spends a lot of time with them. We were able to say see how she is so lucky to be a big sister and that really helped the most.
Then around the house we had her potty trained and just really played up her being a helper and how important it would be for her to help mommy when the baby was born.
Once the baby got her we put her to work---she is the official diaper getter and we even let her burp the baby (we held the baby). So we really involved her in everything we did. My husband was home for the first 2 months of us having two and that did help and even now he always gives our oldest attention first then the baby.
so yes, I felt so guilty but now that we are almost 7 months into having 2--it is awesome. My oldest knows that moment she walks into the room that her baby sister is staring and smiling at her. She really gets a kick out of that. We have had some issues of jealously at times and really the biggest thing is just teaching her the baby is fragile and does not eat her food yet (she is always trying shove food in her mouth).
good luck!
just read what taytee wrote--that is exactly what we do. I always make sure that my toddler is all set before I do anything that takes time w/ the baby.
I find that since having 2 my 1st watches more TV then I ever dreamed that I would allow and my 2nd cries so much more than I ever let my oldest but in the end it all evens out.
I did not read all the responses, so sorry if i repeat anything.
we did a few special things with abby before joshua came. like a trip to sea world, etc. we wanted her to really enjoy the last month or so of being an only child. we totally induldged on her i am sure it was the guilt.
we also bought some big sister and what it is like having a baby in the house books. she loves her big sister book still! we talked to her all.the.time about how she was going to have to help teach the new baby all sorts of things, etc
we also had joshua bring a gift for abby home from the hospital. she loved it! still tells people that joshua gave ot to her.
i try to make sire she is busy has something fun keeping her busy when i am feeding joshua. and her and i try to have a craft or something special planned for when joshua is taking a nap. i try to take her with me for a special trip without joshua as much as possible on the weekends when DH is home. we also keep our week pretty much the same as before. i still take her to special events at the library, park playdates, jungle java, etc on a regular basis. staying home with the new baby for so long just was not an option this time around. i find we have MUCH better days when we have things planned, especially if it includes getting out of the house even if it is just to have a picnic and play in the backyard some days.
abby loves joshua and has shown no resentment towards him. she talks about him all the time. we have had some issues with behavior from her which i am sure steam from the change in her life though. we are wroking on them. so far things have been much easier with two then i ever would have dreamed though.
Along the same vein as tending first to your toddler before your infant, we also NEVER tell Campbell that we can't do something because Owen is asleep, eating, or it would be too hot for him. That might be the truth but we go out of our way to make sure that she feels that he is the cause of happy things, not the preventer of theml.
My two sisters are my very best friends. I cannot imagine my world without them. Even as we were losing our mom, she reminded us that we will always have each other.
I think this is part of the issue for me. ?I am an only child, so I have no personal experience relating to a sibling. ?It feels like I'm sailing into uncharted territory -- scary.
I hated being an only, though, so I keep reminding myself that D and his little brother or sister are going to have lots of fun times I never got to experience.?
We did many things already posted and DS did the same thing during a session of shots for DD, he yelled "Don't hurt my baby!" at the doctor. Talk about emotional! It was so sweet that I cried and I was probably already teary eyed because my DD was getting shots in the first place and she was crying. Ugh.
I knew I wanted a big family (came from one) and I still had many PG breakdowns with PG#2 for the same reasons. I thought I was ruining DS's world even when I knew that ultimately having siblings is so, so fun.
I haven't read everyone's post, but i just quickly wanted to chime in and say that...yeah...initially you may experience some jealousy - from both sides as it turns out - i have a funny story about it...but i can't expound on it...gist is that i was holding my eldest and my baby, at about 8 months old, looked at me and screamed at me as if to say, "MY mommy!!" Hahaha!
Sometimes the jealousy is subtle. Sometimes it is overt (like pushing).
But the bottomline is...as soon as they learn to play with each other...ohhhh that just warms your heart! You realize you haven't "ruined" your child's life by bringing someone else in the home to share your love...you have made the home grow that much more with love...to infinity and beyond! : )
I look forward to the day when they band together to, "get mommy"! I will then know that they are going to be allright...that they are going to be more than just siblings...they are going to be family.
My ds and dd are just under 17 months apart and I worried about this (cried about this) so many times. I posted here asking for book suggestions for me and there were NONE. I asked all the moms in my Moms group what advice they had...none. It was so discouraging because I wanted to do right by my dd and I was desperate to be prepared for her. Finally two things helped me:
1. This website:
https://www.askmoxie.org/2008/08/for-those-of-you-who-have-or-are-having-or-considering-second-children.html
I will warn you, however, the comments are true-to-life and many of them scared me (like disliking my newborn at the hospital for taking me away from my older child--I luckily never felt this). Anyway, it was good for me to see the true life emotions/feelings of moms adjusting to life with two kids.
2. From the Book, Toddler 411, the authors say that the older child will go through the "7 stages of grief" as they adjust to a new life with a sibling. Knowing this I was able to be prepared for each step and I really felt like I was ready to help dd adjust to a new life with her baby brother.
I hope this helps you...(btw pp did an amazing job with their advice)
What we did to help DD- She was 18 months when he was born, so there was a general understanding of what was happening, but she didn't have any anxiety or anything over it. She just wasn't that aware. We bought her a baby doll, like a real looking life size doll, and we would hold it in front of her and pretend to burp him or whatever. We talked about being careful with the baby, etc. She met him in the hospital and we had a gift waiting there for her. She came in with just DS, DH and me and my friend taking pictures. It made it special, I think. But then my parents came in and everyone made a big deal about how she was a big sister. She was so proud and so interested in looking at the baby. She spent the next few days with DH and MIL while I was in the hospital. We all drove home together and made a big deal about bringing the baby home. She even tried to help carry his carseat as we walked in.
In the early days, there were a lot of times she wanted to be held when we were holding the baby, not so that we had to put him down, but we quickly had to figure out how to hold both. DH could do it more easily than me, but I usually sat down with both of them on my lap. That was all she needed to feel included. Since then, we have had our moments where things were complicated, but I don't feel like the adjustment was difficult for her. It is change, but it's all positive. She loves her brother and loves to help with him. They are starting to interact more now and it is simply awesome to see how excited she gets when he reaches out for her. I do think a sibling is a wonderful gift to give your child and I also believe it is important for toddlers to begin to learn to consider other children. Yes, I want to give my daughter as much attention and love as I possibly can, but I think learning to deal with a sibling and how it changes the dynamic is a good thing. I don't think she has been short changed and I don't think she had her world turned upside down. I think she is part of our family and while we may add more children or change houses or change in some other way, she will always be just as important as she was the moment she was born.
I do think it's important to prepare yourself for what might happen and I know children are different and handle this situation in their own way. That being said, I never felt DD resented me for bringing the baby home or took out any displeasure on me.