Still in shock and feeling guilty

debra_lynn · June 2009

We just found out about our twins at 19wk. Yesterday was my first dr apt with the big news.

I'm a little overwhelmed. Everything has changed. He told me to expect a c-section and bedrest in a couple of months after looking at my ultrasound report. I won't be able to go to my best friend's wedding or to see my little sister's brand new baby in August. I run a camp for girls at my church for a week every summer and had to back out at the last minute. I have to stop my Pilates class and swimming laps. He is sending me to a peri and I am having trouble getting used to being called "high risk" now.

I feel guilty for feeling so overwhelmed. We are SO excited and blessed to be having twins. Both babies look perfect and I know that should be my only concern. I definitely want to do whatever I can to make sure they are healthy! Please tell me it is normal to feel this way and that it will go away! I feel selfish.

pea-kay · June 2009

don't feel bad, it's totally normal to feel that way. and i can't imagine the shock you felt at finding out so late! i guess we were lucky to find out so early (but i have to say, finding out later does have its advantages, like 12 fewer weeks to be paranoid and extremely worried!) but i wasn't happy about finding out i was pg with multiples for many reasons. it's totally natural.

and i agree with mrslee - i only went on bedrest at the very end of my pregnancy, so it's definitely not a given for a twin pregnancy.

mmbench · June 2009

Yes, your feelings are totally normal. I found out about our girls at 20 weeks and was absolutely a mess for at least two weeks after that. Any time you have expectations of anything, including a pregnancy, and reality changes things, it's normal to be upset.

mommy_bear · June 2009

Congratulations! I think it is very normal to feel the way you do. I'm blessed and stressed at the same time Big Smile

Is there a medical reason for the early diagnosis of c-section and bedrest?

jacobandcrystal · June 2009

I've also had every emotion under the sun since finding out we're having twins. I think a big part of it for me is that we have a 3-year-old and 10-month-old and I'm really nervous about bedrest (I'm a SAHM), a long hospital stay, possibly missing Christmas with them, and how they will feel after the twins are born and will need so much of my time.

I'm also having a hard time with nerves because I'm already a worrier and it's hard to get the facts out of my head about complications of TTTS, preterm labor, etc. I know I need to just be optimistic, but that's easier said than done! I usually like to have things planned out, so it's not helping that we have no clue whether we need to think about getting a nanny if I go on bedrest, or when the twins will even come!

Even though I'm a ball of nerves right now, we are so excited to have two more babies on the way! They truly are life's greatest blessings : )

parsleyqueen · June 2009

I think it is totally natural that you are feeling shocked! Finding out that you are having multiples IS shocking. It changes everything, and it takes some time to get used to it. It took DH and me at least a couple of weeks for it to really sink in, but there are still plenty of times when it hits us all over again and we look at each other and say "TWO." It is normal to be overwhelmed. But it is also so wonderful and special. Once it sinks in for you that you are having twins, I think your excitement and feeling of being blessed will be the more dominant emotion.

As for your doc's comments, is there a specific reason he seemed concerned, or was he just warning you about what might happen? At the practice I go to I rotate through all the docs, and I have gotten a wide range of warnings/advice. My primary doc warned me that I am high risk and may need a c-section/bedrest, but he also said that we would take it one day at a time and only do those things if needed. Another doc, however, was all doom and gloom, telling me that I WOULD have a c-section and go on bedrest. He said "Well things look good FOR NOW, but you are high risk so we'll see." Thanks, buddy.

Have you started reading Barbara Luke's book on multiples pregnancies? It's really helpful. It goes over all the risks/potential complications, but it also teaches you how to be proactive and how to take control of the situation.

Hang in there and stay optimistic, and congrats on your double blessings. :-)

mrscalkins · June 2009

Of course you are going to feel shocked! Who wouldn't? We all went through that. Hell, mine are almost one and I still wake up some days and think 'holy crap, I have twins'.

Bedrest isn't a definite. I carried the whole way to the end and never was put on it. You'll definitely be limited in what you can do, but that's simply because you'll most likely get tired and uncomfortable much faster than if you were carrying one. Did your doc give you a reason about the automatic need for a c-section? Don't stress too much about the high-risk tag, it goes with the territory for multiples. When you meet with the peri, go over all your concerns and definitely ask about the c-section. It isn't always an automatic section with multiples.

Congratulations!

debra_lynn · June 2009

Thanks, everyone, for the encouragement! I appreciate it.

My doctor said he always plans on c-section because even if they both present as vertex, the dynamics change so much when Twin 1 leaves that he doesn't want to risk a breech delivery for Twin 2. He said that planning a c-section is better than having to go through labor AND a c-section.

I see the peri next week. Is he the one who would determine bedrest?

sfitz0711 · June 2009

First of all, welcome aboard the multiple club! Finding out and being shocked is a right of passage I would say because we have all had it. After you get used to the thought, you'll realize "wow I can't imagine there only being 1 in there."

I second(third and fourth) the PP in their question as to why he is already telling you to expect a CS and bedrest? My dr. on Monday told me that as long as everything is progressing the way it should, they always try vaginal.

Try not to be too upset about being called high risk. There are some perks that come with that, like having more u/s to see the babies, you are a priority, they'll see you more often so you know you're doing great.

Take your time adjusting, b/c it IS an adjustment. Best of luck.

krisc · June 2009

Holy cow, I'd be freaking out too! It's hard enough to imagine life with twins when you find out early but finding out 1/2 way through the pregnancy sure does change things. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed about it all.

A peri could tell you to go on bedrest, but so could your OB. Not everyone goes on bedrest through. I was on for 4 weeks and it was only modified and that was due to some PTL at 31 weeks. My OB was the one who told me I couldn't return to work (she was actually on call at the hospital when I started having the contractions).

FWIW, many women on here have delivered vaginally so I would continue to talk with your doctors about that if that's the route you want to go. Good luck with everything!

mrs.chrisb · June 2009

A c-section is not definite. It sounds like your OB is kind of a drag with bedside manner. The rate of vaginal delivery versus c-section is like 50/50 on this board.

Anyway, congrats on the twins. I love having twins!

Melin086 · June 2009

debra_lynn:

Thanks, everyone, for the encouragement! I appreciate it.

My doctor said he always plans on c-section because even if they both present as vertex, the dynamics change so much when Twin 1 leaves that he doesn't want to risk a breech delivery for Twin 2. He said that planning a c-section is better than having to go through labor AND a c-section.

I see the peri next week. Is he the one who would determine bedrest?

My OB was all for going vaginally. She actually wanted to avoid a c-section if possible. She said she would do a breech extraction or external version if I wanted to go that route before doing a c-section. Luckily for me both my guys were vertex and had no problems.

MoMandA · June 2009

What you are feeling is totally normal. I am still in shock and my husband says he cannot believe that we are having two babies and probably won't until he sees them. I think that being overwhelmed is a sign that you are smart.

I would ask a bunch more questions about why he is expecting a c-section and bedrest. I am glad to see that he is sending you to a peri. He may just be super cautious until you see a specialist.

GL

mrscalkins · June 2009

MrsLee04:
debra_lynn:

My doctor said he always plans on c-section because even if they both present as vertex, the dynamics change so much when Twin 1 leaves that he doesn't want to risk a breech delivery for Twin 2. He said that planning a c-section is better than having to go through labor AND a c-section.

This is NOT a good reason to have a c-section. Honestly, I'd be looking for another OB at this point.....or at least get a 2nd opinion from your peri when you have that appt. While there are cases of woman having to deliver both ways, do you know how rare that is? Most twin vaginal deliveries turn out just fine!

Ditto. I would be very unhappy with a doctor who automatically went for surgery. I know a lot of MoM's and only 2 have had a vaginal and a c-section. The one's twins are 27, so that was quite some time ago. My doctor was completely on board with a vag delivery and we were knowingly going for a breech extraction with Baby B. Only reason I had a section was because after 22 hours of labor and pitocin, I still couldn't fully dilate and Baby A started to show some signs of distress.

KMB7 · June 2009

MrsLee04:
debra_lynn:

My doctor said he always plans on c-section because even if they both present as vertex, the dynamics change so much when Twin 1 leaves that he doesn't want to risk a breech delivery for Twin 2. He said that planning a c-section is better than having to go through labor AND a c-section.
This is NOT a good reason to have a c-section. Honestly, I'd be looking for another OB at this point.....or at least get a 2nd opinion from your peri when you have that appt. While there are cases of woman having to deliver both ways, do you know how rare that is? Most twin vaginal deliveries turn out just fine!

Ditto

I went for a vaginal birth and I'm one of the small percent that had to have a C section for the second baby. I would do it again in a heart beat. It is very rare to have a delivery like mine 3% I believe.

Temp159135562506975 · June 2009

don't feel bad! that is a huge shock to get used to so far along in pregnancy! your life suddenly changes a LOT and it's normal to be a bit freaked out about it.

as for bed rest- not everyone needs it- i didn't and made it to 38w. My singleton pg was worse- i had bed rest, PTL, kidney stones, Pre-E and delivered at 36w... just b/c you are twins does not mean things will be rough- but it does mean you do need to take it more easy and see a peri, etc.

you'll make it! We're here for you!!

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