tell me if im a horrible mother..

hisbabybear · June 2009

we let DS cry it out after we put him to bed around 9 or 10 depending on his last feeding (we demand feed). sometimes this can last anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour.. not a full out cry but spurts here and there and whimpers.. it kills me to do it, but eventually he falls asleep and then the next time he cries we know its because he is hungry and not just fussy because we put him in his crib.

i feel awful doing this but my DH and my DR say they just need to CIO sometimes.. am i totally horrible or are there other mommies doing this too?

allie_smalls07 · June 2009

My son is napping on his tummy right now...so I guess I'm terrible too. I wouldn't sweat it.

Gramyson · June 2009

oh honey, he's so young...just hold him. he needs to know you're there.

jamie.renee · June 2009

Honestly I feel that at 1 week it is MUCH too soon to start CIO.

beth thacker · June 2009

I've been wanting to let DD CIO but wasn't sure if it was ok to do at her age. I don't think your a bad mother. Your son is adorable by the way. This is the first time i've seen you on since 3rd tri!

houndbaby · June 2009

A week old seems a little young to CIO

manda_mullins · June 2009

Gramyson:
oh honey, he's so young...just hold him.? he needs to know you're there.?

?

this?

Sunndraggon · June 2009

I will not say you are a terrible mother, but I would never do this. He may not be crying the entire time, but it sounds as though he is awake.....for up to an hour.....alone in his crib...in a dark room. He is only a week old. He is way too young to be left like this for such a long time. To me, it is cruel. He has no idea hot to comfort himself, and he may just need to be held and snuggled. Letting aone week old CIO for any amount of time is simply wrong. Please try to remember that newborns do not cry and fuss only for food. They need comfort, soothing, and to feel secute. they need to feel you near and hear your voice.

BugLuv · June 2009

You are not a bad mother, but your son is way too young to CIO. The reason is he needs to establish you are a source for comfort. When he is older you can try CIO if thats what you want, but for right now I would definetly pick up your son and comfort him, then put him back down to sleep. GL!

sunnyday016 · June 2009

I would not let a one week old cry it out. An 8 month old maybe, but NOT a newborn! He's crying for a reason. His stomach is tiny so he really may be hungry again sooner than you think he should be, and he's used to being "carried" 24/7 in the womb. I highly recommend "The Happiest Baby On The Block" book to you. He's eventually falling asleep from exhaustion from crying so hard and long. I'm not going to tell you that you're a horrible mother, you're a NEW mother, but please-pick up that baby!

RichInLove · June 2009

He is only a week old! Think about what just happened to him. He's in this safe, small, warm world and suddenly eveything is different and he is alone in a BIG world. He needs nothing more than to be held and nurtured right now.

lhull · June 2009

I have let DS cry sometimes because after holding and rocking him for an hour, changing him, feeding him, there is nothing else to do. Sometimes for sanity sake you have to!

ncbelle · June 2009

Your mama instinct is telling you this is wrong for a reason - a week old baby has no way to self soothe. He may not be hungry or wet but the world is a scary place and he needs security.

Please don't leave him to cry for an hour.

christiney06 · June 2009

WAAAAAY TO YOUNG FOR CIO!! i would find a new pedi. I second Happiest Baby on the Block. you have to establish trust and comfort. please do not do this anymore.

kada626 · June 2009

my honest opinion...I could never do that to my baby especially at that age. It kinda breaks my heart that you do it to yours.

CIO may have its place for a toddler who doesn't want to go to bed....but not an infant, imo. When I mean CIO -I also mean 5-10 mins not a hour.

MamaMyers22 · June 2009

Gramyson:
oh honey, he's so young...just hold him. he needs to know you're there.

So much this x eleventy bilion

bnljane1988 · June 2009

jamie.renee:
Honestly I feel that at 1 week it is MUCH too soon to start CIO.

this.

And you're not a terrible mom. All 1st time moms learn as we go.

rouge411 · June 2009

I still don't let DD cry it out. I think it's just a question of figuring out what helps your DS go to sleep. For DD, it's being up on the shoulder and being shushed or sang to, or being swaddled and laying with me in bed. I know it's frustrating when a (obviously tired) baby won't go to sleep, and sometimes a baby does just need to fuss, but for now let him do it in your arms. Hope it gets better!

hisbabybear · June 2009

Thank you so much ladies!!! We have only done this for the last two nights and i laid in bed and cried the ENTIRE time! So now i know it was my motherly instinct telling me it was wrong! I am not going to do it again! I cant stand to hear my baby cry!

Thank you again! Switching DRs ASAP!

divakat · June 2009

A 1 week old crying for an hour??? Sorry I think that is neglect. At that age you're not supposed to CIO at all, especially for that long! Get a new pedi pronto, and then buy the Happiest Baby on the Block as pp suggested. Read it and then give it to you DH to read, too. I cannot believe he wants you to do that to your poor baby. Doesn't it bother him to hear that tiny helpless thing cry?

jamie4duke · June 2009

WTF!!! Are you KIDDING ME?? Ok hello, my name is Jamie4duke. I think you are being a selfish mom. Get your ass in there, pick your baby up, cuddle him, rock him, whatever the hell it takes. DON'T let him CIO. If you continue to let him CIO, YES I will think you are a horrible mom. SERIOUSLY.

Temp552270562505132 · June 2009

kada626:

my honest opinion...I could never do that to my baby especially at that age. It kinda breaks my heart that you do it to yours.

CIO may have its place for a toddler who doesn't want to go to bed....but not an infant, imo. When I mean CIO -I also mean 5-10 mins not a hour.

exactly this. please please please pick up your child when he cries! your gut is telling you that you shouldn't be doing this! he needs to feel safe and secure in your arms. he just spent nine months all warm and cozy in your stomach with constant sound, warmth, security..... newborns cry for a reason- they need something- or just need to be held. please don't let your DS CIO this early. just hold him. and if your PED is telling you to do this- find a new pediatrician right away.

aldyn · June 2009

MamaMyers22:
Gramyson:

oh honey, he's so young...just hold him. he needs to know you're there.

So much this x eleventy bilion

I agree. I wouldn't think of trying any CIO methods until DD is at least 6 months old. She also went through an EXTREMELY fussy stage around 6 weeks where she screamed for hours every night, and through it all we did our best to let her know that we were there for her, all was OK, etc. One week is way, way too young. Thinking of a one week old baby, alone in a room, crying just breaks my heart.

manda_mullins · June 2009

sounds like you just got some bad advice.

NatPhoto09 · June 2009

i just went to the dr today and she said that my LO may be too young for CIO and he is 4 months. she said once they hit 6 months then it could be done. if your LO is crying it is for a reason. CIO is cruel at one week. change pedis. you are not a bad mother but don't let him/her cry for that long. The board is here for when you have questions like this. Use it.

RichInLove · June 2009

And please always listen to your instincts. It's kinda like asking "is this tacky?" If you have to ask, it probably is. So, if what you are doing with your child feels wrong, it probably is.

And one more thing:

https://www.parentmap.com/content/view/585

lisabowman · June 2009

Sunndraggon:
I will not say you are a terrible mother, but I would never do this. He may not be crying the entire time, but it sounds as though he is awake.....for up to an hour.....alone in his crib...in a dark room. He is only a week old. He is way too young to be left like this for such a long time. To me, it is cruel. He has no idea hot to comfort himself, and he may just need to be held and snuggled. Letting aone week old CIO for any amount of time is simply wrong. Please try to remember that newborns do not cry and fuss only for food. They need comfort, soothing, and to feel secute. they need to feel you near and hear your voice.

THIS! Please, please go snuggle your little one. He needs you, he's still new to all of this!

JillBean78 · June 2009

whoa, he needs to be held, he is so new to the world, please don't let him CIO anymore

rockchalkbride · June 2009

I feel for you...DS was so fussy at first when we tried the crib. He just would not sleep in it, so he ended up in our bed. Fast forward 2 weeks and he is just fine in his crib. Sure he will fuss a minute once in a while, but he usually fusses himslef right back to sleep in a short time. If he fusses more than a few minutes or all out CRIES then I will go try something else...swaddling, rocking and shushing. Usually helps very quickly. Good luck!

arliemaree · June 2009

The packet of papers I got from Children's hospital after we were discharged from the NICU said its ok for 10-15 minutes, but after that you need to hold the baby. I'd get a Moby Wrap. They are about $40 and just wear the baby if he is so fussy. I've been wearing my DS all day and he is just so calm and happy when I wear him. He almost always falls asleep in the wrap.

Good luck.

Garnetbaby09 · June 2009

Are you effing kidding me?? He's a WEEK OLD!! FYI- babies cry when they need something. Its how they communicate. Oh and it takes a few months for them to build trust in you... I never say this- Your poor baby.

Gramyson · June 2009

WHOA everybody--she gets it. you can call off the dogs now.

rouge411 · June 2009

Gramyson:
WHOA everybody--she gets it. you can call off the dogs now.

Apparently no one has bothered to read her second post.

MamaMyers22 · June 2009

Gramyson:
WHOA everybody--she gets it. you can call off the dogs now.

Yes

jamie4duke · June 2009

rouge411:

Gramyson:
WHOA everybody--she gets it. you can call off the dogs now.

Apparently no one has bothered to read her second post.

I was typing my response when hers must have posted. If I had seen that I wouldn't have been so upset. It just kills me to think of a tiny baby bawling for his mom.

rockchalkbride · June 2009

rouge411:

Gramyson:
WHOA everybody--she gets it. you can call off the dogs now.

Apparently no one has bothered to read her second post.

THIS

laurandjim · June 2009

Sorry. I'm dirty editing. I didn't read the second post or the end of the responses to this one.

I'm calling off the dogs.

Loops925 · June 2009

omg, he's only 8 days old! he needs to feel you! he wants to feel you! he needs you period!

Califragilistic · June 2009

hey bear--dont stress..we all do things wrong or things we arent sure we should do. Asking means you care. IMO I cant let them cry it out esp not this young. They are crying bc they need to feel us since now they are not inside anymore and all cuddly anymore. You are NOT a horrible mother you are just learning like the rest of us. Listen to your heart--when it doesnt feel right it isnt. Newborns cry for a reason...

Califragilistic · June 2009

Gramyson:
WHOA everybody--she gets it. you can call off the dogs now.

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