Back from WTF...more confused than EVER (long)

ked1068 · June 2009

I honestly thought, if you saw my post below, that today I would be walking away from my RE's office for the last time, for good, and never turning back. Now he's put a bug into my head and I just don't know what to think.

My RE too believes that my eggs are the problem. After our last failed cycle, I suspected this too, so thankfully that news didn't surprise me too terribly bad. He told me some interesting things:

1. If we were ever to cycle again, he does not suggest I use my cousin again. He told me that seven months ago he was in the thought that my ute was part of the problem, but he now thinks it is solely my eggs. He said it is as if my embryo's make it to blast then fizzle out at the finish line. I worry about my gene deficiencies, but he said that he has meds I could be on that would prevent the clotting and other things I worry about from happening.

2. He thinks we should consider either Donor Egg OR Embryo Adoption. Option 1: Donor Egg. Dh is okay with this. I am okay with this option too, but as always, money is a HUGE factor. Option 2: Embryo Adoption. I had never thought about this option. He said it is considerably cheaper than Donor Egg or regular adoption, and would give me the chance to carry our child. I don't know much about this option, and am open to looking into it.

3. Then of course he told me that he would support our decision to adopt.

With him telling me that he thinks we could be successful with donor egg or embryo adoption, and I could get the experience of carrying a child, my heart is now more torn than EVER before. Needless to say, dh and I have a LOT to talk about over dinner tonight, not that I expect to have any resolution to these new paths tonight.

Thanks for all the well wishes today. I feel like I'm crying wolf...but I honestly did NOT think he'd tell me that he thinks I could be successful carrying a child. That was just not in my line of thinking whatsoever!

oct11bride03 · June 2009

((HUGS)) It sounds like he gave you guys A LOT to think about. I hope you can come to a conclusion that makes you both happy. And you know whatever you decide we will support you 150%.

lnle · June 2009

wow, you have a lot to think about! definitely take your time and do your research, and I hope you come to the decision that will bring you your family as soon as possible!! ((hugs))

p.s. there is an adoption agency in my town that does embryo adoptions. I think that's so cool.

stepgirl21 · June 2009

Wow. Well, sounds like carrying a child may still be an option for you. How wonderful. I hope that you can make a decision that you are happy with. GL to you.

ladychicago · June 2009

good luck hashing through all of that. its a lot to digest! right now, dh isn't keen on the idea, but i love the thought of embryo adoption. i don't think you can go "wrong" with any option, but its just a matter of picking a path you both feel at peace with. (((HUGS)))

LuvBugKel · June 2009

Sweetie I wish I could just give you a big IRL hug right now! That is so much to take in, we are behind you 100% whichever road you choose to travel. DH and I get our best discussions in over the dinner table, keep us posted.

Tarahville · June 2009

((hugs))

I've traveled this road and all of them are worth exploring. I know that when the time is right for you that you and your Dh will make the right decision.

I do have experience in exploring Embryo Adoption if you have questions please holler at me. I'll be glad to help where I can.

Thinking of you and wishing you the best as you walk down this new path. I know that you will make the right decision for you and your H.

krissyh21 · June 2009

Oh my - you just got a ton of information to think about. I am sure your head is pounding right now. Take all the time you need to figure out the best option for your family. (((hugs)))

Echloe · June 2009

Oh my. ?I don't even know what to say. ?How could it be that now there are no uterine problems? ?I wish you luck in figuring this out. ?But the embryo adoption thing sounds like a good alternative. ?(((Hugs)))

perry7285 · June 2009

i know how frustrating confusion can be--sometimes in my life i feel like i'd rather have bad simple news than good complicated news! that's wonderful that you might be able to carry a child. i'm sure that you guys will figure out the right path, and we're here for you whenever you need an e-hug!

Tryingtogetpregnant · June 2009

Wow! You do have a lot to think about!!! But, you know, options bring you choices, and choices bring you babies. I am so excited about how many pathways you could potentially take!!!!!!!!

Kiki11 · June 2009

(((hugs))) That is a lot to think about- take your time!

epphd · June 2009

Oh gosh, I kinda thought something like that might happen. Well - the good news (aside from the potential of carrying!!!) is that with either donor egg or donor embryo, you don't need to rush to make a decision. The proverbial biological clock stops ticking. Take your time, read, research, ask questions... the right path will come to you.

Nothing is simple, right?!?

juliannat · June 2009

Wow, that is a lot to take in - you're right. I just had the DE talk last week with my RE and my head is still spinning - and he never even suggested donor embies as an option...so you have even MORE to think about!

Whew! Like pp said, take your time and know that all the freaked out feelings and then the calm and then freaking out again is totally normal (at least, that's what they have told me and I am choosing to believe it!)

flutterby918 · June 2009

Well, I am glad to hear that you are at least on the same page in identifying what the problem is. I understand being torn about the options he gave you. One of the many things I look forward to about motherhood is carrying a baby. Giving that up would be super difficult for me too.

I am glad that you and John have such a relationship that you can sit and discuss the options. I will be thinking about you two and praying that you can come to a decision fulfill your hearts. Good luck and as always huge ((HUGS)) coming your way.

EmptyOven25 · June 2009

It is so great to think that medical advances are still giving you options, and for that, I am definitely happy for you.

Best of luck making your decisions. You've got 110% support from me!!!

kimarino13 · June 2009

Wow! How exciting to have some options to weigh. I will be thinking of you guys, as always, as you come to the decision about your next steps. Hugs!

Temp893722312503334 · June 2009

wow! I don't envy your decisions...

Being somewhat new to all this, is there any financial help they can offer?

My thoughts are with you and your DH as you sort your way through all of this information. (((hugs)))

tapgirl · June 2009

Wow! That is a lot to ponder. Good luck with whatever you and your DH decide is right for you.

Dragonfly1226 · June 2009

Wow! Sounds like you have a lot to think about! I wish you all the best in whatever you decide! (((hugs)))

BRSaugust20 · June 2009

Ked - I can't imagine how much your head is spinning right now. I know there is a girl on the Parenting after a Loss board who used donated embryos in the Czech Republic - although I have read it is also much less than a DE cycle here in the states.

Just a word to be wary of...embryo adoption. There are some sites out there touting this but it requires you to go through a home study, etc. like a standard adoption of an actual child. I have an issue putting people through that time and cost for the "possibility" of a child. There are plenty of "embryo donation" situations that would not require all of these extra steps.

Good luck with whatever path you choose!

hopecounts · June 2009

Oh sweetie, it's sucks when you could do either and you have to choose. Whichever way you two decide to go I wish you lots of luck.

P.S. If money is a big issue can I suggest my clinic? CNY very inexpensive for DE (~12,000 not including travel) and I felt like I received very good care. Short wait for donors depending on your requirments and the DE coordinator is awesome.

smilee · June 2009

YOu have some definite food for thought, but it does sound like you have options.

YOu guys will do what is best for you.

In the mean time, I'll be thinking of you!?

sourpop · June 2009

Wow, that is A LOT to think about and I know you guys will make the right choice! I am happy to see that you do have options! I am here for you always - although my phone is spending the night at sprint tonight, i will have it back tomorrow :-)

arb212 · June 2009

Good luck making your decision. Take your time and don't feel like you have to decide right away. We're hear to support you no matter what!

harley12 · June 2009

That really is alot of information. It all sounds really promising! I'm so sorry that money has to be such a factor in your path to a family. It's so unfair. I hope you find a decision you are both comfortable with and will feel at peace no matter what you choose.

Lizard1131 · June 2009

Hi, we thought about embryo adoption when we were orginally misdiagnosed. I really, really wanted to be pregnant, but didn't want to do donor anything (not that i think there is ANYTHING wrong, w/ it just where I was at the time mentally.) There are several places I found online that seemed reputable. I'll be thinking of you guys in the coming weeks as you make these tough decisions. xo

smeyer · June 2009

BRSaugust20:
Just a word to be wary of...embryo adoption. There are some sites out there touting this but it requires you to go through a home study, etc. like a standard adoption of an actual child. I have an issue putting people through that time and cost for the "possibility" of a child. There are plenty of "embryo donation" situations that would not require all of these extra steps.

I was going to say the exact same thing and also add that the exchange of $$ for embryos is technically illegal in many states, but that doesn't stop the "embryo adoption" companies. At my clinic (and likely yours as well) couples have the option to donate embryos when they are done adding to their family via IVF. There is no money exchanged and no home study. It's a gift from one couple who struggled with IF to another.

All that aside, you know I'm thinking of you guys and wishing you tons of clarity. As you know, we're in the same boat so email me any time. I can *definitely* commiserate with all of the decisions/options.

emmyloustu · June 2009

K - I have been thinking of you. That was one info packed WTF appt. Sounds like you have lots to think about. We'll all be here supporting you & cheering you on, what ever you decide! HUGS!!

leslies75 · June 2009

Wow Kristen...that's a lot of news to swallow. The glimmer of hope your RE gave you is wonderful to hear, but I know it's also tormenting. I wish you and John all the serenity needed to get through this tough decision making process.

(((HUGS)))

~ Leslie