Just need to ask

Mrs.R2D2 · June 2009

Is it normal for a fertility clinic to REFUSE to proceed with an IUI until the couple moves forward with marital counseling? We had a choice of two specific counsellors, or else the clinic would not move forward. Our insurance takes neither, adding considerable expense to this already expensive process.

Our clinic told us this recently, and our first session with the counsellor didn't go very well. She expressed that she felt like I resent my H too much for his fertility problems; like I "am still mourning (my) miscarriages" (sorry I'm not turning f***ing cartwheels that I have several angel babies and a house with 3 empty bedrooms!); seemed leery about our being 2 different religions and not having decided which we're going to raise our child (Catholic and Baptist, really not radically different); and claimed to take issue with my career plans (I'll be leaving my stressful, long-hours, inflexible job shortly after getting PG to be a SAHM, take a few years off, and during that time, determine a new and more family-friendly career path).

My gut instinct is to tell this clinic to take their judgements and shove them; but the question is, can we expect something similar at another clinic?

k8enewlywed · June 2009

My clinic has never asked about my marriage. They never even really see DH unless he is driving me to something? This seems really odd. I would change!

preheatedoven · June 2009

I've never heard of counseling for IUI...for IVF I have heard for a consult, but not full-on marriage counseling.

I would indeed tell them to take their judgements and shove them:)

Two*True · June 2009

Interesting. My clinic doesn't have require that. Is your clinic affiliated with a religious hospital or anything like that?

EmptyOven25 · June 2009

Um...what business of the clinic's is your relationship with your H? Wow. Just wow.

I'd be switching clinics asap as that just sounds ridiculous.

Gummybear · June 2009

Wow. I am actually speechless. I have never heard of a clinic evaluating a couple like that. We had to discuss and sign paperwork regarding what we would do in the case of divorce/death etc. but never once did religion or career plans come up. That is your business and your business only. Def. get a second opinion.

wvu2000 · June 2009

Wow! I would find a new doctor. My RE does a stress rating and offers referrals for counseling. This is not a requirement. I would also be concerned about confidentiality!

Echloe · June 2009

That is strange. ?I've never heard of any clinic forcing counseling on patients. ?

Kellannb · June 2009

I've never heard of this. Is this the poilcy or did something happen which caused them to suggest you getting help?

harley12 · June 2009

Ditto, pp's. Never heard of such a thing! I would switch ASAP!

Jin'sWifey · June 2009

really weird! I never heard of such a thing?!? I would switch ASAP! I am also curious , is your clinic associated with a religious organization or hospital?

jlcrane78 · June 2009

Wow! I have not been to see an RE yet, so I can't say what my experience had been but this just reeks of shadiness! It's really none of their business about any of the personal matters that you talked about. IF is already a very personal matter without being required to expose all these other aspects of your marriage. Hate to say it, but I'd be running in the other direction!

cheekyali · June 2009

that is bizarre- do they ask the lesbian couples using donor sperm to do marriage counseling???

Mrs.R2D2 · June 2009

Thanks ladies! I posted this, ran to the restroom, and was like "I wonder if anyone can weigh in... holy crap, that's 11 responses!" LOL

The clinic is not affiliated with a religious hospital. All that happened that might have triggered that is that they felt H asked too many questions about how his sperm was going to be disposed of after the SA. He made some tongue in cheek comment to the effect of, "I don't want some homless woman taking it out of the trash, turkey bastering herself, and then hitting us up for child support!" It was in poor taste, but I did marry him because I love his sense of humor.

Glad to hear this isn't normal.

Gummybear · June 2009

Ah, my husband has the same exact sense of humor and has said equally inappropriate things in front of RE on several occassions. Tongue in cheek of course. I personally think it is really funny what your husband said, and your Dr. needs to get the stick outn of his/her rear.

Regardless, it shouldn't matter. A RE should know that some people deal with nervous situations with inappropriate humor. And you are paying enough money that the Dr. should answer any questions you have, even if they are off the wall.

smorzandoj · June 2009

THey need to shove it! That is rediculous! Mine give the option of counseling and give you the paper at your first appointment but have yet to mention anything else about it to us...and we are both at all the appointments.

Worcbride · June 2009

Kellannb:
I've never heard of this. Is this the poilcy or did something happen which caused them to suggest you getting help?

took the words out of my mouth.....

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